OT: Hell is For Heroes.

[dogscoff]

yay! They're back!

By the way AZ, I created a brief HifH page over on the wiki: http://wiki.spaceempires.net/index.p..._is_for_Heroes but it's more of a placeholder than anything. Feel free to improve it.

Will this other story you mentioned be set in the same galaxy as HifH or is it a complete departure?

[AgentZero]

dogscoff said:
yay! They're back!

By the way AZ, I created a brief HifH page over on the wiki: http://wiki.spaceempires.net/index.p..._is_for_Heroes but it's more of a placeholder than anything. Feel free to improve it.

Cool, thanks! I've given it a little read over and can't think of anything to add. It's short and to the point, and that's the way I like things.



[/quote] Will this other story you mentioned be set in the same galaxy as HifH or is it a complete departure?

[/quote]

The new story is a pretty big departure. It's set in the future, but it's not really the future of Earth, but of a fantasy realm, so you have things like the filthy rich riding around on dragons, wizards complaining that personal teleporters are putting them out of business, orcs and trolls cleaning floors, that sort of madness.

[Puke]

AgentZero said:It's set in the future, but it's not really the future of Earth, but of a fantasy realm, so you have things like the filthy rich riding around on dragons, wizards complaining that personal teleporters are putting them out of business, orcs and trolls cleaning floors, that sort of madness.

aw, poop. its set in the adamant mod.

[AgentZero]

Puke said:

aw, poop. its set in the adamant mod.

Well, I haven't actually played the adamant mod (ducks) so don't get your hopes up. More than anything, this story will be a case of me poking fun at the whole fantasy universe thing, so it'll either be very entertaining, or suck harshly. It's really hard to say which.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

Don't parady to much. Sly humour is much better than in-your-face for parady, otherwise it tends to become a rant session - At least, based on the fanfiction I've read.

[AgentZero]

Resurrected from the depths of page 2!


“Now, now,” the doctor said soothingly. “There's no need for that. Not that it would do you any good, mind you. We've taken some extra precautions this time around.”
Kagan tried to sit up in the bed, but found it rather difficult, given the large strap wrapped around his chest. He tried moving his arms, only to find them restrained at the bicep and further down at the wrist. Not expecting much, he gave his legs a tentative wiggle, and felt the straps around his thighs and ankles bind slightly. He called upon the power granted to him by the nanobots coursing through his veins, but nothing happened. He tried again, but to no avail. It was as though something was blocking him from communicating with the machines within him. He could give orders, but something prevented them from ever reaching their destination.
“We have of course taken a number of other precautions, beyond simply restraining you,” the doctor went on. “You'll notice there are no windows for you to fling yourself from-”
A memory pushed it's way to the surface of Kagan's mind. Armed guards, pointing their weapons at him. Alice at his side, ready to fling herself into battle. Looking behind himself, seeing a window with shrubs outside. The assumption they were on the ground floor. Grabbing Alice and diving through the window. A glimpse of potted plants sitting on the window ledge, and the ground far below, rushing up to meet him. He shuddered. That fall should have killed him, and yet, here he was sitting in a bed with no apparent injuries, listening to the doctor ramble on.
“-after that, of course, we decided to separate the two of you,” Dr. Gwenllyn was saying. “Oh, yes. I almost forgot. There's the suppression field that should render it quite impossible for you to make use of those pesky nanobots you seem so fond of.”
Kagan stared at Gwenllyn for a long moment, and realizing that he was, for the moment, trapped, decided to make good use of his time here.
“What happened to us?” he asked. “Someone shot us... We died... And then...”
“Well, that is quite an interesting story,” the doctor said. “One I have told you before, but I suppose given the trauma you insist on inflicting upon yourself, it's no surprise you've gone and forgotten. You were first brought here by our paramedics, straight into the morgue, I'm afraid, as you bother were quite dead. Some time after that, we found you, ah, wandering the hallways in a state of great confusion.”
It didn't take nano-enhanced senses for Kagan to know that the doctor wasn't being entirely truthful; Gwenllyn was a lousy liar.
“You're lying,” Kagan said bluntly. “Tell me the truth, or don't tell me anything at all.”
Gwenllyn sighed and pinched his nose with an expression of resignation. “Very well, Mr. Kagan, we found the two of you fornicating in a supply closet. Does that little truth make you feel better?”
Kagan grinned toothily. “Much,” he replied. “Please continue.”
Gwenllyn sighed again. “After you were- found, we were naturally curious as to how this came to be, so we arranged a number of tests-”
Kagan gasped as another memory slammed into the front of his mind.
“You bastards!” he snarled. “You dissected us! Pulled out our organs and made us watch!”
The doctor cleared his throat and looked mildly embarrassed. “Please, Mr. Kagan, you make it sound so- primitive. You had to be conscious in order for us to discern the effect organ removal would have on you. But the results, the results were quite miraculous. Within seconds of us removing an organ, be it a heart, lung, or length of intestine, your nanobots swarmed into the area and formed themselves into an artificial organ. Once the artificial organ had stabilized, other nanobots began constructing a new, organic organ around the framework of the artificial one. As soon as this task was complete, the nanobots dispersed into your bloodstream, leaving you good as new. That being said, the removal of your organs did prove rather traumatic for you, and you both had a tendency to lose consciousness for several hours, even up to a day or two upon the removal of a major organ.”
Kagan lay still, staring at the doctor in mute horror. “But... but that's not possible,” he managed eventually. “Nanomachines aren't that sophisticated, not by a long shot.”
“Indeed,” Gwenllyn agreed. “Though I was able to dig up some references to nanobots with similar abilities, and I should also mention that the design and materials used for your nanobots are quite unlike anything we've ever seen. At least, not in a very long time.” He leaned in close to Kagan. “So, Mr. Kagan, the real question becomes, how did you go about getting your hands on Second Dynasty nanobots, hmmm?”
Kagan pondered the question for a moment, then lunged forward with all his might. Dr. Gwenllyn jerked backwards, barely managing to save his own life as Kagan's jaws snapped shut a hair's breadth away form his throat.
“I'll kill ye before I tell ye a thing!” Kagan shouted. “I'll feckin kill ye for what ye've done to us, ye godless son of a whore!”
Gwenllyn's condescending reply was cut off by a vengeful scream from the room next to theirs.
“Ah,” Gwenllyn said. “It seems your companion is awake.”
Quite suddenly, the far wall exploded inwards as the body of an intern crashed through the plaster and skidded across the floor. Silhouetted in the billowing dust around the hole, stood the figure of Alice, dressed in a hospital robe with her arm restraints dangling from her wrists.
“Aye, that she is,” Kagan agreed.
“Security!” shouted Gwenllyn, fearfully jabbing at a button on his wrist control unit. The sound of combat boots burst into the room outside of Kagan's field of vision, followed swiftly by the sound of charging capacitors as weapons were readied. This was followed by muffled sounds of confusion as Alice's silhouette suddenly disappeared from the hole. Moments later, the sound of struggle filled the room, punctuated occasionally by the sound of a body hitting the floor heavily. At one point, a stun-rifle flew butt-first across Kagan's field of vision and smacked Dr. Gwenllyn squarely in the side of the head. The doctor crumpled to the floor unconscious, and soon after silence once again filled the room.
“Are you just going to lie there all day?” Alice inquired, leaning over him. She was now dressed in the ill-fitting uniform of hospital security, and carried a stun-rifle in one hand.
“I can't get free,” Kagan admitted. “There's a suppression field stopping me from using my 'bots.”
“Oh, that,” Alice said dismissively. “That's easy. You just have to want for the field to not be there anymore and it goes away.”
Kagan frowned at her in disbelief, but tried anyway, willing more than anything to be free of the suppression field. Suddenly, there was a crackle and a fizzle, and Kagan tore himself free of his restraints with a burst of inhuman strength.
“I'm not sure I want to know how that worked,” he said, eying Alice as he tugged the restraints off his arms and legs.
“Hey, since when do I have the answers?” she asked with a grin.
Done with freeing himself, Kagan hopped off the bed and found a lifeless security guard laying near the bed that was about his size.
“What I do know, is that we're on the ground floor,” Alice told him as he set to work undressing the guard. “There was a floor map in my room. On the other side of that wall, there's another room, and on the other side of that is outside.”
“Well then,” said Kagan as he cinched up his belt and adjusted his shirt. “We just have to figure out a way to get-”
He was interrupted as Alice picked up Gwenllyn's motionless form and hurled it through the far wall.
“Tada!” she said happily.
“Yes,” Kagan agreed dryly. “That's much better than my plan.”
“Sorry,” she replied as she clambered through the new hole. “We'll do your plan next time, I promise.”
Kagan squeezed through after her, and looked about the new room. It was dimly lit, but from what he could make out, it appeared to be a common room, with tables and chairs placed about the room, and a large screen on one wall. On the other side of the room was a large window, through which Kagan could see a garden path that led down to a main road. Alice once again picked up Dr. Gwenllyn and hurled him through the window.
“Easy as pie!” she declared, and turned back to Kagan to find him pointing to the open door right beside the hole in the window. She looked from Kagan to the door, then back to Kagan and shrugged.
“Surely you concede, he deserved it,” she said.
It was Kagan's turn to shrug, and they hurried outside; Kagan through the door and Alice through the hole. They jogged down to the main road, and managed easily to flag down a passing taxi. Kagan instructed him to take them to a busy downtown street, charging the fare to the hospital's account, where they picked up another taxi to a different thoroughfare. They repeated the process several times, eventually reaching the Daedalus's landing pad. They approached the ship slowly, the gangway was down and light spilled out onto the platform. Slowly making their way up the ramp, they spotted a group of a half-dozen men facing in their direction, their eyes intent on a woman standing with her back to them. Raising his head to get a better look, Kagan banged his skull against a support strut, causing it to resonate with a loud twang. The six men raised their weapons, and the woman spun around. Kagan heard Alice let out a cry of glee as she recognized Saraea, and within seconds, Saraea had crossed the floor and grabbed ahold of the two of them in a tight embrace. The three friends hugged each other tightly for a long moment before Alice inquired, “Um, whose hand is on my bum?”

--------

Who are these strange men aboard the Daedalus? What manner of adventures await our plucky heroes? What ever happened to Ted? Exactly whose hand is on Alice's bum? All these question and more will be answered in the next exciting installment of Hell is for Heroes!

[AgentZero]

Dear lord, did I really let this slide to page 3?


“Sorry, sweetie,” Saraea said, stepping back. “I've just missed it so much.”
“Well,” Alice said slowly. “I suppose I'd probably miss it after a while too, so you're forgiven. But more importantly, who are they?” she asked, pointing at the six onlookers.
“Mercs,” Saraea replied. “I hired them after I found out you were being held in the hospital. They were actually going to make a move tonight.”
Kagan looked from the mercenaries to Saraea, and back to the mercenaries again before settling his gaze on his old friend. “You needed six large men to break into a hospital? You.”
Saraea smiled at him. “I do not need the assistance of six large men to rescue anyone from anywhere. I do however need six large men to rescue my two favourite people from a hospital without anyone getting killed.”
“Ah,” Kagan said, nodding. “I knew there was a logic to it somewhere.”
“So, Alice-” Saraea broke off and looked around the room before inquiring, “Where's Alice?”
As if in reply, the ship's atmospheric thrusters thundered to life and the ship lurched as it began to rise into the air. Kagan stumbled forward in the direction of the bridge. Saraea shouted at the mercenaries to get off the ship while they still could. Five of them raced down the gangway, but the leader stood fast, shouting something about payment until Saraea sent him scurrying off the ship with an indescribably evil look. Somehow managing a serene stroll despite the bobbing and weaving of the ship, she made her way to the gangway controls and closed the cargo bay doors. That accomplished, she walked up the flight of stairs to the common room, dodged a sliding chair, nimbly leapt over an overly aggressive sofa and ambled up the corridor to the bridge. There she found Kagan, on his back with his legs propped up in the air by a chair, struggling to right himself, and Alice seated calmly at the navigation console, her hands deftly flying across the controls. Noticing Saraea, Kagan briefly stopped struggling long enough to inform her that forcibly removing Alice from the bridge was not a wise course of action. Eventually, he managed to free his legs from the chair, and pulled himself onto it, where he sat for a moment, breathing heavily.
“So, pumpkin,” he said conversationally. “Where are we going.”
“Up,” Alice replied distractedly. “We are most assuredly going up.”
“Okay,” he said slowly. “And where are we going after that?”
“There,” she told him, pointing vaguely at the navigational chart to her left.
“Wonderful!” he exclaimed with the barest hint of sarcasm. “Why?”
“I have too many pistachios, yet no spoon,” Alice informed him.
Kagan and Saraea shared a look, then as one rushed Alice. Several minutes later, Kagan turned his head towards Saraea and inquired, “How exactly did this happen?”
Saraea looked at the length of rope that bound her hand and foot, then over to Kagan who was similarly bound. “I really don't know,” she said. “I'm still trying to figure out where she got the rope. A few minutes later, she added, “You won't tell anyone about this, will you?”
Kagan made a questioning noise.
“I mean,” she went on. “I have a reputation to consider. Grown men tremble at the mention of my name. Mother's frighten their children with stories of me. Entire armies turn and walk the other way rather than confront me, and yet here I am, overcome and restrained by a single tiny little girl. Centuries of terror and bloodshed could be for naught if this ever got out.”
“My lips are sealed,” Kagan assured her. “But look on the bright side, you may be bound, but at least you're not gagged.”
Some minutes passed before Kagan attempted an apology through his gag. Saraea, unable to make a proper reply, contented herself with making a particularly rude gesture.
More time passed in silence before they were gently jostled by the familiar shudder of the ship entering null-space, and Kagan had fallen asleep by the time the deck shuddered again as the Daedalus made transit back into normal space. It took the gentle prodding of Alice's boot to rouse him.
“We're here,” she informed him. “I'm going to untie you now.”
She easily undid the knots that Kagan had worn himself out just trying to loosen, and extended a hand to help him to his feet, whereupon he fixed her with a dark scowl.
“If you weren't so cute and little, I'd kick your *** up one bulkhead and down the other,” he informed her darkly.
Alice met his gaze for a moment, then shrugged. “You can spank me later, for now we have more important things to do.”
From the floor, Saraea made an angry noise and held out her hands.
“We-ell,” Alice said. “I'm not sure you'd have the same reservations in the *** kicking department. It may be safer to leave you there for now.”
Saraea made a reassuring noise, struggled to her knees and held out her hands again.
“Ok,” Alice agreed after a moment's thought. “But you have to promise.”
Saraea nodded earnestly and sighed with relief as Alice removed the gag and ropes. Saraea stood and gave Alice a short bow, waiting until Alice had turned around before delivering a mighty boot to her posterior. Alice whirled, he face ablaze with fury, but her expression crumpled when she saw the size of the grin on Saraea's face.
“Ok,” she said with a wry smile. “I suppose I had that coming. But now, behold!” She waved an arm towards the main viewer, and Kagan and Saraea crowded around it. The screen showed an artificially enhanced view of what was outside the ship, mainly a thick, swirling nebula. In the distance, an unmistakably artificial structure was slowly revealing itself.
Kagan's brow furrowed as he quietly asked, “What the hell is that?”

[Lord_Shleepy]

narf poit chez BOOM said:
Don't parady to much. Sly humour is much better than in-your-face for parady, otherwise it tends to become a rant session - At least, based on the fanfiction I've read.

This is true of fiction in general, in my experience. I've read a lot of famous parodies (and other social commentaries) and they all started to suck after about 100 pages or so (became too whiny and caustic). Humor lightens it up a lot but it is still a genre that is best kept short. This is, of course, only my own measely opinion.

[Lord_Shleepy]

Hmm....I just realized I left something out...

Excellent story AZ! I love the cliffhanger endings. Still not quite sure where that waking up dead thing came from tho.
Is there going to be an explanation for that? And those "what the hell is that" ships?

[Puke]

no... is it a play on comatose?