Totally off topic... don;t know why I am posting this.

[Tuidjy]

I was sitting under a tree, eating my lunch, when
some ragged warrior dragged his frazzled carcass
much too close, and started rambling:


'There is no nobility in battle anymore. Gone are
the days of honest, fair knights. I get defeated
every single time I fight, usually by that cheating,
cheap, wanna-be knight Foobarus! The bastard would
not know chivalry if it bit his unarmoured ***.

He never stands his ground! Every time I take a
swing at him with my maul, he backs off or dodges
aside! The man is a coward, I tell you. A wimp,
too! He is obviously too weak to wear any armour,
it's a wonder he can lift his stupid rapier.

A rapier I tell you, what kind of man uses a weapon
that any damsel could swing around! And he is not
even properly swinging it 'round either - he lunges!

My maul is much too heavy to parry a thrusting blow!
Attacks are supposed to come from the side, so you
can interpose the haft, right? A blow coming
straight at you is simply not right! And on top of
that, the rapier goes through my chainmail's links
as if I were naked as a bird... What am I supposed
to do? Get a platemail?

Do you think you are man enough to swing a maul as
heavy as mine while wearing a full plate? I am the
strongest man I have ever heard of, and even I would
get too tired doing so! And these platemails get so
hot! In any case they offer too much protection.
Where is the skill in using something like this?
You will never see me in plate, no Sir!

But hey, I am open minded! If people want to use
platemail, let them! My maul doesn't care! See how
much good that tin can does them when twenty pounds
hit them from the side! Down they go! Muahaha!
At least they go down like men, in a honest fight...

Not like that cheater Foobarus. All he knows is
saunter around. We should force him to wear armour,
and then weight his damn pig-sticker down. And give
him a shield, for God's sake! A knight either
fights with a huge two-hander, or with a one-handed
weapon and a shield. Everyone knows that! If it
were up to me to make the tournament rules, we would
have some real fun, around here...'


Well, by that time my appetite was gone, and he did
not seem any close to winding down. So I walked
away after gaving him what was left of my cheese...
somehow it seemed appropriate.

For all I know, he is still at it.