Ohhhh, now THAT'S delicious reading!
Of course, readers, do not mistake what has been recorded below as actual truth. Rather, assume it to be the rantings of a borderline lunatic/genius whose erratic behavior (and dissemination of false information) is the key to his successes in battle.
Nevertheless, the image of Alneyan dangling from rusty manacles in a dimly-lit cell DO spark a mild interest!