Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Growltigger]

Alarmed beyond all natural reason at the horrid sounds of Betty Bob, the aging banana breasted hillbilly-ette, having her evil way with poor S'Katchoo's body, Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat yells "hit the deck" at the top of his voice and watches as Taz, Kamog and possee hit the dirt and do their damnedest to bury themselves in the fetid sod.

"Bertha" fires up and the Captain, yelling something that sounds like "eat hot plasma you evil minded, foul, fetid, disgusting and obnoxious ladyboys" lets rip with all four barrels, together with a few thermal and incendiary grandes for good measure.

Commander Dogscoff joins in the fun with his smart gun and for a couple of minutes, the planet surface is covered with plasma and machine fire, and explosions...

The guns stop firing, and the Captain, removing large cigar from mouth, eyes the scene, 9 of the harpies are disintegrated, the other is clutching onto Kamog and sniffing his flowers (well, I think it is his flowers).

Kamog, stop flirting with that alien ladyboy and find ot where S'Katchoo's brain is..

We need to get him back in action quickly before the ministrations of Betty Bob mean that the next Bartrek episode is called "The Quest for S'Katchoo's happy sacks"

[Power Man]

Captain: Ships sensors show that the attacking females? came from a point 100 meters away on a baring of 276.93 from your location.
I have scanned the area.
It seems to be heavily shielded bunker like building.
I have locked the ships phasers on the site. On your command I will attempt to take out the shield.

I have also started a Ship Surface Scan (SSS) I think we may have “Picked up something” at the Fart Point station.

[Taz-in-Space]

After the action Taz picks himself up and surveys the scene...

All this gratuitous violence brings a tear to Taz's eye - so much like dear old Tazmania.

Speaking of eying, Taz is relieved to see that the Alien that was giving him the eye is no more.
However; Kamog is not so lucky! Perhaps Taz can 'distract' the alien with the 'Kamog fixation'.

After a moments thought, Taz brings out his .50 cal Desert Eagle 'noisemaker' and, walking up to the Kamog smitten alien, places the barrel to the alien's head. (For better hearing ) He then pulls the trigger.

Taz figures that the alien is suitably impressed since it seems to 'pass out' from the sound.

'OK Kamog, let's find the door or whatever before more critters are attracted to your flowers'.

[Kamog]

Thank you for saving me, Taz!

* Takes some tricorder readings... *

I'm getting a reading on the structure that Power Man has discovered. There is a door, and I'm reading the presence of some sort of passageway leading from inside the building to underground. Let's head over there, in that direction... when the shield goes down, we can enter the subterranean area to search for Mr. S'Katchoo's brain...

[Growltigger]

Mr Power Man, change the frequency of the phasers so that they take out that shield without blowing the hell out of the bunker. Make it so.

On the bridge of the TSSS Phong's Head, Mr Power Man pulls out his mechano spanner and twiddles a nob under the phaser control board. He pushes the fire button and lo, the phasers take out the shield.

Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat, on point, sidles up to the door of the bunker and opens it, a long corridor heads off into the bowels of the planet, the away team sneak down it until they reach a sign that says "Medical lab and brain storage area this way, turn left after the harem".

Hmmm thinks the great cat, we may not find S'Katchoo's brain but it looks like we will have a good time!

[Kamog]

Meanwhile, back on the TSSS Phong's head...

Two big security guard ensigns (wearing red shirts) interrogate the captured alien in the brig.

Security guard: "Where have you taken Mr. S'Katchoo's brain? You will tell us now!"
Alien: "I'm not telling you anything!"

The security guard takes out an agonizer device which he got a from the evil mirror-image guys from Last episode, and tortures the alien...

Later:
Security guard: "Tell us, where is the brain?"
Alien: (crying) "Brain and brain, what is brain?"
Security guard: "What is underground, below the surface of the planet?"
Alien: "That's the buried city where the givers of pain and delight live..."
Security guard: "Givers of pain and delight?? Hmm, I better warn the landing party..."

[dogscoff]

*dogscoff stops firing to reload, and only then realises that the battle finished half an hour ago.

He looses off another couple of round and a grenade just to be on the safe side, then hurries to catch up with the rest of the away team.