Alneyan v. Jurri, Docket No. __________
Dear Alneyan:
The Majesty of the Law is without peers, but the Law is a jealous mistress.
The proper venue for your case would be in the United States because of the location of this bulletin board. Therefore, you must deal with the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which protects Jurri's right to free speech. Given that your posts on the bulletin board exceed 2666 in number, I figure that there is a high chance that any court would rule that you are a “public figure,” and therefore, people can get away with saying things about you more easily because you have placed yourself in the spotlight of public scrutiny and your life is now a matter of common public inquiry and perhaps even newsworthy.
In addition, Jurri will probably assert the defense of "truth", because only false statements can be defamatory. Is it possible that Jurri will produce witnesses of your "shankness" whose veracity will be difficult to refute?
In terms of your other claims for manslaughter, felony, et al., you do not have standing to bring such claims to the Court, because they are criminal matters and must be prosecuted by the State. Nonetheless, I will review the law concerning any associated private remedies that you might hold at your disposal (e.g., assault, battery, false imprisonment, etc.)
In terms of my fee, I will need a retainer of 7000 euro before I can begin work, and I shall charge 150 euro per hour for my time. I have certainly taken many cases pro bono, but unfortunately your case is not of the type of cases I routinely take without sufficient remuneration.
Thank you, Alneyan, for considering my office for your legal needs. Once I receive the retainer, I will have my assistant schedule another interview.
Sincerely,
Pasha
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