Phong's Head Cantina [TM] - Starfury Sector (A Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy)

[General Woundwort]

Outside the front facade of the Phong's Head (currently being polished and burnished by a swarm of droids resembling mechanical Dow Scrubbing Bubbles), Woundwort is having a discussion with the Peter Lorre clone again. The discussion is rather spirited.

"What do you mean, Starfury won't be open for business for another eight to ten weeks!?!?!?"

"I'm most sorry, sir, but the operating authorities on Malfador III have decided to rework their economic and ship construction models. They assure me that this delay will drastically improve..."

"Oh, I'm sure it will. Meanwhile we'll be sitting here on our duffs with an empty Cantina. Bloody administrators!"

"Your patience is greatly appreciated, sir."

"It's not my patience you need to procure at this moment. My Boss is most displeased with this apparent blow to our profits. If... when he demands an accounting for this, I assure you it won't come out of my hide!"

Woundwort turns and stomps into the Phong's Head. The doors slide shut behind him.

The Lorre clone is left on a windblown empty street, looking with fearful apprehension at his UWW pad, currently featuring the fearsome portrait of Growltigger in its display.

[Growltigger]

Given the driving rain and generally gloomy and morbid decor, no one notices a large Class II feline (ooh, someone is really going to suffer for that remark) placing stacks of C4 against the holographic sign outside the Starfury cantina entrance.....

now, what does this red button do on the detonator?

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort reclines in the leather chair in his office, smoking a Padron 3000, still fuming over the set-back in Starfury's open. On top of all this, the installation of his in-office stereo system had been the object of a practical joke by one of the worker bots. The Bose Wave system had been installed perfectly, and a brand-new CD of Rush: Perspectives II was inserted, but one of the bots had set it to endlessly loop through "The Body Electric". That had taken the better part of an hour to undo.

Tapping at a UWW pad and wondering how many Starfury merc runs would be necessary to recoup the back payments on the Cantina, Woundwort (along with the rest of the worker crew) are startled to hear an explosion outside.

Rising from his chair and punching a few buttons on his wrist computer, the wall behind him shimmers and turns transparent. Outside, standing beside the smoking ruins of the holostatue, is the Boss.

"Great. Just great. I should've known that idea of Deadstar's would be a washout..." Woundwort mutters as the foreman droid rushes into his office.

"Sir, sir! Someone's blown up the statue of the Boss! And it looks like the Boss himself!"

"I know. Just get your bots out of the way and back to their assigned duties."

Woundwort takes the turbolift down to the ground level, walks out, and surveys the smoking crater that was once the holostatue projector.

"You know, Boss, if you didn't like it, all you had to do was say so..."

[ August 09, 2003, 14:23: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[General Woundwort]

The foreman droid enters Woundwort's office. Woundwort is going over the accounting spreadsheet on a pop-up computer screen on his desk.

"What happened to the message bot?"

"We transported it back as ordered."

"And...?"

"Well... we had to destroy it upon arrival?"

"What is this, 20 Questions? What on earth happened?"

The foreman droid walks over to Woundwort and starts buzzing in his ear. Variously, looks of shock, horror, and disgust march over his face.

"Uh... right. Carry on."

"Yes, sir. What about the holostatue?"

"Don't bother replacing it. Just call the Starfury construction board and have them fill in the crater in the sidewalk. As long as the opening is delayed, they can put the time to good use."

"Yes, sir."

[General Woundwort]

Woundwort reclines in the chair of his office, watching the construction work on the interior of the Phong's Head on a bank of videoscreens lining the right-hand wall. The finishing touches are being put on. The work is almost done.

"And pretty much on time," he muses aloud between puffs of a cigar. "On our part. If only those guys on Malfador III were more prompt..." A sigh, followed by a long draw, and a puff of smoke. "Well, nothing to do now but wait..."

A sharp chime announces the arrival of the foreman droid. It walks into the office and clicks its heels.

"The Last design changes have been filed. One more shipment of decor and we're all set. Give it another 48 hours and she'll be ready to go."

"Excellent. Good work, lad. Good work."

"Oh, by the way... since things were winding down here, one of the Boss's other employees asked for a loan of some worker droids for a project back at the home cantina."

"Sure, why not? We've no further need for them here. Just out of curiosity, what project?"

"Well..."

Woundwort drops the cigar onto a large marble ashtray. "Okay, NOW what?"

The droid hesitates, then walks up to Woundwort and buzzes into his ear.

"Oh... my.... g..." Woundwort drops his head into his hands and sits motionless for a long time.

"Okay. When... IF... those droids get back, make sure they are thoroughly disinfected. GOT IT?"

"Yessir."

The foreman droid snaps to attention, and departs the office. Woundwort stares at the smouldering stub of his cigar.

"What in the world have I gotten myself into here...?"

[Raging Deadstar]

Woundwort, i'd be decidedly worried if GT makes the orgasmatron compulsory in all cantinas!

Also i'd be worried if Ragnarok visits in his current state, we may have to order a lot more food and widen the doors.

[General Woundwort]

Tell me about it. I think these guys have been at their computer terminals too long...

(opens up a polished-walnut chest and holds it in Deadstar's direction)

Cigar? Somebody's gotta celebrate the end of construction...

[ August 09, 2003, 14:19: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]