Quote:
Steerpike said:
The Scene: Aboy with his Grandfather.
"Grandfather why has the river turned yellow today?"
"Well my boy." Taking a sip from his glass of the yellow frothy 'water'."You know we are downstream from the province of the giants, occassionally when a being so strong emerges he unites those mighty beings."
"How does this make the river yellow?"
"When the giants are united they, well... have a party they kind of drink a lot... and" takes another sip"well the river Ord is the closest thing to a toilet they have. Never number twos you understand" he gives the boy a stern look.
"There must be a lot of them grandfather if they turn a whole river to gold."
"Gold indeed!"the old man smiles a slightly drunken smile."No there is'nt too many of em but they are big boy, that why they call em giants."
"Are they mighty?"
"Yes boy they are very mighty."
"Would they be as strong as Hulfgar?"
The old man looks towards a 40ish balding militia commander with a belly twice the size of his hips with ill diguised contempt."The 'Average' giant would be a little bit tougher than Hulfgar boy. They are fearsome to behold"
"Well I'm not afeared I know our gaurds will drive these Giants off, look at them!"
The old man casts his eye over the 60 or so militia and shortbowman arrayed before him with derision and takes a huge gulp of the river 'water'." They are worthy of our respect my boy God rest their souls."
"Who is this 'being' that might have united them?"
"Its hard to say boy, could be a standing stone steeped in magic or a mighty Worm with none or a great sage who researches the mysteries of spellore or maybe even some bum with a golden tounge, these giants arn't all that bright ya know."
"What does it or he mean to do."
"Or she boy or she, well if the river runs yellow and the young men of the village pass out drunk in the street it means only one thing... a new pretender has arrived. and if one new pretender arrives it means a whole damn fleet of em have come, DadNabbitt!!!.It means War boy and you have to be aligned to a pretender or you suffer terribly, No you have to be aligned to the winning pretender or you suffer terribly."
"Who are we aligned to Grandfather?"
Sighs."We are aligned to the Independents boy means our assses are hanging out there in the breeze, if we were in the province of Solaris we might be OK for a while but No we have miltia protecting us...LUCKY US... AND we are right next to the giants home province..." He looks at a now rather scared looking boy." Its not so bad little one just make sure you get your mother to make a good fleecy water lined jumper to wear, youll be Ok. Now get along and do your chores Grandfather has some drinking to do."
GO GIANTS!!!!
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The Initiate rushes frantically up the steep, gleaming white, steps of the House of Fiery Justice. He is panting loudly as he holds his red robes up over his knees to avoid triping over them in his haste.
At Last he reaches the top of the stairs and bursts through the doors, only to be imediatly stoped by two Men-at-Arms who demand to know his business.
After panting helplessly for a couple of minutes he manages to gasp out, "River ... gasp ... Yellow! Must ... pant ... tell ... our lord."
"Alright then," mutters the guard. "Why didn't ya say so in the first place?" he asks rhetorically. "You'll have to go talk to Inquisitor Ponce Pendergrast, to get an appointment with High Inquisitor Ortega Otwell, who will in turn decide if you warrant an audience with Caramont the Cardinal, then if he deems your news important enough he will pass it along to our great lord." He then waves the initiate through into the magnificent domed entry hall of the building.
As the Initiate begins to walk past the guard points across the room and to the right, "Start by talking to Sargent Santiago, he will decide if you can speak to Ponce. Good Luck." He then returns his attention to the doors he is charged with guarding.
12 hours and many appointments later the young initiate is finally in front of Cardinal Caramont.
"Speak up boy and be quick about it, you have no idea how freaking busy I am." Says the Cardinal as he stands still with his arms out to his sides so the seamstress atending him can measure him for a new robe.
The tired and frustrated young initate speaks up in a sonorous monotone. "The river has turned yellow."
"Well why in the Great Lord's name didn't you say so. Jumpin Jehosefat kid, how long ago was this noted!" he says as he hurriedly shoos the seamtress out of his way and rushes towards you.
"About three quarters of a day by now." The initiate gets out with a distinct sound of treipedation in his voice.
"Dang nabbit kid. Do you realize what this means? You do don't you? You must if you left your river watching post to come here. This is of the utmost importance, why did it take so long to get to my ears?" Yells the Cardinal in a voice that sounds close to hysteria.
"Well first I had to get an appointment with Inquisitor Pendergrast, so I could get an appointment with ..." the initiate starts to explain.
"Flames from the Sky kid, never mind the details, I must tell our great lord immediatly." He says as runs out of his office past an honor guard of 40 Men-at-Arms and 4 Royal Guards standing at attention in his Foyer.
The iniate picks up his robes and hurries to keep up, as they exit the room and run down a hall lined with countless more royal guards the Cardinal keeps emitting a steady stream of curses each more colorful than the Last.
As the enter the Foyer of the Great Lord, which is only accessible after passing through the Cardinals Foyer and the well guarded hall, Cardinal Caramont Tells the initiate to, "Wait for me here!"
The Cardinal Rushes past the guards and into the personal chambers of the Great Lord, Grim Knight, the one unseen by any but the Cardinal Himself. In his haste the Cardinal does not even pause to knock.
A few minutes later a great and powerful voice his heard booming forth from the Great Lords Chambers, "If the river runs Yellow it can mean only one thing. The pretender of the great Jotun Oafs has arrived. So it has begun if the Jotuns have a pretender than doubtless all of the great nations do as well. I was hoping for more time to plan and plot. Alas, it was not to be. Prepare the Army and begin the Attack... we must first bring all these stinking Indepents into the warmth of my embrace. Stoke the Fires the Inquisition must spread. My army shall march at Dawn!"
The iniate collapses on the floor in exhaustion and absolute wonder, he got to hear the voice of his God.
The next morning when he awoke he found himself on a Horse Marching at the front of an Army with a note informing him of his promotion to Witch Hunter and his command of the Army behind him. At the bottom of the note were written the omnious words... "Do not fail me, kid." The note was signed by Cardinal Caramont.
Grim Knight
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