Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Taz-in-Space]

Taz tenses as the alien females? fire.
He remains motionless as bolts of light zip in all directions. This is apparently is what saved him as much of the surrounding countryside is obliterated and Taz remains unharmed. That scientist must have neglected to teach these aliens how to aim!

When the aliens have used up their current gun charges, Taz takes advantage of the momentary pause and takes a gadget out of his satchel.

It's an ACME Thermal hand grenade!

Taz quickly dials it to: Antarctic in Mid-winter.
Tossing the grenade in the middle of the alien pack, he dives for cover...

...Foom. (short for Freezing Boom) The grenade goes off and those aliens are now quick-frozen in mid action.

In this cold environment, that should hold them for a good long while!

[Kamog]

Kamog starts scanning the nearby area with his tricorder. ...Let's see, maybe there's some way to get down underground where the power readings came from.

By the way, we'll need to bring S'Katchoo's body with us so that we can put his brain back when we find it. I believe Dr. Geo has devised a remote controller for S'Katchoo so that he can walk around without his brain...

[Raging Deadstar]

*Senator Raging Deadstar thinks to himself....*

DR GEO!!!! He has a body to control by remote control????

*The scene switches to the the sick bay where Dr Geo is laughing incontrollably as he makes S'Katchoos body flirt with an overweight hillbilly female (around 60 years old) with pigtails, freckles, wrinkles and those weird checkered shirts tied below the breast (although it's pretty far down on this mature women, lord help s'katchoo if he encounters those sagging beings!) Suddenly the women grabs S'katchoo and drags him to the sickbay bed and proceeds to tear his clothes off!*

I'm pretty sure S'Katchoo might want a new body after this

*Jean Luc le Grand Chat shakes his head as he hears the noises of sickbay come of his intercom....*

[mac5732]

Down in the depths of the impregnable fortress of FartPoint, an wizen older gentleman continues to follow the escapades of the Crew of the Infamous TSS Phong and her crew.... and he chuckles to himself as he downs a brewski or two... if they only knew ..... .........

[Growltigger]

Alarmed beyond all natural reason at the horrid sounds of Betty Bob, the aging banana breasted hillbilly-ette, having her evil way with poor S'Katchoo's body, Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat yells "hit the deck" at the top of his voice and watches as Taz, Kamog and possee hit the dirt and do their damnedest to bury themselves in the fetid sod.

"Bertha" fires up and the Captain, yelling something that sounds like "eat hot plasma you evil minded, foul, fetid, disgusting and obnoxious ladyboys" lets rip with all four barrels, together with a few thermal and incendiary grandes for good measure.

Commander Dogscoff joins in the fun with his smart gun and for a couple of minutes, the planet surface is covered with plasma and machine fire, and explosions...

The guns stop firing, and the Captain, removing large cigar from mouth, eyes the scene, 9 of the harpies are disintegrated, the other is clutching onto Kamog and sniffing his flowers (well, I think it is his flowers).

Kamog, stop flirting with that alien ladyboy and find ot where S'Katchoo's brain is..

We need to get him back in action quickly before the ministrations of Betty Bob mean that the next Bartrek episode is called "The Quest for S'Katchoo's happy sacks"

[Power Man]

Captain: Ships sensors show that the attacking females? came from a point 100 meters away on a baring of 276.93 from your location.
I have scanned the area.
It seems to be heavily shielded bunker like building.
I have locked the ships phasers on the site. On your command I will attempt to take out the shield.

I have also started a Ship Surface Scan (SSS) I think we may have “Picked up something” at the Fart Point station.

[Taz-in-Space]

After the action Taz picks himself up and surveys the scene...

All this gratuitous violence brings a tear to Taz's eye - so much like dear old Tazmania.

Speaking of eying, Taz is relieved to see that the Alien that was giving him the eye is no more.
However; Kamog is not so lucky! Perhaps Taz can 'distract' the alien with the 'Kamog fixation'.

After a moments thought, Taz brings out his .50 cal Desert Eagle 'noisemaker' and, walking up to the Kamog smitten alien, places the barrel to the alien's head. (For better hearing ) He then pulls the trigger.

Taz figures that the alien is suitably impressed since it seems to 'pass out' from the sound.

'OK Kamog, let's find the door or whatever before more critters are attracted to your flowers'.