WALLY WORLD Employment Application

[Atrocities]

After my most recent trip to the mighty Wally World, (Not the actual name of the store) I have come to the firm and unshakeable conclusion that some stores are a magnate for low life, trailer living, dirt floor loving, goat ropen, buck tooth, fight looking, dumbasses of the world, but they also employ them.

Which prompted me to want to apply for work there. Below is a copy of the Wally World Employment Application.

WALLY WORLD EMPLOYMENT APPLICATION
Version 2.0 (Thats is your nose picking finger and "the finger" finger for those of you who caint count.)

If you can read this, then theres no point in continuing.

Note: Assuming you can read and write, please fill out the application as completely as you can.


WELCOME
We here at the Wally World believe in keeping things simple. Fill out this here application, sign it, and y’all is hired.

NOTE: High School, college or university graduates or GED holders need NOT APPLY.

Last name: ________________
First name: (Check appropriate box)
[_] Billy-Bob [_] Bobby-Sue [_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo [_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann [_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee [_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen [_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue [_] Jessie James [_] Billy-Joe-Bob [_] Billy-Beth

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Former or Current Occupations (mark all that apply):
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic [_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress [_] Un-employed [_] Dirty Politician [_]Kmart Employee [_] Goat Roper [_] Bull Rider [_] Prison Guard [_] Inmate

Education: 1 2 3 4 None (Circle highest grade completed)

In Case Of Emergency Contact: (Please note that 911 does not count.)
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: __________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse: [_] Sister [_] Aunt [_] Brother [_] Uncle [_] Mother [_] Son [_] Father [_] Daughter [_] Cousin [_] Pet [_]All of the above

Personal Information:
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________(If not sure, leave blank)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ Truck
____ Kitchen
____ Bedroom
____ Bathroom
____ Shed
____ At work
____ On you

Do you have a gun rack? [_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Have you ever been on: (Mark all that apply)
[_] Geroldo
[_] Jerry Springer
[_] Cops
[_] America's Most Wanted
[_] UFO Abductions Report
[_] Dr. Phil
[_] All of the Above
[_] Other (Please Explain

Have you ever been arrested for the any of the following: (Mark all that apply.}
[_] Drunk In Public
[_] Driving at night with your lights off while hanging out the windown with a deer rifle.
[_] Having sex with animals
[_] Having sex with animals while being drunk in public
[_] Shooting up road signs
[_] You don't remember, you just woke up in jail.
[_] All of the above.


Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer
[_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide
[_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
[_] Lov’in Your Relatives
[_] Hooters

_______________ Number of times you've seen a UFO
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis
_______________ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by a UFO
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by Elivs
_______________ Number of times you have been abducted by Elivs after seeing a UFO
_______________ Number of blurry pictures you took of UFO
_______________ Number of family members who are aliens

Are you an alien? Yes or No

How often do you bathe: [_] Weekly [_] Monthly [_] Not Applicable

How many teeth? ___ Color of teeth: [_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow [_] Brown [_] Black [_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:______________________

How far is your home from a paved road? [_] 1 mile [_] 2 miles [_] don't know

What languages can you speak?
[_] Hill Billy
[_] Red Neck
[_] Hill Billy Red Neck
[_] Ridge Runner
[_] Buck Tooth Coal Miner
[_] Southern French Hill Billy
[_] Eing-go-leash
[_] Other (Please Specify)_________________________

Why do you want to work for the Wal-Mart?
[_] To pick up chicks
[_] To get a discount on bullets
[_] To eat at McDonalds
[_] To steal stuff
[_] All Of The Above
[_] I don’t know

If a customer comes up to you and asks you where something is, what do you tell them? (Circle which applies) Correct answers qualifies you for the Management Program.
A. Duh I don’t know
B. Tell them to leave you alone
C. Give them a dirty look and go for your gun
D. Shoot them
E. Spit a gob of chew at their feet
F. Give them precise instruction: “Y’all wanna head down this here’n isle until you all come to the gun rack, then make a right and go do south until you comes to the fish’ in poles. Turn north on isle 11 just past the tackle boxes and head on up until you comes to the big cross isles. You can’t miss it, cause its right there in the middle.
D. All of the Above.


Put Your Name here:_________________________________
(If you cannot spell your name, mark with an "X"

Wally World employees get a 10% discount on Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, T-shirts, boots, Pork Riegns, Chilly Beams, Ammo, fishing stuff, and cinder blocks.

[Kamog]

I wish there were a Wal-Mart near where I live; the closest one is about an hour's drive away. They have a large variety of goods at reasonable prices. I heard they were proposing to build a Wal-Mart at another location that's closer a couple of years ago, but the local small store owners protested so they couldn't go ahead.

[Atrocities]

Wal-Mart is one of those companies that makes its own customers by putting the companies that once employeed the people that now must shop at wal-mart out of business. They are a self feeding parasite of a company and should be broken up by monopoly laws before they bankrupt America.

[Evil_Duckie]

A good friend of mine used to work for Wal-Mart (corporate HQ) and she told me that if Wal-Mart would be a country, it'd be something like the 12th richest in the world.

Kinda makes you wonder...

[Caduceus]

There was a MSN special on WalMart a few weeks ago which was interesting. WM (amongst other vendors, pharmaceutical companies, etc) rake in the dough. When Sam Walton was still alive, many of the products were made in the US. Since his departure (and death) they have started stocking "cheaper" imported goods. This of course is good for the bottom line and in fact they are expanding into different countries at an alarming rate. I don't know where I'm going with this message aside from the fact that consumers in the US like being able to stop one place, getting a DVD, buying dinner and getting detergent. I'm not sure what can be done to reverse the invasion of WalMart into small-town economies nationwide. Even in the small town in which we live, we have a WalMart. County population in 30 000. City population, 3000.

[Atrocities]

I also watched the Frontline episode, which the MSN special based its report on, "Is Wal-Mart Bad For America" and I would have to say yes yes it is.

[Azselendor]

Vermont, if memory serves, has been able to hold wal amrt largely at bay by requiring it to only open new stores in existings buildings to "Preserve Historical Integrity".

Then in parts of northern california, people have been voting down wal mart supercenters for years despite the company's best efforts.

I know where I live, walMart is buy up swaths of land in walking distance from my house is preparation to build a supercenter and then a distribution facility nearby.

[Phoenix-D]

What bugs me a lot about Wal Mart is the number of people that complain about it..then continue to shop there.

Hello? Have some @%! principles, please? Its not that much more expensive elsewhere.

[Atrocities]

Well you cannot always shop where you want. In my case WalMart had what I needed and none of the other stores did. I will complain about what ever I want, and still shop there because if I do not shop there, then I will have nothing to complain about..... Speaking of complaining, any one here own a Ford?

[The_Tauren13]

lmfao... did you write that up yourself or get it somewhere?
Any objections to me sending it to friends and wal-mart employees the world over?