You Might Be A Fat Emperor If:

[Atrocities]

You Might Be A Fat *** Emperor If:

1. You out weigh your own battleship.
2. You need rocket boosters to get from a seated to standing position.
3. Your belt size is measured as Equator.
4. Your people are nothing more than food stock
5. The Last time you were in space, someone tried to colonize you.
6. The sun orbits YOU.
7. You have sixty planets producing food, and thats just for breakfast.
8. You need to use anti-gravity sleds to move about.
9. When you boarded your orbiting Battleship, it nearly crashed into the planet.
10. If you have ever gone to war against McDonalds Consortium for making you fat.

[Gandalf Parker]

[sarcasm on]
HEY kiss my afterburners. I can be a Fat Emperor if I want. Because I AM THE EMPEROR! Let the rest eat cake.

Ruling an empire is very fattening because you get everyone else to do your exercising. What? you expect me to whip my own subjects?!?
[/sarcasm]

[jfp3]

...part of your morning routine is clearing the previous nights dinner plates and snack wrappers off your computer desk before opening SEIV for the next turn (started the night before over a bowl of steaming pasta....)

[jfp3]

...Any and all contacts with an Organic Race makes you wonder what surprises await in the fridge...

[dogscoff]

... you can check you construction queues, put ships on sentry, transfer cargo, launch/recover units and cargo remotely but not much else because your belly covers the bottom half of the keyboard and your mouse.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Your equivalent of the Mir space station landed on your belly and has just zoomed past Pioneer 10.

You can't attend the celebratory opening of your first Sphereworld because you'd crush everyone to death inside.

A ship enters a freak warp point and comes out your ***.

Your mouth can suck up more than a Black Hole.

Your farts are Nebulas.

Someone fired a CSM at you and it's still stuck in one of your pores.

Your burps are more effective than Level 5 Plague Bombs.

Your breakfast cereal consists of Ringworlds and you still want another helping.

You are your own home world.

You generate more gravity than a black hole.

Those tiny specks that always circle around you are your own Galaxy.

Somebody held a lighter underneath you when you farted and you suddenly find you've launched yourself into another dimension.

You eat 100 Pizza Hawaiis for breakfast --- and the pineapple rings are Ringworlds.

You sneeze and all systems, planets, anomalies, ships, bases, etc. within 5000 light years in front of you were launched into the Greater Magellanic Cloud.

You measure the circumference of your hip with a warp point spanning from one end of the Galaxy to another and still it's too short.

[Atrocities]

By the time your done eating dinner, its breakfast time.
The Last time you went out into public, wearing yellow, people attempted to hail you.
Your flag ships name is the ISF Twinky Monster.
If ISF stands for I'm So Fat.
If your food bill is higher than your annual military, colonization, ship maintenance, and power bills.
If the Last time you bathed in the ocean, you turned it into a sea of death.
If the Last time you jumped, they had to use six dreadnought to pull you free of the crator you created.
If your shoe size just happens to be the same demensions as one of your large heavy destroyers.
If you are considered the National Strategic Oil Reserve. (Think about that one.)
The Last time you got to close to the sun, you began to smell bacon cooking.
The Last time you went to Risa, the inhabitants tried to push you back into the water.......
You national anthom is the McDonalds theme
Your national Emblem is a donut
You have survived the Last sixty attempts on your life because the bullet could not penatrate your fat.
Your fat is also your armor. See above
That stretch mark on your belly is also called the Grand Cannon, complete with its own tourist industry.
You have ever had to use a Quantum Graviton Beam on your belly button.
You have ever had to use a Quantum Graviton Beam on your mouth.
Your people refer to you as, and I quote: "Emperor Black hole."
You were sucked into a black hole and plugged it.
Your toilet is a black hole.
By using a black hole as a toilet, you plugged it.

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

The Universe's largest oranic intelligent supercomputer evolved in one of your pores.

Your barbecues won't even be lit without 100,000 Harkonnen Flame Tanks. (Emperor: Battle for Dune)

Your teeth will chew up Sphereworlds.

Your first Sphereworld is still lost - your scientists presume it's stuck between your teeth and you hane't noticed.

Your farts outrange Plasma Torpedoes.

Your farts at their maximum range are stronger then Plasma Torpedoes fired point blank.

You moved one of your fat heaps around your waist and you potted the entire Greater Magellanic Cloud into a massive black hole, instantly winning a game of billiards in a higher dimension you didn't know about. (The dimension AND the game)

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

The Last time you went out into public, wearing yellow, people attempted to hail you.

?

[capnq]

StrategiaInUltima said:

?

One of the largest taxicab companies in the US is Yellow Cab; they paint their taxis bright yellow. To flag down a cab so it will pick you up, you "hail" it.