Advise

Wardad · #1 May 7th, 2003, 01:23 AM

Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done," replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"I did," says the other guy, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Shoot! THAT'S the word!"

Wardad · #2 May 7th, 2003, 07:01 PM

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate.

Remember: Money talks...But Chocolate sings.

Phoenix-D · #3 May 7th, 2003, 08:11 PM

"Remember: Money talks...But Chocolate sings."

Warning! Chocolate can occasionally trigger the "But this will make me look FAT!" response. Or even the dreaded "Do you think I'm fat?" (note there is no proper response to that)

Gwaihir · #4 May 7th, 2003, 10:08 PM

Q: do you think i'm fat?
A: have some chocolate.

hrm, on second thought, maybe not.

Wardad · #5 May 9th, 2003, 01:01 AM

Why parents go gray...

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello."

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"
"Yes,"
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" Asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper,"
Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME."

Kamog · #6 May 9th, 2003, 02:44 AM

speaking of gray hair...

One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had
several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette
hair.
The little girl looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are
some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time you do something wrong and make
me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then
asked, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"

Dingocat85 · #7 May 9th, 2003, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Kamog:
Well, according to the Ladder Theory, it seems that the most important factor for success is to have lots of money (you get placed higher up on her ladder). Therefore, it makes sense to concentrate one's efforts on becoming super rich, and then it should be easier to attract women.

So now the question is, how does one become super rich??

Doesn't the Ladder Theory state that the most important factor is Money/Power? Having Power usually means that you have a high standing in something or other.
So shouldn't the question be, how does one get some sort of high standing?