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  #1  
Old November 26th, 2004, 08:46 PM
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David E. Gervais David E. Gervais is offline
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Default OT: Should I transcribe this old story of mine?

Hi all, I have this old stroy I wrote way back in 1980 and was wondering if it would be of interest if I transcribed the hardcopy and brought it up to date and made it fit within the SE universe. Here's the beginning of the first chapter to give you an idea of how it all starts..


CHAPTER I: Race With The Amon-Krie


The fully armed carrier came up from behind the great curve
of Avni and dropped into a low orbit around the fourth moon. For
a few moments no movement came from the huge ship except for brief
bursts from the steering jets and breaking thrusters; then, a hatch
on it's underside opened and a small cloud of fighters dived out.
Thirty or so fighters and about a half dozen escorts flew in precise
formation as they pulled away from the carrier. Two by two, the
fighters broke formation and cut through the atmosphere.
In the depths of the stone fortress that was their destination,
General Odon watched the incoming ships on a wall-sized viewscreen
at one end of the small briefing room. His expression was that of
a man given a moment of satisfaction in the course of a long series
of troubles. It was good that the fighter reinforcements had come
so quickly; since that fatefull battle with the Amon'Krie invasion,
only a few hours before. The Avni Four base had only a handful
of escorts and fighters on hand. It was true that they had other
means of defence, ranging from troops to planetary defence cannons,
but the fighters were still the key element of their battle force.
And soon, perhaps very soon, they might need all the help they could
get.
Odon snapped over a switch on his little computer consol and
the screen went blank. He turned to the only other person in the
room, General Kyeen, his direct subordinate. The young man was
examining a small screen built into his own computer console,
studying words and numbers that Odon could not see from his chair,
But the meaning of which he could easily guess. He waited patiently
until Kyeen had finished his analysis and turned his eyes to him.
"Still nothing on the decipherment?" he asked.
Kyeen shook his head. "Not a thing. Apart from the fact that
they are Grey-Code Messages the computers are completely blank."
Odon nodded wordlessly. Two hours earlier, a Terran
communications intercept post secretly located near the Amon-Krie
Comand Centre on Hydron Seven had picked up a signal comming from
the Tolan system. It was recorded and, by careful rerouting through
a remote outpost far from Hydron, had been sent to Avni Four. Fifty
minutes later, the answer from the Command Centre was also recorded
and passed on to Avni. Both Messages had been in an unusually complex
code never before seen by the Terrans.
The cryptographers immediately suspected that the Messages to
be in a Grey-Code - a special code used for only the highest-priority,
top-secret Messages. To the Terran's knowledge, the Amon-Krie had
used such a code only once before, and that message, after months
of analysis, still defied decipherment. There was little doubt in
the two generals' minds that this new coded communication meant
trouble for the Terrans, comming as it did so soon after the battle
above Avni Four.

I'll probably transcribe it anyway, but I'd like your opinions on this small sample..

Cheers!
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  #2  
Old November 27th, 2004, 05:26 PM
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Default Re: OT: Should I transcribe this old story of mine

Definately shows promise. I for one would be quite interested in seeing the rest of it.
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Old November 28th, 2004, 04:38 PM

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Default Re: OT: Should I transcribe this old story of mine

Quote:
Hi all, I have this old stroy I wrote way back in 1980 and was wondering if it would be of interest if I transcribed the hardcopy and brought it up to date and made it fit within the SE universe. Here's the beginning of the first chapter to give you an idea of how it all starts..

Was SE really around that far back?!?!? I wasn't even around then!!!
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Old November 28th, 2004, 11:06 PM
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David E. Gervais David E. Gervais is offline
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Default Re: OT: Should I transcribe this old story of mine

SE did not exist in 1980, I said.."Bring my story up to date and make it 'Fit' the SE universe. FYI, the original story is based on Star Wars. It takes place between Episode 4 and 5.

Nuf said, Cheers!
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Old November 28th, 2004, 11:07 PM
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Default Re: OT: Should I transcribe this old story of mine

I tend to agree, it does show promise and reads well.
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