Your Empire Is Going To War When:

Atrocities · #1 December 26th, 2004, 12:36 AM

1. You have nothing better to do and you have a lot of ships.
2. You receive this message: "Your ambassador made a most tasty snack."
3. Your brother was the ambassador.
4. While on a routine exploratory expedition, your ships are attacked without warning when you open your gun ports and target the newly discovered alien space ship heading your way.
5. You say we "Come in Peace." then forget to turn off the COM channel, and then say, "those idiots won't know what hit them. Arm the weapons."
6. Your gift to the leader of EEE explodes killing his family.
7. The gift you receive from the Xiati explode killing your family.
8. You just became a mega evil empire.
9. Your new colony planet is glassed into oblivion on Christmas day by the Rage.
10. Your communication minister gets drunk and "as a joke" sends a declaration of war to the Phong, then Ted Kennedy tried to drive him home.

(edit: spelling errors)

ironman · #2 December 26th, 2004, 12:44 AM

11. When your a born Redneck [img]/threads/images/Graemlins/icon19.gif[/img]

narf poit chez BOOM · #3 December 26th, 2004, 01:17 AM

When you insult people with 500% more weapons that you.

Atrocities · #4 December 26th, 2004, 01:36 AM

Quote:

narf poit chez BOOM said:
When you insult people with 500% more weapons that you.

12.

If you look up and see this.

Escaflowne · #5 December 26th, 2004, 04:10 PM

13. The race you just discovered defile your religions holy places.
14. An other empire claims your religious talisman is "A curious looking toy."
15. You ally with the two strongest factions and get them to waste their time and attention on each other, allowing you to send fleets into all of their systems and cripple them both in one turn.
16. Another races chemical emissions are threatening your homeworld's environment.
17. You have been deposed in a coup and the government upsurped by the military.
18. You require more 'labensruam' (living room).
19. The other race is so ugly you kill them to preserve your sanity.
20. The other race is so stupid it's not war, it's 'clorinating the gene pool'.
21. Public opinion demands it.
22. They insult your ancestors, honor demands it.
23. You have a 'Manifest Destiny'.

Atrocities · #6 December 26th, 2004, 09:33 PM

Good ones.

Starhawk · #7 December 26th, 2004, 09:54 PM

24. Your Icaran and you just met a Xeno (read my story to understand), afterall they aren't human are they? and humans should rule the galaxy.

25. Your Icaran and you just met someone weaker then you and you have to fulfill your duty of Protecting other humans since obviously their military couldn't or you wouldn't have been able to destroy them.

26. The alien ambassador eats your mother

27. Your father eats the alien ambassador

28. Your first contact with an alien race led to you anal probing one of their "hicks".

29. You find out the other race has anal probes and decide it's so gross that you just have to kill them.

30. The alien race' leader is your ex-girlfriend and when her fleet attacks one of your planets you send a message asking why she did it and she replies "Ohh I think you know why."

31. You have an ex-girlfriend who is the ruler of an alien race.

Nodachi · #8 December 26th, 2004, 10:03 PM

32. Your empire is fictious but features prominently in a scifi movie.

Captain Kwok · #9 December 26th, 2004, 11:16 PM

33. The sum of all your ships, resources, colonies, and other factors like your research capacity has exceeded 500,000 - while the sum of the next largest race in your galaxy is 1.7 times less or 2.5 times if your empire is controlled by a retarded AI computer.

Strategia_In_Ultima · #10 March 31st, 2005, 07:59 AM

70. You are in a game with Growltigger, Woundwort, Deathstar, AgentZero, Angel, Puke and Renegade, and you send a message to everyone saying "Bar and Grills Totally Suck!"