Advise

[Wardad]

ONE WISH...

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a bottle. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope, sorry three-wish genies are a story-tale myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So...what'll it be?" The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the house cleaning, is great in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for .. a good man."

The Genie let out a long sigh, shook his head and said, "Let me see that freakin' map again."

[Wardad]

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the Last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

[Taera]

this had become a joke thread now? either way, i enjoyed the jokes people, thanks for the morning's laugh

[Wardad]

Well, this thread is supposed to be about relationships and living. So I throw in those type of jokes.

[Taera]

ok sorry, but the jokes are realy good

[Kamog]

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

She will probably tell you that she does, in fact, need it.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

He starts worrying a little bit before that.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

Corollary: there are very few, if any, successful men.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Therefore, there are very few successful women.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

When they ask you, "Are you still single?" respond by saying, "Yes, are you still married?"

[Wardad]

Originally posted by Kamog:

quote:

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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

When they ask you, "Are you still single?" respond by saying, "Yes, are you still married?"

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LOL!