Ye New Galactic Bar & Grill & Phong's Head Cantina - After Hours

[Fyron]

Originally posted by Erax:
You banished the vegetable god who was dumping onions on your head evry time you said "onions", now he has no way to get to you, so he won't be throwing onions at the Cantina any more.
Saying "onions" has just become harmless.

Hehehe!

*Contemplates whether he should use his unholy powers of persuasion on the H&S Inspectors to save the Cantina or not. He has been constantly persecuted and repressed here, after all.*

[TerranC]

We've went through 2 already, and now we're going to close this one, and open another one? Unnecessary fuss to me, lads.

Well, can't disagree with the majority.

Somebody go to new england and tell them to make a oak sign, light and small as possible without compromising the legible-from-200-parsecs limit.

And tell them to include the new name:

*insert name here*

Somebody open a new poll, will ya?

*goes back to the Last stool available and keeps the lobsters away as best as TC can.*

[Taz-in-Space]

...Destroy the Cantina??? Haven't we been doing that all along?

Well, if the bosses want destruction, then I guess we will HAVE destruction...

Hmmm, what to use...

Alcohol burns nicely...
The electrical equipment COULD be rigged to spark and explode...
Those pent up GASSES in the Gents Room might combust...

Nope. The Cantina has survived worse! Perhaps if we cause a nova in the local sun??

...Taz begins to construct a Star Destroyer

[Gryphin]

:: Scans the cantina, notes the dart board, Steps over and packs them away, Nudges Paladin of Earth,:: Come on, we got to plan the new place.

[Kamog]

Help! What's going on? Why are you blowing up the Cantina? I don't know anything, I just stepped in here a few minutes ago... Where's the emergency exit? By the way, I had no idea this place was so unsanitary and dangerous! Is the new place going to score above -1000 at least?

[Fyron]

No emergency exits. -25393 points.

[dogscoff]

Huge piles of mouldy onions scattered about the Cantina. Minus 3000 points.

Patrons buried under said piles of onions, many of them in advanced stages of decomposition: Minus 4000 points.

[Growltigga]

Allowing elderly patrons smelling of urine and colostomy bags into the cantina -1000 points

Repeated unlicenced uses of them-a-matic machines -1000 points

Serving carbonated urine extracted from alcoholics to north american patrons -2000 points

Hey, good news guys, we have gained a 1000 points for the hygienic state of the FBW's quarters, gawd bless 'em

The inspectors continue prowling round the cantina, so far, the kitchen is taking up a lot of their time and they havn't even gone into the toilets yet....

Growltigga runs into the loos with the Cif mousse in order to clean up the results of his latest anxiety attack........

Coming out of the new pine fresh and lemon scented loos, Growltigga summons the regulars into a huddle....

Listen guys, unless someone has a phenominally clever brainwave to get us out of this mess, the cantina is going to get closed down by the HSE rapido.... what do we do? open up a new cantina elsewhere and try and improve our hygiene standards? what do we do?

[Gryphin]

Pssst. GT, quietly evacuate the patrons from the cantina, then use the Planet size sliser and dicer befor the HSE people know it, ya know, one Last act of cartoon violence, We can then sell pieces of the cantina to raise credits for the new place.

[tesco samoa]

ONION

Senator Mix-A-Lot Sponsors Titties-On-Glass Legislation
WASHINGTON, DC—Seeking to stem a four-year decline in freaky Yolandas throwing they titties on U.S. glass, U.S. Sen. Mix-A-Lot (B-WA) introduced sweeping new putting-'em-on-glass legislation Tuesday. "Now listen up, Uncle Sam / I wanna see soul sistas pressin' that ham / Make me say damn / I wanna rear-end 'em / So I'm callin' a Senate referendum / Bounce by the ounce don't make no fun / I'll take 'em by the ton, son," Mix-A-Lot said. "Don't hand this bill down to no committees / 'Cause Mix don't wait on monster titties / Note to my colleague Tom Daschle / That if the babies be gettin' bashful / No melons droppin' on my windshield / So get them nudie laws repealed." Mix-A-Lot then gave props to the authors of H.R. 1610, from which several key clauses were sampled.

History Channel Admits To Profiting From Nazi Documentaries
NEW YORK—The History Channel confessed Monday that it used Nazi footage to fatten its coffers. "The time has come to bring our network's shameful legacy to light," History Channel president Warren Brabender said. "Over the past 10 years, more than $300 million in ad revenue has been generated through the airing of Nazi documentaries." The channel will likely be required to pay reparations to Americans who viewed the atrocities.