(OT) Some advice for me / My Depression Thread / Thanks forumers

[TerranC]

One way of building social/ self confidence is through physical contact. I'm not suggesting you go round hugging everyone but certain sports and activities can do wonders for your interaction with others.

Contact sports like judo/ karate/ rugby would be good but they aren't suitable for everyone so if you don't fancy that, consider a first aid course or dancing lessons. In these situations you have to be close to people in a neutral, instructive setting which really builds your confidence. There is no embarrassment involved because everyone understands that the contact is simply required.

This is a very good advice to follow; as many people I've met in Calgary are inclined towards sports and the like.

Also, try to get into sports/outdoors minded option classes; as almost any high school in the city will have them

Edit: Taera, on a side note, do you take ESL (English as a Second Language) Classes? If you don't, try taking up an ESL club. You'll find many people who'll understand you there, and you'll get to practice English.

[ May 22, 2003, 01:27: Message edited by: TerranC ]

[Erax]

Taera,

When I was 11 I moved to a different part of the country with my family. My first two years at the new school were definitely the worst period of my life. Later on I made some friends, but I had no luck with dating until I got into college (too shy, I could never think of anything to say to a girl). Here's some activities that helped me along the way :

- Martial arts (for 2 years)
- High school theatre (4 years)
- Pen-and-paper RPGs (started 20 years ago, still haven't stopped)

None of these activities seemed interesting at first, but they gave me some badly needed self-confidence and allowed me to meet people and make some friends. Pretty soon I was enjoying myself, I was still shy but it wasn't terminal any more.

There is a very important epilogue to this story. There was this girl in my class who was very attractive, but we probaly spoke less than 50 words to each other during high school. When we had our 10-year high school class reunion she said something to the effect that she really admired me back in those days. So it's possible we never talked because she thought she had nothing interesting to say to me! Is that ironic or what ?

My advice is similar to everyone else's, try different activities which will make you get out and meet people, even if they don't seem too interesting at first.

Physical activity is especially important at your age because it will give you an overall feeling of well-being, which other people can sense so it will also improve your social life (I wish someone had explained this to me in these terms, my parents wanted me to practice sports but they never got beyond the 'do it because it's good for you' line).

Don't be too hard on yourself. Making mistakes at your age is practically expected (this is something else I wish I had known before).

Edit: Work on your personal life and think less about politics. My personal experience is that people, especially adults, will not listen to what you have to say about politics / economics / religion until you are 30, even if you have been saying the same things since you were 16.

[ May 22, 2003, 02:07: Message edited by: Erax ]

[Taera]

and again, good advice.
and apparently the very fact that i posted it here helped me, surprising me quite a bit.

for one thing im now trying to maintain a positive attitude, doing 'positive' things - like saying hi to neighbours i dont even know or thanks to a bus driver - things i dont usually do.

it all narrows down to physical activities and i agree that this is important. i, though, have never been active in that area - it simply wasnt the trend in israel -- soccer was but THIS soccer.. no thanks (big, dumb, strong were all the products of this sport. no exceptions. almost.) it is a change in my life that is yet to come but i hope it will.

Re:ESL - i took ESL first few months, as my guidance councellor insisted. was a laugh, i practically did nothing there. my speaking skills are getting generally better with time because i dont speak russian a lot in school and none of hebrew. considering my hebrew experience ill never become absolutely fluent in english but im getting better. and after all, people find my accent amusing which is just fine

Re: school activities - im aiming for high-grades and good university. i also only have 2 high-school years instead of three. im missing all phys.ed classes in Canada because i simply do not have space for them -- i have only one subject choice, in the end of grade 12 - and i want psychology there always enjoyed psychology...

Re: Church - not a religious person, plus russian-orthodox christianity background. do not go to church, at all.

Re: politics - hehe, i dont care about politics... just some general views on some aspects of life. but your right

[narf poit chez BOOM]

even if being socail doesn't come natural, you can still learn the rules...and humor's great. just make sure you know what kind of humor your good at.

[dogscoff]

it all narrows down to physical activities and i agree that this is important. i, though, have never been active in that area ... it is a change in my life that is yet to come but i hope it will.

Well you have to make that change yourself. Go and try out a few sports. My schools were all focussed on ppl with exceptional talent when it came to sport- anyone who was just mediocre like me was practically excluded. For that reason I hated all forms of excerise throughout my childhood and teens.

Then, after nearly getting beaten up one New Year's Eve- I went to a karate class. I loved it. It really changed the way I felt about myself, and for a short while I had a body like Jean-Claude Van Damme One day I'll find that guy who nearly beat me up and thank him for introducing me to martial arts.

Anyway, I've been doing karate on and off for about 6 or 7 years, and I've now moved on to judo, which is just as good.

[Aloofi]

Originally posted by dogscoff:


Anyway, I've been doing karate on and off for about 6 or 7 years, and I've now moved on to judo, which is just as good.

Wow, karate for seven years?
you must have at least a 2nd Dan-jo.
Which style?

I took Karate since i was 12, then I got drafted by the IDF, and while serving I took the 1st Dan-Jo test, just to be able to say that I have a black belt.
But I officially quit, I haven't learn anything since then. I guess I'm never gonna get the 2nd or 3rd Dan. Getting the 1st was hard enough, and I have forgotten a lot of the non-practical tecniques that I had to learn to pass the test.
Joshimon style, by the way.
I've heard that the Shotokan and the ****o-ryu are the most populars in Europe.

.

[Aloofi]

Originally posted by Taera:
considering my hebrew experience ill never become absolutely fluent in english but im getting better.

On the contrary, you will get a lot better and very fluent, because the more Languages you speak the more fluent you get in all at the same time. You gonna have a fairly easier time with a 3rd language than with a 2nd.

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