Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Erax]

Let's stop a minute and see where everyone is.

We have the Captain and Scoffo on the Minger Phong and the Minger Scoffo and presumably the Minger Captain on the original Phong. Erax is on the original Phong, but I will also play Minger Erax in the Minger Universe as needed. (play both your characters, get twice the fun the price of one !)

Narf is on the original Phong, about to become a snack for Barry (I don't even want to THINK what Minger Barry looks like).

RD may be attacking either Phong.

Power Man and Taz were on the away team, they are probably in the Minger Universe.

OK, back to the show...

[narf poit chez BOOM]

snack? i don't think so. just as soon as i get back, that t-rex doesn't stand a chance.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

reserved. brain fried.

[Kamog]

The computer is reading a damaged door in cargo bay 2...

Kamog goes down to investigate, his handy roll of Duct Tape in hand. ...Hey, what's that tyrannasaurus rex doing in the cargo bay?? No problem, take this! - uh, oh, where's my hand phaser? (Checks his utility belt - no luck.)

Kamog goes to the control panel on the wall and touches some buttons. The huge cargo bay door starts to open, and there's a sudden rush of air blowing out into space. Some cargo containers fly out into open space, and the T-rex is sucked against the opening. Kamog grabs Commander Narf and quickly pulls him out of the Cargo Bay.

[Taz-in-Space]

Taz/Guinen in Ten Forward has noticed something is different since he came back to the ship - for one thing almost nobody is ordering any alcoholic drinks!
However trade is Brisk on tea. Same goes for lemonade and Sarsaparilla. And (horrors) is that coffee being served to Ensign Starbuck?

Another funny thing is all those goatees everybody has on. Even a few of the women are sporting them.
And somebody just asked ME why I shaved mine off!
A goatee on a TAZ??

Taz decides to wait a little and see what else might be a 'little funny!'

[Growltigger]

Back on the real TSSS Phong's Head, the bridge is silent as they gave at the viewscreen showing the scrappy Deadstar warships...

The doors to the captain's ready room open and minging Captain Jean Luc Le Pouffe Celebre sidles out onto the bridge, wearing a ginger goatee beard, an all in one lycra shipsuit, earrings and clutching, for some strange reason, a bunch of daffodils..

"ooooh, dont shoot at us again you nasty man" says the fey mincing ladyboy, "we are leaving deadstar space right away, Mr Helmsman, ooh your nice, come to my briefing room later, I mean, set course for starbase 5, warp 3 (I dont like going any faster, it ruffles my nasal hairs), engage"

The TSSS Phong's Head performs a nippy looking U turn, engine nacelles fire up and it zips off into the stars, leaving Fart Point to the mercy of the Deadstar Continuumumumum....

Back on the TSSS Ginger Minger, the real Captain Growltigga is having a bit of a mare, he cannot find a single drop of booze on the damn ship, and to make things worse, when he asked the pretty young engineering ensign with the large zero gravity ghazoobas to come to the reasy room, the poor ginger moron freaked out and feinted.. "Damn" thins the Captain, "this ship is meant to be the party capital of the galaxy, as well as the meanest starship to boot, something strange is going on, there must have been a transporter error which beamed us into another dimension where everybody is a tee total ginger bearded pacifist, I must get engineering sorted out"

Captain to the non-ginger Versions of Commander Dogscoff, Mr Power Man and Guinan/Taz - please report to my ready room, please bring your phaser pistols, some pLastic explosive and a baseball bat with a few 6 inch nails banged through it

PS Note to Kamog, when I get back to the real dimension, you are going to get royally whipped, abused and demoted - NOBODY and I MEAN NOBODY spaces Barry the T Rex.

Are you not aware that Barry is our head of security aboard the Phong's Head, but because he weighs 12 tons and is 60 foot long, he has to live in the cargo bay???!!!! Narf is a rodent like alien invader and should therefore be phasered on sight, not invited on board, rescued and promoted to "Commander"!! ooohh, are you going to get the worst I can think of!

[ May 16, 2003, 08:40: Message edited by: growltigger ]

[dogscoff]

The real dogscoff reports to the transporter room for a debriefing from the Captain. As 'Tig explains the parallel universe situation, 'scoff comes to an interesting conclusion...

"So there is a parallel universe where everyone I know exists, but has a beard and a totally different personality.
I wonder what other universes are out there, waiting to be discovered?"

Dogscoff looks at the transporter.

"Somewhere, there must be a universe where entire planets are made of beer. And one where I am undisputed Emporer of the Galaxy. And one where the only item of female attire permissible is a thin, virtually transparent coating of strawberry jam..."

Dogscoff immediately begins adjusting various switches and sliders, re-configuring the transporter for inter-dimensional travel.

[ May 16, 2003, 09:48: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

[Growltigger]

Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat, actually terrified for once at what Commander Dogscoff's inept fumblings may do, pulls out his trusty phaser, sets it to "max sting" and shoots Commander Dogscoff in the buttocks...

"Stop that you idiot" shouts the burly heroic captain "we want to get back to our proper dimension, not fumble round other dimensions which could we worse than this one.. given the appalling gingerness and minginess of the crew of this ship, imagine what our useless counterparts are getting up on the Phong's Head! by god, they could be running away from Deadstar ponces, abusing each other and banning alcohol on the ship! get a grip man, we have to return but if it makes you feel better, I shall see what can be done about enforcing a "thin layer of strawberry jam" only uniform on board (for the girls only I stress), Taz, you are the only sensible one on this away team, double check the transporter and let us beam ourselves bacvk to where we belong"

[Erax]

Minger Erax wanders into the transporter room just as Taz and the Captain are about to start readjusting the controls and nearly spills his banana-flavored hot chocolate.

"Oooh sorry Captain, I didn't know you were in here, you nearly killed me."

He then notices what the two of them are up to.

"Let me do that, please, it took ages for me to set up a pretty personalized desktop on the transporter panel, with cute animals and everything. Now what was it that you wanted ?"

[Gryphin]

:: Looks down at my cleavage ::
I would like to get back to my former dimensions too.
Doc, that is enough "testing" of my Chest. Go malest one of the nurses.