The Funniest Canadian Joke.

[tbontob]

Originally posted by Kaladaar:
Getting back to the reason for this thread:

A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the lover in the closet with the little boy. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball glove." The lover, remembering the Last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$750." Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth." The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says "$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The minister says, "Don't start that with me again."

LOLROF

Glad you put me back on the 'real' topic".

[ January 30, 2003, 05:01: Message edited by: tbontob ]

[tbontob]

Originally posted by Sinapus:
http://satirewire.com/news/feb02/warship.shtml

"Canadians. With guns. And a warship. What is this world coming to?"

"They were pretty rude, too," Omari added. "They started asking us all sorts of questions, like 'Where did that oil come from?' But first we wanted to know who gave them the damn warship."

That's funny.

To the world we can't even build our oun little ships. Like a frigate is even smaller than a destroyer.

And Canadians rude?!?! Gasp.

So Canadians are not immune to "Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely!"

EDIT Give us a popgun and we are no different from anybody else.

[ January 30, 2003, 03:05: Message edited by: tbontob ]

[Kamog]

Kaladaar, that was funny!

[Ragnarok]

Welp, I got a couple jokes for everyone today. Tell me what you think.
Only thing is they arn't canadian jokes.

For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other.
A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyBoards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face.
She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced.
I started to type, "Leave me alone!"
They both jumped back, silenced. "What the . . . " the teacher said. I typed, "I said leave me alone!"
The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!"
It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes.
Me: "Don't touch me!"
Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard."
Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc. Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing.
After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class.

And...

There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. I know you all have experienced this, and here's the way one old guy handled it.
An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with, the doctor in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.
The doctor's office erupted in laughter.

Enjoy...

[kalthalior]

I thought this was pretty funny given the "Rate the President" thread.

US calls for inspections at Wonka

[tbontob]

Ragnarok

You could say it happened in Canada or "The Canadian"

The first one reads like you were the "perpetrator"! Now fess up, were you?

The second one was really funny. How we go into contortions to avoid things and how 'really' straight people let the cat out of the bag.

Children are notorious for doing this!

[Ragnarok]

You could say it happened in Canada or "The Canadian"

I guess I could've done that. Didn't think about it at the time though.

The first one reads like you were the "perpetrator"! Now fess up, were you?

No, it wasn't me. I was the second one.
No, I don't know nothing about computer programming. That is the way I copied and pasted the story from a joke a day email I get every day.

The second one was really funny. How we go into contortions to avoid things and how 'really' straight people let the cat out of the bag.

Yeah, kids are really good at doing that. It seems like older ones are too. You do it when you're a kid and then stop doing it for a few years. Then pick up once more when you're like 60 or older.

[primitive]

3 SIMPLE STEPS TO MAKE A GREAT CANADIAN JOKE.

Doing extensive research in this thread (thanks to tbontob for step 2 and Growltigga for step 3), I have compiled 3 simple steps to make a great Canadian joke.
1: Take any great joke.
2: Exhange all geographic references with Canada (or the Canadian ).
3: If sheep is involved, exhange with moose.

So lets run a little test:
Original joke:
What do you call a Scotsman with a sheep under each arm ?
- A pimp.

Canadian joke:
What do you call a Canadian with a moose under each arm ?
- A pimp.

Hmmm, must be one more step.

[Fyron]

Primitive, you have to start with a good joke, not a bad one.

[primitive]

Fyron
This joke was only used for testing purposes. I would never tell such a lame joke.

BTW, I think I got it..

4: Compensate for size difference.

Original joke:
What do you call a Scotsman with a sheep under each arm ?
- A pimp.

Refined Canadian joke:
What do you call a Canadian with a moose under each arm ?
- A very, very tall pimp.