Ye Olde Phong's Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth - Page 29

Growltigger · #**281** October 25th, 2003, 03:04 PM

Of course something can be done. I wouldn't be that incarnation of all that it is clever, expensive, evil and cunning if I wasn't a lawyer!

Watch this space, lock your refrigerators, hide your valuables and put your girlfriends in chastity belts

Erax · #**282** October 25th, 2003, 07:18 PM

... Erax hides in the former Cantina's basement, hoping everyone (but especially the Boss) has forgotten about him...

minipol · #**283** October 25th, 2003, 11:44 PM

Talking about "Da Boss" Erax, did he already pay you the wages from that Last 3 months that he still owes you?

Growltigger · #**284** October 27th, 2003, 11:18 AM

Hmmm, Erax hiding in the basement? maybe I can relaunch the cantina as an opportunity for rich businessmen to hunt people a la that awful Jean Claude Van Damme movie set in New Orleans..

I can see it now, discrete marketing to wealthy executives and professionals, bring your own rifle, and have the opportunity to hunt your very own Brazilian..

Gosh, the phone has not stopped ringing. "Yes Mr Gates, we can guarantee a great chase with old Erax in the basement, What's that? you want to use a high powered harpoon gun, and you want his wedding tackle preserved to hang on the wall of Microsoft House as a trophy? Not a problem for a small fee!"

Cheers Erax, I beleive you will rebuild my fortunes. Now if only we can clone you a few times for the head of General Motors

Erax · #**285** October 27th, 2003, 11:35 AM

Oops, I've been discovered ! Me and my big mouth.

Erax leaves a cardboard cutout of himself in the basement to fool Mr. Gates (can't be that hard) and attempts to leave via one of the Cantina's less known exits, wearing a Groucho Marx disguise.

Growltigger · #**286** October 27th, 2003, 04:26 PM

and the poor Brazilian walks straight into the rather rich bunch of rednecks who have paid a fortune to Growltigga to get to suit any latin american with facial hair...

Erax, you dont get to leave the cantina. All exits are watched and these clients of mine have paid an awful lot of money to get the right to cause you suffering and to stick your head on a wall!

Erax · #**287** October 28th, 2003, 10:46 AM

"LOOK !! IT'S ELVIS !!"

As the rednecks look behind them, Erax ducks back into the Cantina and starts building his defenses. The Cantina's innards are a maze of tunnels, fully explored by none, crammed with weird alien gadgets which have accumulated down there over time.

Send 'em in, Boss. Don't worry, you'll get your money, I won't hurt them.

Growltigger · #**288** October 28th, 2003, 11:54 AM

Erax, half of the cash they are paying me is based on a success fee. I therefore need to you to get bLasted into atoms to get that fee, but do me a favour and keep your head out of the firing line, as the lads want trophies and I get a further fee if your head is unscathed.

oh, and by the way, can you dress up as Ronaldo as some of the French businessmen are paying extra to shoot a Brazilian football player.

Erax · #**289** October 28th, 2003, 01:05 PM

Sadly, I do not look one bit like Ronaldo or any other Brazilian football player. And I played (back when I did play) as a goalie.

Don't worry about the success fees Boss, some of your clients will definitely think they got me.

Edit : Why would the French want to shoot Brazilian football players ? They beat us in 1998 and now have the right to mock us. I think the English and Germans would be more likely candidates.

[ October 28, 2003, 11:11: Message edited by: Erax ]

Growltigger · #**290** October 28th, 2003, 01:38 PM

The French just want to shoot everybody, and yes, Helmut Kohl has offered a hefty fee is he gets to smear you in German mustard, stuff all your orifices with sauerkraut and then get to beat you to death with a bratwurst, but I have directed him to speak to Mephisto on this as I think it is a bit weird!

As for the English, yes, all I will say is that I have a large shotgun loaded with szechuan pepper ready to be fired at you if all else fails.

By the way, a large contingent of Turks have also offerred hard cash to bLast you out of existence!