(OT) Some advice for me / My Depression Thread / Thanks forumers

[Taera]

thanks a lot to you friends, there is some great advice there and just cheering up

it is very interesting, my mood goes way down every evening to the point of complete amotivation but goes back up to normal. then comes evening.

Ah well, its not evening yet.

I have posted here because i know some of you are of averagely my mindset and might have been through the same things i have right now. i see i was right, and im glad. i dont usually share such information but this time i've no regrets.

just a notice, my situation is much worsened by the fact that this is a still new country to me, radically different from anywhere i lived before.
while i got the grip on the language my spoken part still remains low.

I guess i am lucky i got the right mind, i completely stopped all my fit-in attempts back in grade 5. from a source that isnt relevant i read "if you want others to like you you need to like yourself first. accept yourself as you are because its the only one you can be. only then you can change yourself". been amongst my guidelines since then.

thanks again. i've been doing some things right, some not. there is too much good advice to comment on each. thanks.

[Chauron]

Originally posted by dogscoff:
Something else I just thought of, and it might not make a difference to you but there's a chance you'll find it helpful:

One way of building social/ self confidence is through physical contact. I'm not suggesting you go round hugging everyone but certain sports and activities can do wonders for your interaction with others.

I play soccer myself and let me tell ya, theres nothing like nailing some guy out on the field and stealing the ball
Getting into Team sports like Soccer/Football/Basketball etc sorta forces you to work with other ppl... now on my team there are several idiots that I don't care to be around but there are a couple guys that I have alot of fun with and we work together rather well...

[ May 22, 2003, 00:02: Message edited by: Chauron ]

[dogscoff]

The amount of ppl who have gone through the same sort of thing is amazing. I wish I'd had you guys around 10 years ago...

just a notice, my situation is much worsened by the fact that this is a still new country to me, radically different from anywhere i lived before.

Well then I guess you need to do something that will help you understand the Canadians better. I'm not canadian, so the best I can come up with is to get into ice hockey. I'm sure someone else will come up with a better suggestion soon.

[Narrew]

Originally posted by Taera:
i've been doing some things right, some not.

That the only thing we can do friend. And I am sure that it is hard to believe, but it gets easier as time goes on, and if not easier, then you realize (with age) what is important.

My senior year I was an exchange student to Sweden (ha Rutha). So here I am, an over weight kid that is not popular in school (rual Indiana) and go to Sweden, and guess what, I am popular because I am different, I loose weight, then while the U.S. is doing something in El Salvador there are protestors in downtown Boras against the U.S., well another american and I are walking by them and they try to pass us some propaganda and we told them in Swedish that we were Americans, though we made no threating gestures, they backed off fast So...I was the same person as 6 months earlier, just in a different setting.

I think the hardest thing will be language, more of the slang. I took English in Sweden and barely passed since American English is different from British English. I went to the movie Airplane, there is a spot where they say "its going to hit the fan now" and a pile of cow poo flies through the air and hits a fan, funny to me, but not so funny to my host parents.

I dont know how to help you there, watch movies at home to get the idea of the local humor.

[Narrew]

Originally posted by dogscoff:
Well then I guess you need to do something that will help you understand the Canadians better.

How about them 2 guys that drink beer? The McKinsey Brothers or some such. Strange Brew was one of their movies I think. Is Red Green from Canada, if not, I am sure it is close enough.

Ahh, Canadian humor...got to love it

[Taera]

im trying, trying lol tho life in Israel gave me a little radical opinions on this and that lol and i often shock my social studies teacher
well i will get used to it, cuz canadians are (quote from a song) "too darn nice" lol
yea, thanks again.
as for ages - this is very funny (to me) but i only find mutual interests with people either younger or older than myself

[Narrew]

Well I think Israel has to be one of the hardest places to live. I can not imagine how people live any kind of normal life there (at least from my american point of view).

Keep a sense of humor when you come accross someone that is clueless about things you have experienced in Israel. A free country does not equal a smart population. There are many ignorant people out there, and as Fyron has pointed out, ignorant does not mean stupid, just lacks the proper information.

It is good to talk about it also, as someone else has mentioned, I too wish I had talked about things at your age.

[TerranC]

One way of building social/ self confidence is through physical contact. I'm not suggesting you go round hugging everyone but certain sports and activities can do wonders for your interaction with others.

Contact sports like judo/ karate/ rugby would be good but they aren't suitable for everyone so if you don't fancy that, consider a first aid course or dancing lessons. In these situations you have to be close to people in a neutral, instructive setting which really builds your confidence. There is no embarrassment involved because everyone understands that the contact is simply required.

This is a very good advice to follow; as many people I've met in Calgary are inclined towards sports and the like.

Also, try to get into sports/outdoors minded option classes; as almost any high school in the city will have them

Edit: Taera, on a side note, do you take ESL (English as a Second Language) Classes? If you don't, try taking up an ESL club. You'll find many people who'll understand you there, and you'll get to practice English.

[ May 22, 2003, 01:27: Message edited by: TerranC ]

[Erax]

Taera,

When I was 11 I moved to a different part of the country with my family. My first two years at the new school were definitely the worst period of my life. Later on I made some friends, but I had no luck with dating until I got into college (too shy, I could never think of anything to say to a girl). Here's some activities that helped me along the way :

- Martial arts (for 2 years)
- High school theatre (4 years)
- Pen-and-paper RPGs (started 20 years ago, still haven't stopped)

None of these activities seemed interesting at first, but they gave me some badly needed self-confidence and allowed me to meet people and make some friends. Pretty soon I was enjoying myself, I was still shy but it wasn't terminal any more.

There is a very important epilogue to this story. There was this girl in my class who was very attractive, but we probaly spoke less than 50 words to each other during high school. When we had our 10-year high school class reunion she said something to the effect that she really admired me back in those days. So it's possible we never talked because she thought she had nothing interesting to say to me! Is that ironic or what ?

My advice is similar to everyone else's, try different activities which will make you get out and meet people, even if they don't seem too interesting at first.

Physical activity is especially important at your age because it will give you an overall feeling of well-being, which other people can sense so it will also improve your social life (I wish someone had explained this to me in these terms, my parents wanted me to practice sports but they never got beyond the 'do it because it's good for you' line).

Don't be too hard on yourself. Making mistakes at your age is practically expected (this is something else I wish I had known before).

Edit: Work on your personal life and think less about politics. My personal experience is that people, especially adults, will not listen to what you have to say about politics / economics / religion until you are 30, even if you have been saying the same things since you were 16.

[ May 22, 2003, 02:07: Message edited by: Erax ]

[Taera]

and again, good advice.
and apparently the very fact that i posted it here helped me, surprising me quite a bit.

for one thing im now trying to maintain a positive attitude, doing 'positive' things - like saying hi to neighbours i dont even know or thanks to a bus driver - things i dont usually do.

it all narrows down to physical activities and i agree that this is important. i, though, have never been active in that area - it simply wasnt the trend in israel -- soccer was but THIS soccer.. no thanks (big, dumb, strong were all the products of this sport. no exceptions. almost.) it is a change in my life that is yet to come but i hope it will.

Re:ESL - i took ESL first few months, as my guidance councellor insisted. was a laugh, i practically did nothing there. my speaking skills are getting generally better with time because i dont speak russian a lot in school and none of hebrew. considering my hebrew experience ill never become absolutely fluent in english but im getting better. and after all, people find my accent amusing which is just fine

Re: school activities - im aiming for high-grades and good university. i also only have 2 high-school years instead of three. im missing all phys.ed classes in Canada because i simply do not have space for them -- i have only one subject choice, in the end of grade 12 - and i want psychology there always enjoyed psychology...

Re: Church - not a religious person, plus russian-orthodox christianity background. do not go to church, at all.

Re: politics - hehe, i dont care about politics... just some general views on some aspects of life. but your right