Jokes and Riddles Centre

[Starhawk]

LOL ahaha

[Gandalf Parker]

OK its written as "my own game" but I think it could be re-written as "my own module" and TOTALLY fit here.

http://www.gamespy.com/articles/606/606686p1.html

Gandalf Parker

[Strategia_In_Ultima]

Gandalf.....

http://www.shrapnelcommunity.com/thr...t=1#Post350076

[Wardad]

A Cajun man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

"Here's your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the Cajun says, "Dat is easy." and proceeds to draw three trees.


"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Cajun.

"Fair enough," says the boss "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Cajun stares into space for awhile, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Cajun, so he says, "all right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Cajun stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Cajun leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred.....So, when I start?!"

[Renegade 13]

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
How about achieving 103%? Here's a little math that might prove helpful.
What makes life 100%?
If
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then,

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,

B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bull**** will put you over the top.

And look how far .........

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

will take you.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

http://www.eykir.com/index.htm

http://www.collegehumor.com/?movie_id=138298 < Those guys (And gals) have earned their 'Ultimate Geek For Life' badges, I think.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

A chicken crossed the road.

It's not going to take that lying down.

---

Two ghosts walked into a bar.

Dead silence.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

More quoting!

Subject: Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy
Author: dave gerecke
Date: 07 May 2005 06:13 AM
Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy


To go outside, and there perchance to stay
Or to remain within: that is the question:
Whether 'tis better for a cat to suffer
The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather
That Nature rains upon those who roam abroad,
Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet,
And so by dozing melt the solid hours
That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time
And stall the dinner bell.
To sit, to stare outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state
A wish to venture forth without delay,
Then when the portal's opened up, to stand
As if transfixed by doubt.
To prowl; to sleep;
To choose not knowing when we may once more
Our readmittance gain: aye, there's the hairball;
For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob,
Or work a lock or slip a window-catch,
And going out and coming in were made
As simple as the breaking of a bowl,
What cat would bear the household's petty plagues,
The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom,
The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears,
The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks
That fur is heir to, when, of his own free will,
He might his exodus or entrance make
With a mere mitten?
Who would spaniels fear,
Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard,
But that the dread of our unheeded cries
And scratches at a barricaded door
No claw can opn up, dispels our nerve
And makes us rather bear our humans' faults
Than run away to unguessed miseries?
Thus cautious doth make house cats of us all;
And thus the bristling hair of resolution
Is softened up with the pale brush of thought,
And since our choices hinge on weighty things,
We pause upon the threshold of decision.

~Shakespaw (from Stan Kegal)

[Starhawk]

A true story:

I was working at Wendys for 4 months before I quit because the whole situation sucked, however there is one moment I remember very fondly (actually a few but I can't mention the others lol):

It was a monday afternoon and I had just finished with the lunch rush and had a pounding headache from dealing with an irate family that always came in and always had something to complain about, well a woman and a man walked in with a dog that was wearing a "service dog" vest and since it was blue I knew it was a dog in training.
Well anyway I take their order and make a little small talk about the dog (a yellow lab puppy about a year old) and this man walks in and sees the man with the dog and says rather rudely
"Hey Man you ain't s'posed to have dogs in here can't you read the signs."
The man ignores him and walks to the bathroom with the dog, well I am still talking a little bit to the woman as we wait for her food to get done and this man walks up to me and goes.
"Hey I thought you people didn't allow pets in here what's the deal?"

I looked at him-a little baffled because I thought everyone knew that the vests of different colors meant different types of service dogs- well I lean over to the woman and say in a tone loud enough for him to hear "Ma'am she is a working dog right?" the woman nods and goes says yes very politely.
I looked at the gentlement and said
"Sir she's a working dog they're allowed in restaraunts and stores"
The man streightens his back and looks down at me with a cocky grin (did I mention he was really freakin tall?) and says in one of those "I'm smarter then you" tones
"Man that's bullsh%t that dog don't work here."

[narf poit chez BOOM]

Funny, in a sad, sad, way.