Merry Christmas n stuff

[narf poit chez BOOM]

well, it would probably help if you had a castle to put them in.

[Wardad]

Originally posted by Wardad:
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!
(and Fyron )


I'm Dreamin of a White Trash Christmas:
http://www.toonedin.com/movies/WhiteTrashXmas.html

I just was not sure if EVERYONE included Alien Agents

[geoschmo]

CHRISTMAS COOKIE RECIPE


Ingredients:

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Directions:

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl,
check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour
one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in
a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this
point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup
... just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to
the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off
floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the
beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check
for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz
a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain
your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you
can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall
over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through
the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the
dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS

[geoschmo]

The Best Christmas Song Ever!

Bob Rivers - The Twelve Pains of Christmas

[Wardad]

RednecK Christmas Carol

'Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack
Not a creature was stirrin', cept the lice on muh back.
The skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care,
With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were sleepin', all snug in their beds,
While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake.
Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake.

When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard,
I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.
I ran to the door, like I's on a mission,
But I tripped on some parts from muh granny's transmission.

The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin'.
Muh daughter weren't home yet, she wuz still out parkin'.

When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see
But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin' sheep.
With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin' and sick
I said "Shoot Fire!" That must be St. Nick!

More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came
And he belched and he hollered, and he called 'em by name.

Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS!
On FESTUS! On ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS!

From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins
Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away youins!

I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack.
Pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack.
He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog,
I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hog.

He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front,
And his jeans were all bloody from that morning's hunt.
A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm,
And he wore black boots that he'd picked up in 'Nam.

His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey.
From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky.
A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops.
The veins on his face looked ready to pop.

The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip
He wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips.
He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly.
I ain't seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly.

He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three
And I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me.
A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head,
From his hair came a rat that ran under the bed.

He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic,
Then filled the kid's stockings with Hooked on Phonics.
His toys came from Big Lots and they weren't very nice
But he had lots of them and yuh can't beat the price.

He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells.
Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies,
And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size.

When the presents were gone and he had no more,
He staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door.

He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order
"Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!"
And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y'ALL!"

YEE HAWWWW!

[Wardad]

I just recieved an addy for funny Christmas songs.

http://bunntyco.com/christmas_funnies.htm

[Fyron]

Originally posted by geoschmo:
The Best Christmas Song Ever!

Bob Rivers - The Twelve Pains of Christmas

I thought that was a Weird Al song...