OT:Inceribly dull! - Page 2

Slynky · #11 July 24th, 2004, 08:55 PM

As long as we are allowing diVersionary stories of hospital stuff, I must tell the story of my vasectomy...groan

So, after deciding it was the right thing to do, I'm scheduled for the outpatient surgery. Mind you, having to shave my "boys" (and pretty much anything else just to be sure) the day of the surgery was lots of fun (and visions of what I looked like as a boy of, say, 10...no pubic hair notwithstanding).

So, two guys are doing the surgery. Cloth with the hole in it, etc. Of course, the room is cold as possible and turning the entire area orange around my pubic area with that antiseptic stuff didn't help any (you know, shrinkage and all...think "Seinfield").

The surgery was being done at a military clinic. Like a lot of hospitals, there always seems to be a group of people who turn up to observe. No shortage of that this time, either, as a doctor stopped by to asked if a group of about 5 interns could observe. (oh BOY, I'm thinking...perhaps we should just sell tickets!

)

So, off we go. Apparently, for my gratification as well as that of the "audience", the doctor begins the procedure while explaining how bulls are castrated. (great topic, I'm thinking) And, if you didn't know, it goes a little like this: the bulls are lined up so they are forced to walk in a limited area in a row. Two guys wait at the station. One has a sharp knife that he uses to quickly slice through the scrotum skin and on the other side of the "cage", another guy stands ready with a big vaccuum hose that he immediately places over the slit so he can suck out the testicles (I can just imagine the sound bull testicles make being sucked down a hose!) After all, these are sold as edible parts

.

But, the story ends well but not the humiliation. I'm carted off to a room (and a bed) where I have to stay for 2 hours to make sure everything is OK. For swelling, ice was used. But, there were no ice packs (military budget, no doubt!). Instead, they had filled up those rubber gloves with water, tied a knot in them, and froze them. Bloated little buggers, they were! You can imagine my face as a female nurse pulls these out, pulls up the gown I have on, and places one of these "hands" on each side of my scrotum. And she didn't come with out a good beside manner, either. "There!" she proclaimied after looking at her artwork, "Looks like things were well in hand now." And followed up by, "I really gotta hand it to you, you were brave to get a vasectomy."

Oh well, there's my addition to the thread.

Renegade 13 · #12 July 24th, 2004, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Slynky:
So, off we go. Apparently, for my gratification as well as that of the "audience", the doctor begins the procedure while explaining how bulls are castrated. (great topic, I'm thinking) And, if you didn't know, it goes a little like this: the bulls are lined up so they are forced to walk in a limited area in a row. Two guys wait at the station. One has a sharp knife that he uses to quickly slice through the scrotum skin and on the other side of the "cage", another guy stands ready with a big vaccuum hose that he immediately places over the slit so he can suck out the testicles (I can just imagine the sound bull testicles make being sucked down a hose!) After all, these are sold as edible parts

First of all....EWWWWW!

Second, that's only the way mature bulls are castrated, which isn't the way most cattle operators do it. Mostly, the bulls are castrated a few days after birth, and then with a very tight, thick eLastic band that is slipped over the...um...equipment, then allowed to tighten. Cuts off the circulation, then after a month or so they dry up and fall off. No pain for the calves. For mature bulls they do do it as you described, which seems a little bit cruel to me. Maybe I'm just a little bit sympathetic...after all I wouldn't want that to happen to me!

(How can you tell I live on a cattle ranch eh??!)

As for hospital stories, well I don't have that many, and none are exciting or out of the ordinary. I didn't even visit a hospital for over 10 consecutive years (and I'm only 17, so that's not bad!) But then I had to go punch a wall, break my hand, etc etc. They didn't even take an x-ray of it, they just could feel the break, bandaged it up and told me to keep it that way for a couple weeks at least. That's the extent of my hospital stories.

Ruatha · #13 July 24th, 2004, 09:22 PM

Ahh, the hand in the wall!!
Every weekend we have a boy who has hit his hand in the wall, and a couple of hours later we x-ray the face of the "wall" to look for fractures on him aswell

S> Well in hands

Slynky · #14 July 24th, 2004, 09:49 PM

So, Ruatha...

How about some stories of (weird) things that got swallowed? Surely there must be some.

Renegade 13: WIth the whole world at hand, it figures there would be a "ranchhand" available to comment on bulls

. And Canadian, no less!

Atrocities · #15 July 24th, 2004, 10:05 PM

No thanks, no one needs to read stories like that.

Instar · #16 July 25th, 2004, 01:07 AM

My only medical disaster that I've personally been through involves a deli slicer. Need I elaborate?

Slynky · #17 July 25th, 2004, 02:08 AM

Been a while since Ruatha posted. Perhaps he got that autobahn pileup!

Joachim · #18 July 25th, 2004, 02:57 AM

Hope not, maybe that next shift of nurses had a couple of nice ones

Ruatha · #19 July 25th, 2004, 04:48 AM

Nah, a couple of heads, a bowel, some lungs and some bones, and I've got to sleep for 2+1 hour

If it hadn't been that the orthopedical doctor was inexperianced I'd still be sleeping, but she doesn't feel ready to judge all the x-rays alone yet... so I'm a gentleman and comes down and does it.
And now there's a suspected aortical aneurysm about to come in, so I'll have to wait for that one.

[ July 25, 2004, 03:55: Message edited by: Ruatha ]

Instar · #20 July 25th, 2004, 05:02 AM

The life of a doctor-type person. Sounds cool, and it involves science, which is always friggin awesome!