Newbie Slug Fest - Mose Hansen game - ENDED

[KroolDeath]

Yes, Abysia seems to have taken advantage of the fact that I am in a somehwat weakened state from fighting Vanheim.

However, I used regular troops in those battles (Principes), and have many more goodies up my sleeve, waiting for such an event such as this.

A recommendation for an immediate withdraw from my territories is called for.


Don't you think all the gem income is going to something??

Krool
Pythium

[Grim Knight]

Ah yes KroolDeath, of course the Gem income is going to something. I expect this, I just want to see it.

Show Me the product of the gem income!!!

Show Me what you've got!!

Stop Me if you can!

Grim Knight, the opportunist, has spoken.

[PashaDawg]

DECLARATION OF DISGUST
with Imposition of Sanctions

We, the undersigned Noble Lords of the Empire of Ulm, being duly authorized by divine fiat issued by His Most Holy PASHA, the Black Iron Lord of Ulm, do hereby find the base villain, THE PANTHER, pretender and scourge of the universe, to be guilty of scores of heinous acts such as:

He hath polluted the environment with thaumaturgic garbage and refused to clean up after himself. He hath betrayed the natural liberty inherent to the ontological essence of his meek winged folk and hath enslaved them and made them do his evil deeds while he worked through them vicariously. He hath overtaxed them without due representation and hath flaunted this wrong by lavishing gifts on his malignant minions at bawdy parties of Jello wrestling and nude ping-pong.

He hath betrayed the sacred trust among God Pretenders by commencing hostile actions against the peaceful folk of Jotunheim and Acroscephale without cause and for only unjust and greedy self promotion. In spite of courteous missives from the Black Iron Lord of Ulm, he hath ignored all encouragement to cease his wicked warmongering.

He hath murdered and dismembered the cute, furry bunnies known by the names of Floppy, Quiver Cottontail, Beevie, and Scootie, for the sole purpose of indulging his sadistic bloodthirstiness. He laughed when poor Scootie begged. He gathered all his malignant minions to watch while he sliced off defenseless Floppy’s ears. His sickness doth run deep.

WHEREFORE, we hereby declare THE PANTHER anathema. He is hereby irrevocably excommunicated from the Sacred Brotherhood of Uzzurbleeshewfooth.

FURTHERMORE, upon the authority granted to us by said divine fiat, we impose sanctions upon said PANTHER. No further imports or exports of goods or services shall be made from the Empire of Ulm to or from the Dictatorship of Caelum. All Caelum assets within the Dominion of Ulm are hereby frozen and seized as reparations rightfully due to the Black Iron Lord of Ulm.

This we sign upon our sacred honor:

/s/ Sir Ircon Teabiskut, High Lord Secretary of State

/s/ Sir Gullschmire Kaffeemitmilch, High Lord Secretary of the Treasury

/s/ Sir Graham Grassbahl, His Almost Most Highness

[deccan]

In addition to the proclamation of our dearly beloved allies of Ulm, of whom only one their many virtues we giants of Jotunheim hold in great esteem is their highly cultivated and refined taste in haute cuisine and fine wines and to whom we are greatly appreciative for their recent gift of a most delicious recipe namely "Caelum wing flambé marinated in thick mammoth stew" and with "iced cider topped with crushed astral pearls" for dessert, we wish to share with the nations of Inland a recent discovery by our scientists that cannot but add to the already mountaineous evidence of the evilness of the pernicious Panther, enemy of all.

Specificially, through the most ingenious reasoning of the very large brains of our best Jotun scientists and the application of the most rigorous methods of statistical analysis available in the pre-scientific period we live in, we have determined that the recent increase in incidence of crying Jotun babies and the loudness of such crying can be perfectly correlated with the noted period during which the hated minions of Panther began the widespread use of the most annoying spell "False Horror".

Our suspicions were confirmed when during a sophisticated experiment one of our scientists muttered "Wooooo" in a creche which resulted in all babies present crying at volumes sufficient to break giant eardrums.

Due to this and the high likelihood that Jotun parents have incurred permanent psychological damage due to the excessive crying from this one concrete example of thaumaturgical pollution directly caused by the evil Panther and alluded to by the respected Ulmites, we call upon all nations of Inland to support us in our demand that Caelum make reparations by providing a free seraph to each household for babysitting duties.

[KroolDeath]

Arrrggg, I must duly admit that I am close to being vanquished before I could bring my might to bear on the renegade Abysian nation!

After not being able to connect to the game, I find myself with Abysia on my capital, not two turns after losing my Ghost King to an indy province debacle.

(Side note here: This game has been problematic for me to connect too at times, however, I don't think it would have changed the current scenario one bit, Abysia would still be at my capital given my weakened status from my war with Vanheim. So, not using it as an excuse!).

Of course, I will be fighting to the bitter end, which should be...a turn or two!

Krool the Betrayed

[deccan]

Alas my dear Pythium, I would love to join you for a spot of flash-fried salamander tongue, but us giants would have a hard time getting past the uncouth rabble at your gates. Truly, these barbarians have no manners...

[DragonFire11]

Well, at least I held three provinces at one point! Death becomes me I think.

Adios!

[The Panther]

"Sir! Sir!"
"What now?"
"These new proclamations from our enemies!"
"Yeah, I saw them. Have you converted the one from Ulm into English yet?"
"Um, it IS in English, sir!"
"I don't think so, for it makes absolutely no sense. One more heretofore henceforth or He Hath and I just might scream!"
"That would not be wise sir, for the chicken pen has not been covered up. Your scream might kill them."
"Would it kill you?"
"Um, no sir."
"Darn!"

"Anyway, my dear provost, how can Ulm issue proclamations that are false?"
"Well, it seems that if you put a bunch of nonsense together and sound all high and mighty, people will believe you."
"So, do we have our own proclamation ready like I asked to counter this slander?"
"Yes sir, and we are just waiting for your final approval, sir."
"I see. Finally you are doing something right."
"I will also point out a very important thing about this so-called Declaration of Digust from Ulm, sir."
"And?"
"And their Minister of War did not sign it. We think he has been beheaded for the huge mistake of invading our beloved homeland. Since the war is going so poorly for them, we believe that the Pretender God Pasha was most displeased with the boneheaded advice of the Minister of War."
"Has Pasha sued for peace yet?"
"No, and we believe he will not do so either. So, what are we to do with the Ulm capitol, now that our armies seige it?"
"Take it."
"Very good, sir, very good. And if Ulm wants peace?"
"We may discuss terms AFTER we own his capitol, not before."
"Yes sir."

"Now, what about this message from the giants?"
"Well, sir, that message was deemed fairly accurate. We have been keeping their children AND their soldiers awake with that horror dream. You were most correct when you told me that the lightning bolts were not useful against giants. But this latest spell seems to work just fine against those nasty creatures."
"Ha! They too will rue the day they invaded my sacred homeland!"
"Yes sir, I believe they already do!"
"And what was that thing about our Seraphs for babysitting duties?"
"Um, we will ignore it."
"Right answer! You CAN be taught!"
"Thank you, sir, I think."

"Good. Now about that third nation that invaded us long ago, Arcosoblat or whatever the heck they call themselves. What about them? The war does seem to be going quite well for us down south."
"It is, sir, it is! We have taken everything but their capitol now. We will soon seige and take that too. And we have killed that false pretender twice now."
"Great, so he must be gone forever, just like the false Gods of Ermor and Vanheim?"
"Um, no sir. Garuda is back. It seems that those priestesses persist in calling him back from the dead."
"Darn it, I knew that was going to happen. At least he has all those afflictions we put on him in that Last glorious battle!"
"Um, no. Those same priestesses seem to have healed him. They know an odd spell called healing."
"Well, why don't we learn that same spell then? We need that to heal the injuries of my poor prophet queen that those nasty Ulm knights inflicted!"
"Um, we are working on it, but it seems to be a unique thing for these Arco types."
"Darn it all, and with all I pay to your university! Find me an answer!"
"Yes sir."
"Very well, then. Let's get this proclamation posted."
"Aye, aye, sir. Here it is."

The Proclamation of Mighty Defense:
Let it be known to all false pretenders that any nation which invades the fine country of Caelum like first Arcoswhatever, then Jontunheim, and finally Ulm hath done, such nations shall be burned to the ground! We will show no mercy. We will be eventually be eliminating those three nations from existence, whenever we decide to do so. Let this be a lesson to all false gods in the fine land of Inland!"

/s His Highness Most Holy, to be feared above all else,
Panther of Caelum.


"I like it, I like it!"
"I knew you would, sir!"

[KroolDeath]

Yes...This is a pity indeed. Had I known the Abysian's wanted to play at my capital, I would have sent a proper invite and showered them with gifts and friendship.

No, instead, it must end this way.

In revenge, I am going to stale every other turn to drag out my imminent demise. j/k

Krool