Newbie Slug Fest - Mose Hansen game - ENDED

[deccan]

In addition to the proclamation of our dearly beloved allies of Ulm, of whom only one their many virtues we giants of Jotunheim hold in great esteem is their highly cultivated and refined taste in haute cuisine and fine wines and to whom we are greatly appreciative for their recent gift of a most delicious recipe namely "Caelum wing flambé marinated in thick mammoth stew" and with "iced cider topped with crushed astral pearls" for dessert, we wish to share with the nations of Inland a recent discovery by our scientists that cannot but add to the already mountaineous evidence of the evilness of the pernicious Panther, enemy of all.

Specificially, through the most ingenious reasoning of the very large brains of our best Jotun scientists and the application of the most rigorous methods of statistical analysis available in the pre-scientific period we live in, we have determined that the recent increase in incidence of crying Jotun babies and the loudness of such crying can be perfectly correlated with the noted period during which the hated minions of Panther began the widespread use of the most annoying spell "False Horror".

Our suspicions were confirmed when during a sophisticated experiment one of our scientists muttered "Wooooo" in a creche which resulted in all babies present crying at volumes sufficient to break giant eardrums.

Due to this and the high likelihood that Jotun parents have incurred permanent psychological damage due to the excessive crying from this one concrete example of thaumaturgical pollution directly caused by the evil Panther and alluded to by the respected Ulmites, we call upon all nations of Inland to support us in our demand that Caelum make reparations by providing a free seraph to each household for babysitting duties.

[KroolDeath]

Arrrggg, I must duly admit that I am close to being vanquished before I could bring my might to bear on the renegade Abysian nation!

After not being able to connect to the game, I find myself with Abysia on my capital, not two turns after losing my Ghost King to an indy province debacle.

(Side note here: This game has been problematic for me to connect too at times, however, I don't think it would have changed the current scenario one bit, Abysia would still be at my capital given my weakened status from my war with Vanheim. So, not using it as an excuse!).

Of course, I will be fighting to the bitter end, which should be...a turn or two!

Krool the Betrayed

[deccan]

Alas my dear Pythium, I would love to join you for a spot of flash-fried salamander tongue, but us giants would have a hard time getting past the uncouth rabble at your gates. Truly, these barbarians have no manners...

[DragonFire11]

Well, at least I held three provinces at one point! Death becomes me I think.

Adios!

[The Panther]

DragonFire11 said:
Well, at least I held three provinces at one point! Death becomes me I think.

Adios!

Good game and nice defense holding out, Dragon Fire. You Lasted far longer than anyone could have possibly thought! Especially Pickles.

[DragonFire11]

Thanks Panther. Someday I'll play a good game, not just hold on by the merest hope. Keep the tips coming!. And I forgot to leave my testamentary effects! I was so habituated to Pickles’ invasions that I never actually thought he would truly kill me. It figures. I don’t have a will in real life and I have kids and an attorney wife. Making a will would cut into my gaming time.

[DragonFire11]

If this group plays another game please drop me a message on this forum! Thanks.

[The Panther]

"Sir! Sir!"
"What now?"
"These new proclamations from our enemies!"
"Yeah, I saw them. Have you converted the one from Ulm into English yet?"
"Um, it IS in English, sir!"
"I don't think so, for it makes absolutely no sense. One more heretofore henceforth or He Hath and I just might scream!"
"That would not be wise sir, for the chicken pen has not been covered up. Your scream might kill them."
"Would it kill you?"
"Um, no sir."
"Darn!"

"Anyway, my dear provost, how can Ulm issue proclamations that are false?"
"Well, it seems that if you put a bunch of nonsense together and sound all high and mighty, people will believe you."
"So, do we have our own proclamation ready like I asked to counter this slander?"
"Yes sir, and we are just waiting for your final approval, sir."
"I see. Finally you are doing something right."
"I will also point out a very important thing about this so-called Declaration of Digust from Ulm, sir."
"And?"
"And their Minister of War did not sign it. We think he has been beheaded for the huge mistake of invading our beloved homeland. Since the war is going so poorly for them, we believe that the Pretender God Pasha was most displeased with the boneheaded advice of the Minister of War."
"Has Pasha sued for peace yet?"
"No, and we believe he will not do so either. So, what are we to do with the Ulm capitol, now that our armies seige it?"
"Take it."
"Very good, sir, very good. And if Ulm wants peace?"
"We may discuss terms AFTER we own his capitol, not before."
"Yes sir."

"Now, what about this message from the giants?"
"Well, sir, that message was deemed fairly accurate. We have been keeping their children AND their soldiers awake with that horror dream. You were most correct when you told me that the lightning bolts were not useful against giants. But this latest spell seems to work just fine against those nasty creatures."
"Ha! They too will rue the day they invaded my sacred homeland!"
"Yes sir, I believe they already do!"
"And what was that thing about our Seraphs for babysitting duties?"
"Um, we will ignore it."
"Right answer! You CAN be taught!"
"Thank you, sir, I think."

"Good. Now about that third nation that invaded us long ago, Arcosoblat or whatever the heck they call themselves. What about them? The war does seem to be going quite well for us down south."
"It is, sir, it is! We have taken everything but their capitol now. We will soon seige and take that too. And we have killed that false pretender twice now."
"Great, so he must be gone forever, just like the false Gods of Ermor and Vanheim?"
"Um, no sir. Garuda is back. It seems that those priestesses persist in calling him back from the dead."
"Darn it, I knew that was going to happen. At least he has all those afflictions we put on him in that Last glorious battle!"
"Um, no. Those same priestesses seem to have healed him. They know an odd spell called healing."
"Well, why don't we learn that same spell then? We need that to heal the injuries of my poor prophet queen that those nasty Ulm knights inflicted!"
"Um, we are working on it, but it seems to be a unique thing for these Arco types."
"Darn it all, and with all I pay to your university! Find me an answer!"
"Yes sir."
"Very well, then. Let's get this proclamation posted."
"Aye, aye, sir. Here it is."

The Proclamation of Mighty Defense:
Let it be known to all false pretenders that any nation which invades the fine country of Caelum like first Arcoswhatever, then Jontunheim, and finally Ulm hath done, such nations shall be burned to the ground! We will show no mercy. We will be eventually be eliminating those three nations from existence, whenever we decide to do so. Let this be a lesson to all false gods in the fine land of Inland!"

/s His Highness Most Holy, to be feared above all else,
Panther of Caelum.


"I like it, I like it!"
"I knew you would, sir!"

[KroolDeath]

Yes...This is a pity indeed. Had I known the Abysian's wanted to play at my capital, I would have sent a proper invite and showered them with gifts and friendship.

No, instead, it must end this way.

In revenge, I am going to stale every other turn to drag out my imminent demise. j/k

Krool

[Grim Knight]

Krool, here I am knocking at your door loudly.

I assure you I only want to crash the loud party on the other side of the walls.

Why don't you just open the door and let me in?

*Crosses fingers and holds them out of sight behind his back*

I won't cause too much damage, I promise.

Grim Knight

P.S.

Where are the hideous creatures purchased with the gem income?