Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Taz-in-Space]

Taz looks at Dr Geo...

Taz looks at the Teacher Machine...

Taz again looks at Dr. Geo...

An idea begins to form...

Two is better than only one...
The machine is still set-up...

Hmmmm....

[Kamog]

After a long moment of silence, Kamog's eyes open. An eerie while light emanates from his eyes and mouth. Steam rises from his ears.

"I KNOW EEEVVVVEERRRYYTTTHHHIIINNNGGGG!!"
"A child could do it... a child could do it! OK now, let's get to work!"

Kamog sits down at the medical computer station and starts typing at a furious pace. "We can re-attach all of Mr. S'Katchoo's nerve connections by modifying Borg nanite technology", he explains while typing. Within minutes, several different 3-D views of the nanites appear on the screen, and a few seconds later, several thousand units are produced in the medical replicator.

Kamog puts on a lab coat, a mask and some latex surgical gloves, and places S'Katchoo's body on the operation table. He opens the medical cabinet and selects a glass vial filled with some sort of drug. There's a very complex-looking chemical formula on the label. Taking a hypo-needle, he injects some of the green liquid into the back of S'Katchoo's head.

Kamog then takes the laser scalpel and carefully cuts open S'Katchoo's head. There is an awful *sklunchhh* sound, as Kamog flips open the top half of S'Katchoo's skull. Inside the skull is empty darkness. Kamog takes a syringe full of nanites and deposits them at the base of S'Katchoo's hollow skull.

He then opens the brain storage canister that holds S'Katchoo's brain. Inside the container, the brain is floating in life-supporting bio-fluid, and attached to the brain are numerous wires, sensors and tubes. Kamog methodically removes all of the wires and tubes from the brain, gently holds the brain in his gloved hands, and lifts it out of the bio-fluid. Liquid drips down from the brain, and Kamog quickly inserts it into S'Katchoo's head. He then takes the trilaser connector and attaches the blood vessels. Above the operation table, the medical computer screen immediately starts showing a rotating image of brain activity and the nanites begin re-attaching S'Katchoo's brain to his spinal column and the nerve endings to his eyes, ears, mouth, and the rest of his body.

Kamog then closes up the top of S'Katchoo's head, and fuses his skull back together using the trilaser connector. Just as he finishes sealing up S'Katchoo's head, a light comes on above the operatin table, and the medical computer displays: "Nerve connections 100% COMPLETE."

"That was SO easy! Everything is so simple... I see the universe as a single equation. I know how to increase the ships's speed by 20,000%... how to produce unlimited energy from a drop of water... how to instantly communicate from one side of the universe to the other... - AAAARGGGG!!" Suddenly, Kamog holds his hands on his head and collapses onto the floor, his face contorted in pain.

S'Katchoo's eyes flutter open! He sits up. "Where am I?"

[Katchoo]

Science Officer S'Katchoo sits up rather abruptly.

"Where am I?" speaks Mr. S'Katchoo in a gravely voice.

He then looks around the room and sees Taz, Kamog, and Dr. Geo. Suddenly S'Katchoo's face goes cold and his arms reach out rather stiffly.

"Brains...BRAINSSSS!"

Taz, Kamog, and the Doc take a step back as Mr. S'Katchoo stiffly gets off the operating table and, with his arms still reaching out, begins to to stiffly walk towards Kamog.

A touch of drool begins to drip down from the side of Mr. S'Katchoo's mouth.

"Must eat Brains...Braaaaaaains...aaarrrrrrrrrgggguurrrrrrgg ggglllllee..."

[Growltigger]

Ding ding seconds out Round 3

Baff bish baff bosh There can be only one crunch pang doff nut thump pow ching rip snarl tear vrmmm vrmmmm bash kick stomp pow..

Jean Luc Le Grand Chat remembers about the chainsaw attached to the loading bot, vrmmm vrmmmm, it starts up and he proceeds to stuff it in the Queen Lizard's abdomen..

Snarl whimper rip chew mangle tear snarl groan death rattle rip chew mangle tear..

The Queen Lizard is shredded into a hundred small, purple and wobbly peices....

Right, we have a controller on the planet. S'Katchoo's brain is back in situ, we just need a voodoo doctor to exercise his zombie like appetite for flesh (Mr Power Man, please could you do the honours)....

Leaving what is happening on the TSSS Phong's Head aside... how'sa about Dogscoff, Taz and me go back to that harem

[Erax]

"Owww... what happened ? Where am I ?"

"Braaains... more braaains..."

"Great... I'm in a B-movie."

PS : Captain, the harem girls were beamed up to the Phong some time ago.

[Growltigger]

Right, thanks for pointing that out Mr Erax, please reward yourself by taking a hot and soapy shower with our resident Gisella Bundchen clone...

OK chaps, end of the episode, the grand finale was the fight with the lizard queen. The girls have a new controller in their city, the harem lasses are currently resident on TSSS Phong's Head and will be sent back after a suitable amount of molestation.

We have Mr S'Katchoo's brain back in place, albeit he now is acting like a really bad 1950's zombie with a craving for flesh - almost better than his disco dancing and feyness... we can remedy that as a sub-plot in the next episode.

The damn klingons never did turn up but at least we managed to get rid of those damn Deadstar probes....

Cue shot of bridge crew looking happy and contented, cue themesong, and still picutres of Captain Jean Luc and Dogscoff in their armour looking mean, S'Katchoo craving brains, the hillbillies in sickbay, Jean Luc striking a pose, the away team slaughtering the nasty women things, Jean Luc looking heroic, the harem girls, Taz meeting Mrs Taz, Erax and Kamog tinkering, more pictures of Jean Luc and then a long final shot of a green skinned dancing girl (how did that get there?)

Right, what is the next episode then?

[Suicide Junkie]

Perhaps it is time for some Shore Leave?