OT:Inceribly dull!

[Slynky]

As long as we are allowing diVersionary stories of hospital stuff, I must tell the story of my vasectomy...groan

So, after deciding it was the right thing to do, I'm scheduled for the outpatient surgery. Mind you, having to shave my "boys" (and pretty much anything else just to be sure) the day of the surgery was lots of fun (and visions of what I looked like as a boy of, say, 10...no pubic hair notwithstanding).

So, two guys are doing the surgery. Cloth with the hole in it, etc. Of course, the room is cold as possible and turning the entire area orange around my pubic area with that antiseptic stuff didn't help any (you know, shrinkage and all...think "Seinfield").

The surgery was being done at a military clinic. Like a lot of hospitals, there always seems to be a group of people who turn up to observe. No shortage of that this time, either, as a doctor stopped by to asked if a group of about 5 interns could observe. (oh BOY, I'm thinking...perhaps we should just sell tickets! )

So, off we go. Apparently, for my gratification as well as that of the "audience", the doctor begins the procedure while explaining how bulls are castrated. (great topic, I'm thinking) And, if you didn't know, it goes a little like this: the bulls are lined up so they are forced to walk in a limited area in a row. Two guys wait at the station. One has a sharp knife that he uses to quickly slice through the scrotum skin and on the other side of the "cage", another guy stands ready with a big vaccuum hose that he immediately places over the slit so he can suck out the testicles (I can just imagine the sound bull testicles make being sucked down a hose!) After all, these are sold as edible parts .

But, the story ends well but not the humiliation. I'm carted off to a room (and a bed) where I have to stay for 2 hours to make sure everything is OK. For swelling, ice was used. But, there were no ice packs (military budget, no doubt!). Instead, they had filled up those rubber gloves with water, tied a knot in them, and froze them. Bloated little buggers, they were! You can imagine my face as a female nurse pulls these out, pulls up the gown I have on, and places one of these "hands" on each side of my scrotum. And she didn't come with out a good beside manner, either. "There!" she proclaimied after looking at her artwork, "Looks like things were well in hand now." And followed up by, "I really gotta hand it to you, you were brave to get a vasectomy."

Oh well, there's my addition to the thread.