[OT] poll on inappropriate behavior

[Gryphin]

Guys, I guess I was thinking of High School when I read the question. I imagine it does happen with men over 20 but not among those who actualy want to avoid it. The best defence is to not be where you are likely to get into that situation.

In my High School I didn't have the choise. I was the new kid in town and had to be "tested". I saw it coming as I ws getting off the bus.
He shoved
I dropped my books
Drove my fingers into his solar plexes
Threw my right leg behind his
Shoved back
Picked up my books and walked off,
(shaking in my sneakers)
The next day I climbmed the ropes to the top of the gym cealings... hand over hand, (no feet). No one ever bothered me again.
It was a Darwin thing. Ya know?
That was then, this is now, (age 49). I win by not being where I am going to get into those situations.
So using steal? Don't need it in my life and I don't know how I would react if I was inadvertantly in that situation today.

[Kamog]

If somebody shoved me, I would not shove back. I would try to walk away without starting a fight.

[DavidG]

Originally posted by Loser:
Fights aren't life threatening,

I know a few bars in the north end of town that prove this wrong.

[Loser]

Originally posted by DavidG:

quote:

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Originally posted by Loser:
Fights aren't life threatening,

I know a few bars in the north end of town that prove this wrong.

---

We have those places around here as well. I suppose they're everywhere.

But they don't shove there. It's on or it's not.

[PvK]

Seems like the thread has drifted away from inappropriate behavior.

Of course, the "PC" and legal thing to do is to refuse to fight or shove back unless entirely necessary, and complain like mad to the authorities (teacher if in school, police if in adult public). Shoving is technically assault(tm) in the USA, and can carry some excessive penalties.

PvK

[ November 19, 2003, 01:45: Message edited by: PvK ]

[Taz-in-Space]

In my younger days I went Bar-hopping in many of the wrong places...

Of the three fights I had as an adult, in the first two I tried to reason with those idiots - and had to fight anyway.
The third and Last fight was the shortest... He grabbed and threathened me, and I reached in my pocket and used the Pepper Spray on him.
Nice thing about pepper spray is it is non-lethal but usually a fight stopper. My post-fight recovery time was also MUCH shorter...

[Puke]

are we talking about school kids here, or drunken bar brawls? I will grant you that fighting has become less socially acceptable in recent generations, and kids these days are tending to be rather prissy in many respects (devolution at work, but lets not get started on that.)

But seriously, most people are going to posture before they fight. wither that means talking loudly, looking mean, or pushing, its all the same. People dont really WANT to fight, they just want the other guy to back down. There is an interesting website called "killology.com" that presents some well researched articles about soldiers' historical adVersion to killing each other, and how modern first world training techniques "fix" that problem.

Any way, most people dont know how to fight - and most people dont want to REALLY fight. and if were still talking about school kids, most of them dont get hurt in a fight. sure, they might be sore for a day or so afterwords, but odds are it will end up with the guys hitting each other untill they get tired.

most of the one hit knockdown stuff only happens on TV, so people have some very distorted ideas about what will happen when they get in a fight. its not like school kids are usually going to be gouging eyes and ****. But if they did, as with most things, it comes down to a matter of willpower. If you're willing to break bones and the other guy isnt, you'll win.

im not into all that antler-locking mating ritual bull**** and i dont have alot of patience for folks that like to posture. but im not going to be all macho for the folks on this forum by describing how to break someones patella. suffice to say, people would be better off we could all express our differences in a healthy way, because although I may not have been the strapping young man Gryph was -- he IS right -- darwin offers some very compelling reasons to never back down.

[dogscoff]

Where I live the possibility of you or the other guy carrying a concealed weapon is pretty much zero. Thankfully. It's just not something I have to consider.

Obviously there crooks out there with guns but they would most likely show the weapon straight away (give me your wallet) or, if they wanted you dead for some reason, shoot and get the hell out without spending time on posturing.

So as far as I'm concerned, if there's shoving, there's no gun.

[Gryphin]

Probably best to read this and my prior Posts knowing I had been picked on most of my life for being "different".
So, back to the question:
I think as in "Most" things. It depends.
That was beginning of the 9th grade, and I was 14. The year was 1969. I did not have to worry about knives or guns and such.
I did have to worry about becoming bully bait. As it is I got lucky. He could have been very seriously hurt, (this I learned later). My action was probably more an impulse driven by fear than some thought out strategy.

Generally speaking:
If you are in a non mortal situation
And If You can't back out
Strke first with no warning

If you are in a situation where someone might get killed do your best to back out.
Still I consider it a Darwin thing for an adult to be able to avoid such situations. Kids in school don’t always have this option to avoid these situations. You could be bleeding on the floor before someone with sufficient authority can intervene. I use the word “sufficient” because some teachers are unable to stop or breakup a fight.

Note: I generalize and "All Generalizations are False" (including that one).

[Loser]

While I did not specifically mean a school, the environment I had in mind often reminds me of Junior High. But I'm not the one who punches a guy in the nose for shoving me.

Unrelated Storytelling Interlude

The Last time I was in a situation where the posturing had elevated to small displays of violence I was standing in the middle of a street outside a friend's house confronting a drunk shirtless teenager who was clumsily swinging around a very ornate nunchaku ("fancy pair of nunchucks?", which is better terminology?). He had been thrown out of the party, and was persisting in the loud and unacceptable behavior that had gotten him thrown out.

I had a soaked towel over my shoulders and had put something in my hair to make it slick. I had left my glasses, belt, and wallet inside, just in case. My insides were quaking, and I thought to myself again that I am a coward afflicted with a dangerous disease of stupidity and pride.

There were some real bruisers at the party, but those kids were on probation, and their friends were holding them back from fights that could get them in more trouble. No one was going to call the police, because of the neighborhood and what was going on at the party.

I had sent everyone else inside the house ("when you don't know who's in charge you are"), but he continued to direct his threats toward their faces in the windows more than me. He never came close to me, which was good for me. Standing with false certainty is easier than moving with it.

This fool's hysterics, by this time, consisted primarily of "You want some of this?" (gestures elsewhere) "You want some of this?". What do you say to that? "No, not really. But I do need you to leave." Whatever, he went away.

At that point I was pretty proud of myself. I had gone out and talked to the ego monster and had made him go away, and I had marshaled calmer minds to keep the probates from getting in trouble.

Four hours later I was pretty sure I had one the wrong thing. The bastard came back several times. He broke windows, keyed a few cars, and even tried to force his way into the house at one point, opening the door suddenly and forcefully and giving the petite host a nasty knock on the head. Turns out, though she denied having anything to do with him, his girlfriend was still at the party, and he felt he needed to talk with her. (They were together again the next day... Some people's children.) He was running now, and no one was going to go far after him in the dark.

If I had just let the bruisers kick the snot out of this troublemaker from the get go it would have prevented a lot of grief, and might have taught him a lesson. The host should have thrown him out earlier, but her 'bouncer' wasn't there that night and she doesn't seem to 'have it in herself'.

Whatever.

I have 'not enough violence' problems more often than I have 'too much violence' problems.