Randomosity I - Started!

[The_Tauren13]

Scene I: An army of peasants wants to enlist in the Abysian army.

Peasant: We will fight for our god!
Warlord: Your God? You know if the Abysians win this war we will enslave all humans...
Peasant: Yes, but you pay well, and since our morale is so low, chances are we will run before we have to actually fight. So really, it’s a good deal. For us.
Warlord: Why would we pay you anything? You're useless!
Peasant: Well, you won't actually pay us. We'll just show up and take your money when we want it.
Warlord: Oh yeah? (raises mace)
Peasant: Oh and by the way, you can't kill your own troops. (the Warlord’s mace mysteriously fails to harm the peasant)
Warlord: What? Nobody said you were on our side? In fact, I said you weren't.
Peasant: Yeah, but we need the money. Think of it as welfare.
Warlord: There is no welfare in Abysia, you fool. We don't support, we oppress!
Peasant: Right. Call us if you need us. Not that you ever will.
Warlord: (looks around) There's got to be an enemy province around. Somewhere to get you guys killed.
Peasant: (laughs) Haha, see! That's our plan. You can give me my half of a gold coin for this month now, I need a drink.


Scene II: The Warlord tries to explain to his God what happened.

Vampire Queen: Let me get this straight. You hired a band of militia? On whose orders?
Warlord: Their orders, my Queen.
Vampire Queen: What? I fail to comprehend. Who is 'their'?
Warlord: The peasants themselves, my Queen.
Vampire Queen: You're taking orders from humans? I have no use for you. (begins to drain the Warlord's life)
Warlord: Wait! No! You can't kill your own troops!
Vampire Queen: Yes, but you aren't exactly real. I haven't actually recruited any Warlords. You're just a plot device. A now unneeded plot device, to be exact. Goodbye.
Warlord: No! (the Warlord falls to the floor dead)
Vampire Queen: (turns to another not really real Warlord) Find a way to get those peasants killed!
New Warlord: Yes, my Queen.


Scene III: The Warlord leads the greedy peasant army to the C'tis border.

Peasant: You're not going to start a war just to get us killed, are you? That would be stupid!
Warlord: Just following orders. Come along now.
Peasant: Wait. Because you haven't actually been recruited, we don't have to follow you. You don't have enough leadership!
Warlord: Fine. (goes to the capitol, gets officially recruited, comes back) Ok peasants, time to die.
Peasant: Oh no! He has 50 leadership!


Scene IV: The peasants attack a C'tis province in which there is only 1 PD.

C'tis Commander: What, why are you attacking? We have a border agreement! Treachery! Villains!
Warlord: Hey, calm down. We just need you to kill these peasants for us.
Peasant: Oops, we just failed a bunch of morale checks. Run away!
Warlord: Damnit. Chase after them! Kill them!
C'tis Commander: Hey, you can't order my troops around! Troops, hold your ground!
Warlord: Damnit again. Guess we have to keep paying them.


Scene V: Sadly, the Abysian Empire's finances were not sufficient to finish the production. There is no Scene V.

[Soapyfrog]

Heheh.

Hey anybody know what happened to Nappa?

[PashaDawg]

[img]/threads/images/Graemlins/icon42.gif[/img] [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/icon42.gif[/img] [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/icon42.gif[/img] The Abyssian dealings with HELL are an absolute and unforgivable affront to Virtuous Dominion of Marignon and its subjects. The stench of devilry to our west must be extinguished for the benefit of all. War is hereby declared. We shall bring FREEDOM to the oppressed Abyssian slaves, and their masters and bloodsucking queen-***** shall be cast back into the foul pit from which they arose. [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/icon42.gif[/img] [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/icon42.gif[/img] [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/icon42.gif[/img]

[Soapyfrog]

Sounds bellicose!

[The_Tauren13]

HEY!!! Keep your inquisition to yourself

[The_Tauren13]

The unbearably haughty Nation of Marignon has made an utterly unprovoked invasion of our privacy, and would even attempt to justify it by scorning our dealings with Hell. Really, Hell isn't that bad. It's just another excuse for the foul inquisitors to continue their unjust would-be crusade into the heart of a peaceful country. To arms, my brothers! Kill them all, and let the Devil sort them out!

[PashaDawg]

BAH!!! The terrible speed with which you are tearing through our lands is further evidence that you're EVIL and of the righteousness of OUR CAUSE. You will fail. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy... just YOU WAIT, Buster!! I mean it, man.... yup... you're going DOWN... down in FLAMES!!! FLAMES!!! You HEAR me??? FLAMES!!!!! Um.... no wait... you're immune to flames.... [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/Cold.gif[/img] [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/Cold.gif[/img] [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/Cold.gif[/img] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! !

[Jurri]

PashaDawg said:
I mean it, man.... yup... you're going DOWN... down in FLAMES!!! FLAMES!!! You HEAR me??? FLAMES!!!!! Um.... no wait... you're immune to flames....

Marignon attacking Abysia... Now who didn't see that one coming? Keep up the good fight Pasha! Just don't get burned yourself.

In other news AI Pan seems to spread like the plague through former Man lands with the courageous giants as its herald. At the same time the illustrious armies of Pythium get their asses kicked by a bunch of mages on research duty! I'll get you both yet, just you wait and see!