Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Katchoo]

Originally posted by Power Man:
Captain , one of our "Kitten class" shuttles is gone from shuttle bay 3.
I have found it on our long range scanners. It is heading to the Pink Triangle Nebula.
I can not tell who is aboard it at this range.

This may be were the minger-captain and Mr S'Katchoo went.

Permission to pursue and capture Captain ??

Meanwhile, aboard said Shuttle, Science Officer S'Katchoo claps his hands gleefully as the Minger Ginger Captain dances about, performing some of the best Cabaret Mr. S'Katchoo has ever seen!

Suddenly, the lights darken and a disco ball drops from the ceiling. Just as the rear-compartment door slides open, 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees starts playing. Standing up, Mr S'Katchoo joins the Minger Ginger Captain on the dance floor, just as the John Travolta clones from the Disco Universe come out and start dancing.

The view shifts to the exterior of the Shuttle, where we get to see it begin to rock lightly from side to side.

The bumber sticker "If this Shuttle's a rockin', don't come a knockin'" can be clearly seen on the rear bumper...

[Ragnarok]

Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat is sitting in his Captains chair day dreaming about his "expieriences" of the day when suddenly across the big screen TV viewer comes a video of RD secretly getting to know Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat's female crew a bit "better". RD is trying them all out for size. The look on Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat's face says it all; absolute disgust with RD - the leader of the Deadstar Continuum. Then the video cuts out and the face of an dark evil looking figure comes onto the screen - with an eye patch. "Arrr," begins the dark figure, with a growl in his voice he continues, "I see you have a stearrring wheel hanging from your pants Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat, it much be drivein you nuts, Arrr." The figure begins to laugh in classic Dr. Evil fashion at what he finds as funny but in reality no one is laughing and he looks like a complete idiot. "Ahem," he begins again, "I have heard that this Raging Deadstar has been telling you that I am an evil pirate that you need to watch out for; and while this is true to an extent, I am working for a secret organization found withen your Federation. So if you chase me you will indeed be investigated and sought out for destruction by my organization. I suggest you go after that evil RD who is mingling with your crew a bit more then a non-aggression treaty would stipulate." As the screen begins to flicker out this evil figure snaps his fingers and Captain Jean Luc le Grand Chat's clothes are suddenly gone. "Just something I learned from this person named Q a couple weeks ago. That fellow is a funny one I tell you."

[Raging Deadstar]

*Raging Deadstar laughs hysterically at the look on Growltiggers face as he gets dressed and sends the Federation crew back to their shuttle, complimenting the one tigga's had his eye on for a few months. Hehehe a good jiggle around and a few moaning noises fools everyone. He pays the leaving females some cash out of sympathy, i mean do you know what a cats reproductive organs do!! (If anyone's read Red Dwarf The novel BackWards you'll understand) He happily gets dressed and watches the video and laughs again at Jean Luc Le Grand Chats face as Ragnarok totally humiliates him. The grand Goddess steps down from her throne as he leaves and smiles, and kisses him. Deadstar has performed for her well. He prepares the shipment of Clones for Ragnarok and dispatches the ship, with this uneasy peace it was nice to have an ally to fight alongside if war came. The disgraced Talena Atfield saunters in ashamed of her actions, perhaps her failure and accepting a non aggression treaty could work to their advantage. The Clone is sent to a disinfectant after being "tarnished" and it's memory wiped, we certainly don't need GT's lack of sexual prowess making them think thats the standard for men in the universe. You know what they say about cats, no good in bed as they always land on their feet! *

[Kamog]

After escaping from the FBW, Kamog finally makes it down to the cargo deck by crawling through the ventilation ducts.

"Before I report to Cargo Bay 1, I better shave this beard off. I heard that there's a general order banning all beards now... Uh, oh, I don't have my razor with me."

Walking down the hall, Kamog sees a phaser pistol in a recharging holster on the wall.
"OK, I can use this to zap my beard, and it will be fine..."

Kamog sets the phaser to "disintegrate", holds the end beside his chin, and presses the "fire" button. VZZZZTTT! The goatee is instantly atomized into a fine vapor. Suddenly, there's a loud hissing sound to the left. The bLast has hit a plasma conduit, and super hot plasma is leaking out. Electrical arcs are crackling all over the wall, and tons of toxic steam is gushing out. Immediately, sirens go off and red lights come on.

Computer: "Emergency. Plasma leak on deck 20. Closing bulkhead doors..."
Kamog: "Uh, oh, that's not good..."

Kamog runs into Cargo Bay 1, as the bLast doors slam down to either side of the hallway. Inside the Cargo bay, there's a crowd of Jawas covered in balognese sauce, and Barry the T-rex viciously mauling at a couple of them. The instant Barry sees Kamog, Barry drops the Jawas and starts running straight for Kamog, stepping on a few other Jawas in the process.

Kamog runs out the Cargo bay, but he is trapped. The hallway is sealed on both sides. In desperation, he ducks behind a couple of panicking Jawas, and holds up his bottle of Hollandaise sauce. Barry comes bursting through the door.

Suddenly, there's a shimmer of light and Kamog, along with two jawas, are transported out!

"Hey, what's going on? Why am I in the brig?" The two jawas, covered in balognese sauce, muddle around the cell in confusion.

"Someone, please let us out..."

[dogscoff]

Let's leave him iin there and see how hungry he has to get before he resorts to Jawa-licking

[Growltigger]

Hmmmm... the sad news for Raging Deadstar is that a fair majority of the female proportion of the TSSS Phong's Head crew have caught a variety of nasty and unpleasant sexually transmitted diseases.

I think they caught these off Kamog and Dogscoff and as our trusty doctor seems to have gone AWOL, they cannot be cured yet.

Ragnarok, I am a bit confused where you are doing your evil gloating from? you are not on board, you dont have the power to beam images of yourself halfway across the galaxy, you cannot be in a cloaked ship cos we would blow that from space as soon as we saw it, you are not Q so don't have the power to remove my clothing and strangley, you seem to be suffering from awful hallucinations.....

Barry licking Jawa-Bolognese concoctions, Kamog cowering and covered in hollandaise sauce, ooh this is fun...

Captain Growltigga signing out, to infinity and beyond!

[Raging Deadstar]

Originally posted by Raging Deadstar:
*Raging Deadstar laughs hysterically at the look on Growltiggers face as he gets dressed and sends the Federation crew back to their shuttle, complimenting the one tigga's had his eye on for a few months. Hehehe a good jiggle around and a few moaning noises fools everyone.*

Look above GT, If you misunderstood i NEVER had sex with your crew! hehehe think i would have sex with any of your crew GT? Not likely after you've had them all and when i have an empire of Attractive gothic girls waiting back home for me to look at, Anyway the only person i'm having fun with is my Goddess, ruler of the Deadstar Continuum, i'm just the puppet ruler!

*Raging Deadstar laughs evily as he watches the CCTV Of the ship and smiles as he sees Power Man getting it on with tigga's favourite 10 Forward waitress/love toy, the one who apparently has an exotic STD. RD looks away as he heres Power Man screaming as gigantic ballon sized green warts start inflating from his love pump and as he runs with a towel barely disguising the situation he reaches Dr Geoschmo Med lab. There on the computer screen is a message...*

"DR Geoschmo is out. If you're a red shirt ensign with a phaser wound to the toe please report to Cargo Bay 1 with a sauce of your choice for a celebratory "Buffet" hosted by our very Own Barry!

If you are Seriously injured i suggest you remmeber that i'm currently "indisposed" helping a FBW Recover from "exhaustion" due to the Captains frivelous activities! They're so much easier to Molest when they're tired....*evil grin face* Still here, Dammit I'm a Doctor not a babysitter for incapable Crewmembers!"

[Power Man]

Fortunately Power Man knows were the Doc keeps the "Sticky Wicket" brand penicillin (you know the one that says "Its Good For What Ails You").

He grabs a good "Dose" of the pills.

He also takes a tube of Preparation STD ointment (also available in giant suppositories).
Returning to his cabin with his cure well "in Hand", he vows to be a "Good Boy". "Next time I'll see a Fuzzy Bunny Dealer from my Card Room. I know they always play with a "clean deck."

[Growltigger]

Captain Growltigga has started an interesting business sideline. Thanks to the internal scanner in the PVC and black leather lined Captain's Ready Room, Kapitan Jean Luc Le Mucho Grande Calientes Saucisson Le Chat is raking it in selling DVD's of his, ahem, intimate liaisons to discerning connossieurs in the galaxy!

The room is available for hire should anyone in the crew wish to avail themselves of this facility

[Growltigger]

hee hee, note that in a fit of Bar Trek-esque related insanity, I have changed my handle to the great captain himself!