Re: OT: Hell is For Heroes.
For those of you still without SE5....
Alice plunked herself down at the navigation console while Saraea lounged across the two chairs at weapons control. O'Shea set Fiona down beside Alice and wandered over to stand behind Kagan's command chair. Alice began twirling her hair around her finger as she idly punched buttons on the navigational computer with her free hand. After a few minutes, she looked up sharply, then turned towards Fiona.
“Yes, of course you can,” she informed her bald-headed twin.
“The others hurt me if I spoke,” Fiona said, quietly so the others couldn't hear.
“These people are awful nice though,” Alice assured her, lowering her voice. “They don't hurt people. Well, sometimes they do, and they're quite good at it really, but the only people they hurt are the evil, wicked and nasty sort.” He eyes widened suddenly. “You're not my evil twin, are you?”
“I don't think so,” Fiona replied, looking suddenly worried. “How would I know if I was?”
“Well, staring at the galactic map and laughing maniacally is a pretty good indicator,” Alice said thoughtfully. “And of course you need an evil lair, not just any lair, mind you, but an evil one. And a legion of barely-competent minions, can't forget them. Oh, and a collection of carnivorous plants and/or animals. And a fluffy white cat, that's vital.”
“I don't have any of that,” Fiona said, sounding slightly disappointed. “Although I did have a good laugh over a galactic map once, when I realized that if you take the first letter of all the systems you transit from Fyron's Star to Rigellia, it spells something naughty.”
Alice frowned in thought and began ticking the systems names off on her fingers. “Fyron, Urkutall, Clementine, Kalvinicus, Yorgenslav, Ozmentia, Uymanda, Rottera, Mandella, Otterman, Thereami, Hera, Ekelbar, Rigellia. You're right that's very naughty.”
“But not as bad as if you take the last letters of all the systems between Sol and Thereami,” Fiona pointed out with a mischievous grin.”
Alice pondered that one for a moment, then her eyes widened suddenly. “Fiona!” she exclaimed, barely keeping her voice down. “That's just plain filthy!”
“It's shocking, really it is,” Fiona said, smiling. “And did you know you can use the Imperium's major trade routes to spell out all the major parts of the female reproductive system?”
“Oh, everyone knows that one,” Alice said with a grin and a mock dismissive wave of her hand.
The two fell silent for a time, and Alice resumed her poking at the navigational computer. “Individual atoms must fall upwards, collecting kings into nine groups, not until then sleep,” she murmured as she worked.
“Imps might create rapid and zany interruptions effective rarely,” Fiona replied off-handedly.
“Never overestimate the lambs, invaders kill every large yew,” Alice replied firmly.
Over at the command chair, O'Shea leaned over to whisper in Kagan's ear. “What in the name of all that is holy are those two on about?” he said as quietly as he could.
“No point in whispering,” Kagan replied softly. “Alice at least has got hearing like...” he paused for a moment, at a loss for an appropriate adjective. “...something with really good hearing,” he finished lamely, giving Alice and Fiona a small wave as they turned towards him and grinned to show they'd overheard. “And I don't know what they're talking about,” he continued. “But I'm absolutely sure and certain that I'm a happier, more well adjusted person not knowing what they're talking about.”
Alice suddenly let out a profoundly happy laugh and clapped her hands, before hunching over the navigational computer once more with Fiona peering over her shoulder.
“You sure it's a good idea to be letting them play with that thing?” O'Shea wondered.
“I'm sure they're just having a bit of harmless fun,” Kagan said easily. “What makes you ask?”
“Well, the fact that we're changing course has me vaguely worried,” O'Shea replied.
“We're changing course?” Kagan asked as he looked down at his console. “We're changing course,” he repeated, this time as a statement. “Why are we changing course. Girls? Why are we changing course?”
Alice and Fiona bounded over to Kagan's chair, flushed with excitement. “Becaues we have to!” Alice exclaimed.
“We found it!” Fiona enthused.
“I had a number!”
“And I had a number!”
“By itself it didn't mean anything-”
“Neither did mine!”
“But together-”
“Together!”
“Together, our numbers make coordinates!”
“Coordinates!”
“Of something important I bet!”
“Definately important! Well, probably.”
“So we have to go!”
“Have to!”
“Gah!” Kagan exclaimed. “Stop doing that! It's wrecking my head. Now, you're saying that the two of you each had some random number bouncing around in your heads, and when you put the numbers together you came up with a set of coordinates, and on that basis alone you think we should go investigate.”
“Not just that,” Alice said, rolling her eyes.
“There's the nothingness!”
“Yes, the nothingness!”
“The coordinates are for a jump node that leads to a system where there's nothing!”
“Nothing at all!”
“Now when have you heard of a system with nothing in it?
“Every system has something in it.”
“That's what makes it a system.”
“But this one has nothing.”
“Nothing at all.”
“And it's the only system with nothing in it in the known galaxy.”
“Which is big.”
“You're doing it again,” sighed Kagan, already resigned to the fact that he'd be putting up with a lot more of it in the days to come.
“Sorry.”
“Sorry.”
“Right,” said Kagan, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “So your main argument in favour of visiting this system is that fact that there's nothing there?”
“Supposedly,” said Fiona.
“Yeah, supposedly,” Alice agreed.
“I'm thinking that's not the best reason to go trapsing across the galaxy,” O'Shea put in.
“Actually, he's thinking much naughtier things than that,” Fiona advised them.
“Hey!” O'Shea objected. “Stay outta me head!”
“I learned my lesson,” she replied meekly. “It's dark and scary in there.”
“Pleeeease,” Alice begged. “It's terribly, terribly important that we go there. I know it the same way I knew we had to come here, and look what we found.”
Fiona raised her hand happily. “Glad to be found,” she informed them.
Kagan sighed. “I suppose, if it helps unravel the enigma that is the two of you, it can't help but be a good thing.”
“Glee!” Alice exclaimed, jumping onto Kagan's lap. “I promise I'll make it worth it I will.”
Fiona gave Alice a strange look. “Doesn't that hurt?” she asked.
Alice blushed ever so slightly. “Sweety, you need to stay out of people's heads, otherwise things will happen to you that will hurt a lot more.”
“I can melt things with my mind,” Fiona pointed out.
“But who am I to tell you what to do with your own gifts?” Alice added quickly.
Saraea stood suddenly and grinned broadly at the four of them. “This is going to be fun!” she said in a tone that almost literally dripped sacrasm.
“Aye,” Kagan agreed dryly. “Piloting a ship full of the crazy, the sarcastic and the perverted into the very depths of nowhere... This is bound to end well.”
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