New Dawn - EA Dawn of Dominions

[Covenant]

Excuse me, did I just get attacked without warning OR provocation by Vanheim? That's pretty low class.

If not, I'd like to know now, before I launch into a retaliatory assault on Vanheim's forces. I thought it was at least somewhat customary to give a same-turn notification if an attack was intentional or a mistake.

[StrictlyRockers]

The attack was intentional. I'm sorry I didn't send you a postcard first.

[Covenant]

I figured it was at least common courtesy to say "Avast! We dislike the cut of your jib!" along with an invasion force so I know if it's an error, your turnfile being cut off or corrupted, or something worth drafting a letter to my neighbors about.

[StrictlyRockers]

You are quite right, sir. Things have been somewhat disorganized in the Vanheimigian nation of late. Somehow this diplomatic missive was lost in the shuffle...





Haroog, Knights of Ulm! The Vanheimigian Vanir of Vanheim respectfully take issue with your recent hostile actions. Not only have you sent hordes of troops to the very edge of our border, announcing your OBVIOUS hostile intentions and your totally unquestionable desire to invade our lands, you have also seen fit to include a very powerful Pretender God among this offensive force.

This aggression will not be tolerated! Vanheim cannot sit idly by and watch these offensive military excercies being conducted on our border. We had to take defensive action by launching a pre-emptive counterstrike to your invasion. (Also, we believe there may be some weapons of mass destruction over here...somewhere...um, we're still looking.)

This menacing and belligerent act was accompanied by no correspondence or assurances of any kind from your nation. The Vanheimigians were forced to act from a sense of self-preservation only. The Vanheimigian Vanir are a piece-loving people. We only want a little piece of your land...to compensate us for your aggressive actions. It was very aggressive of you to try to fool us this turn by not attacking us, too. That was extra-aggressive because by moving away and doing the opposite, you are obviously just trying to trick us.

We have been forced to put away our plowshares and picked up broadswords. We will repel the Ulmish Knights from our lands, and from any lands adjacent to our lands where they can continue to leer at us threateningly. As if these hostile acts were not enough, also, late at night, down across the river, some of our citizens heard Ulmish knaves singing disparaging comical songs about Vanheimigian maidens! Yeargh!!! It is to be war for centuries!! Helga and Hurkeh or not to be compared with anything but delicate wildflowers, certainly not with farm animals! Haroog!

The peasants have taken up arms and the Vanir intend to teach the Ulmish squires a lesson. Leering at our sisters and looming at us menacingly, and with obvious intent to launch sorties to steal our pigs and other less valuable family members, will not be tolerated. Long live the Vanheimigians! War upon the Order and the Knights of Ulm! Long live Vanheim!

[Amhazair]

StrictlyRockers said:
We will repel the Ulmish Knights from [...]any lands adjacent to our lands where they can continue to leer at us threateningly.

You just gotta love this kind of diplomacy

[Sir_Dr_D]

Vanheimigians

The term is usually just Vanir, but I like Vanheimigians better. I am not even going to try to pronounce it though.

[Covenant]

Ulm has no knights, as horses are for sissies!

[StrictlyRockers]

I'm tellin' the Vanherse you said that.

[Covenant]

Feel free. Their 'glamour' obsession plus their sissy horses just reinforces the notion. It's a wonder they can even go to battle at all. I hope they've all properly accessorized with handbags and new heels.

[Sir_Dr_D]

The druids of marverni dissapprove of such snide remarks, and glaring sneers. They suggest that the leaders of the vanir and the ulmishmen meet with them in the sacred druid groove. The druids will act as mediators, and perhaps such hostilities could be resolved,