Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Kamog]

"Ugh, these creatures certainly aren't going to get these flowers."

Kamog fires his phaser rifle - and misses. He blows away a fake styrofoam boulder. He fires again, and misses, hitting a pile of snow.

"I know I should have spent more time shooting targets in the holodeck instead of training in Klingon batliff combat... speaking of which, I forgot to bring my batliff!"

Kamog gets behind cover and tries to adjust his phaser settings. "Why do they have to make these controls so user-unfriendly? Now, how do I set this thing to wide-angle stun...??"

He takes a screwdriver and opens up the little panel on the side of the phaser rifle, disconnects several color-codes wires, and re-routes them. "Oh, no, the stupid crimp ring broke off -- where's my soldering iron?"

While Kamog is re-attaching the wire with a small piece of duct tape, the alien comes charging. Kamog steps to the side and strikes her on the head with the rifle, knocking her down. Kamog quickly wraps tons of duct tape around the alien's arms and legs.

[Kamog]

Kamog turns on his communicator.
"Kamog to Phong's Head. Transporter chief, please beam this prisoner up directly to a high-security cell in the brig. We'll interrogate her later."

[Raging Deadstar]

*As the alien is beamed away it blows a kiss to Kamog and begins to serenade him in a gargling voice!*

Looks like you've pulled kamog, waht will erax think?

[Taz-in-Space]

Taz tenses as the alien females? fire.
He remains motionless as bolts of light zip in all directions. This is apparently is what saved him as much of the surrounding countryside is obliterated and Taz remains unharmed. That scientist must have neglected to teach these aliens how to aim!

When the aliens have used up their current gun charges, Taz takes advantage of the momentary pause and takes a gadget out of his satchel.

It's an ACME Thermal hand grenade!

Taz quickly dials it to: Antarctic in Mid-winter.
Tossing the grenade in the middle of the alien pack, he dives for cover...

...Foom. (short for Freezing Boom) The grenade goes off and those aliens are now quick-frozen in mid action.

In this cold environment, that should hold them for a good long while!

[Kamog]

Kamog starts scanning the nearby area with his tricorder. ...Let's see, maybe there's some way to get down underground where the power readings came from.

By the way, we'll need to bring S'Katchoo's body with us so that we can put his brain back when we find it. I believe Dr. Geo has devised a remote controller for S'Katchoo so that he can walk around without his brain...

[Raging Deadstar]

*Senator Raging Deadstar thinks to himself....*

DR GEO!!!! He has a body to control by remote control????

*The scene switches to the the sick bay where Dr Geo is laughing incontrollably as he makes S'Katchoos body flirt with an overweight hillbilly female (around 60 years old) with pigtails, freckles, wrinkles and those weird checkered shirts tied below the breast (although it's pretty far down on this mature women, lord help s'katchoo if he encounters those sagging beings!) Suddenly the women grabs S'katchoo and drags him to the sickbay bed and proceeds to tear his clothes off!*

I'm pretty sure S'Katchoo might want a new body after this

*Jean Luc le Grand Chat shakes his head as he hears the noises of sickbay come of his intercom....*

[mac5732]

Down in the depths of the impregnable fortress of FartPoint, an wizen older gentleman continues to follow the escapades of the Crew of the Infamous TSS Phong and her crew.... and he chuckles to himself as he downs a brewski or two... if they only knew ..... .........