To break formation in tactical combat, you click the Break Formation Orders button, then chose whether you want the selected ship, all ships in the selected ship's task force, or all ships in the selected ship's fleet to break formation.
As far as I know there's no way of setting the orders for breaking formation to occur as in the example you've given. In Strategies, there is only True or False for Break Formation Immediately or Break Formation If Core Ships Lost, but that's all the attention breaking formation gets there.
And you're right, breaking formation causes ships to stop following the fleet/task force orders and start following the orders for that ship design.
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Can you change orders on an already built ship?
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I'm assuming you mean strategy and not orders, which are two rather different things

And you can only set orders for a fleet, task force or ship design, but not individual ships seperately (thanks Fyron!). So you can't have one carrier that has Don't Get Hurt strategy and another that has Fighter Attack strategy, unless you make two different designs or stick them in a fleet.
To change the strategies of a design, go to the Design screen, click on the relavant ship, then click on the Change Strategy button.