320.2! 301.5, 311.3, 65.4

[Taera]

hey ruatha check your sig, you had shift pressed a little too long there

[Stone Mill]

Originally posted by narf poit chez BOOM:
i found a math joke site.

quote:

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Alexander the Great had an Infinite Number of Limbs (From Joel Rubin - grad school days!) (top)

Alexander the Great was forwarned of his fate by an oracle.
Forewarned is fore-armed.
Four arms + 2 legs = 6 limbs.
Six is an odd number of limbs for a man!
Six is even.
No finite number is both odd and even
Therefore Alexander had an infinite number of limbs!

Question: What do you call a bird that flew away from home? (top)

Answer: Poly-gon ! . . . . ha ha ha (from my ex-trig student Will)

Question: What do you get when you divide the circumference
of a Jack-O-Lantern by its diameter? (top)

Answer: Pumpkin Pi !

Three Kinds of People (sent in by my former student L.L.) (top)

There are three kinds of people in this world:
those who are good at math, and those who aren't.

10 Kinds of People (follow-up from my student Lorenzo, now in Italy) (top)

There are 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who know binary, and those who don't.

Theorem : Perfect Squares Don´t Exist - by Prof Hendrik Lenstra (top)

Proof : Suppose that n is a perfect square. Look at the odd divisors of n.
They all divide the largest of them, which is itself a square, say d^2.
This shows that the odd divisors of n come in pairs a, b, where ab = d^2.
Only d is paired to itself.Therefore the number of odd divisors of n is odd.
This implies that the sum of all divisors of n is also odd. In particular, it is not 2n.
Hence n is not perfect, a contradiction : Perfect squares don´t exist. QED.

This site maintained by B & L Web Design, a division of B & L Math Enterprises

found this while looking for all cats have five legs. this'll do.

(idea) by Wntrmute (10.9 hr) (print)
Theorem: All Cats have nine tails.
Proof:
No cat has eight tails.
One cat has one more tail than no cats.
Therefore, all cats have nine tails.

All Cats are mortal.
Socrates is mortal.
Therefore, Socrates is a cat.

(idea) by exceptinsects (1.5 d) (print) ? Sun Jul 22 2001 at 7:28:03

In a Musical Acoustics (AKA Physics for Idiots) class final at Oberlin College, we were given a question that began:

Imagine you are playing a saxophone on the planet Jupiter and there is a large cat blocking the mouth of the saxophone...

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Great stuff!!!!

[General Woundwort]

[From Dilbert...]

(Dilbert) I think, therefore I am...

[PHB looks in]

.. but I am micromanaged, therefore I am not.

(Later, Dilbert to Dogbert) I have a philosophical question for you...

(Dogbert) You are not me, therefore you are irrelevant.

[Loser]

A physicist an engineer and a mathematician are all staying in the same hotel.

Late at night, a fire breaks out in the physicist's television. He wakes up and see that the television is on fire. He then finds the room's sink and a bucket (originally for ice). Making a reasonable estimate of the heatmass of the burning television he calculates the necessary amount of water to douse the flames, measures it out in the bucket (estimating again), unplugs the television and dumps the bucket on the television, putting the fire out. He then goes back to sleep, satisfied that his vocation allowed him to solve this problem.

The engineer also wakes to find his television on fire. He also finds the bucket and the sink. He fills the bucket to over-flowing and dumps the entire quantity on the fire, right after kicking the television's power cord out of it's outlet. He fills another bucket and dumps it on the television, and throws the whole mess out the window. He goes back to bed and sleeps, because he has work to do the next day.

In a freak coincidence as you will only find in such stories, the mathematician also wakes during the night under similar circumstances. He sees the burning television, the bucket, and the sink and satisfied that there is a solution, he goes back to sleep.

[General Woundwort]

SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university physicists. The element, tentatively named "Administratium," has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 15 assistant neutrons, 70 vice neutrons, and 161 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 247. These 247 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called "morons."

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact. According to discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium added to one reaction caused it to take over four days to complete. Without the Administratium, the reaction occurs in less than one second. Administratium has a half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies seem to show that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate in certain locations such as governments, large corporations, and especially in universities. It can usually be found polluting the best appointed and best maintained buildings. Scientists warn that Administratium is known to be toxic and recommend plenty of alcoholic fluids followed by bed rest after even low levels of exposure.

[ July 10, 2003, 17:35: Message edited by: General Woundwort ]

[Loser]

A physicist a biologist and a mathematician were at a bar, drinking and looking out the window. As they watched a building across the street, they saw one person walk in and two people walk out.

"Reproduction by fission!" the biologist claimed.

"No, no. This does not fit our well tested and published theories," countered the physicist, "we must not have all the data."

While these two were arguing, the mathematician watched another person walk into the building. "It's settled then," he said to his two friends, "there is no reason for argument: that building is empty."

[General Woundwort]

One day a mathematician decides that he is sick of math. So, he walks down to the fire department and announces that he wants to become a fireman.

The fire chief says, "Well, you look like a good guy. I'd be glad to hire you, but first I have to give you a little test."

The firechief takes the mathematcian to the alley behind the fire department which contains a dumpster, a spigot, and a hose. The chief then says, "OK, you're walking in the alley and you see the dumpster here is on fire. What do you do?"

The mathematician replies, "Well, I hook up the hose to the spigot, turn the water on, and put out the fire."

The chief says, "That's great... perfect. Now I have to ask you just one more question. What do you do if you're walking down the alley and you see the dumpster is not on fire?"

The mathematician puzzles over the question for awhile and he finally says, "I light the dumpster on fire."

The chief yells, "What? That's horrible! Why would you light the dumpster on fire?"

The mathematician replies, "Well, that way I reduce the problem to one I've already solved."

[narf poit chez BOOM]

what did the constipated mathmatician do?

*runs away giggling*

[Ragnarok]

*Grabs bottle of exlax. Reads label.*
"1 teaspoon for fast, effective relief." *Evil grin comes across his face as he pours in the teaspoon...Perplexingly looks at bottle again and then pours in the whole bottle.*

Name that movie.

[Ruatha]

Originally posted by Taera:
hey ruatha check your sig, you had shift pressed a little too long there

Nope, It looks just fine to me!