Ye New Galactic Bar & Grill & Phong's Head Cantina - After Hours - Page 218

David E. Gervais · #**2171** January 13th, 2003, 01:04 AM

I was gonna say Valvoleen, but thought you mught mistake that for Vaseline!

If you like an easy to use lubricant how about WD40 it cleans and lubricates and comes in a nice spray can with a long thin nozzel to get into the hard to reach places!

Growltigger · #**2172** January 13th, 2003, 11:05 AM

Growltigga is slightly unnerved at the sensation he is getting from his troUsers after using Rags' testicular regeneration device!! he sidles off to the office and takes a peek... oh my god, Rag's device was obviously set on maximum or something as GT's testicles are now the size of bowling balls and making it hard to walk....

what will our ferocious furry feline hero do now? where is Rags when you need him...

HEEELLLLPPPPPPPP

Kamog · #**2173** January 13th, 2003, 11:22 AM

1. Don't sit down.
2. Don't ride any bikes.
3. Don't scare away the FBW's.
4. Try taking an extra cold shower, or bathe in an icy river.
5. Go somewhere where it's snowing and stand in the cold for an hour.
6. Find Rags' device, adjust the dial to a lower setting and push the button.

Growltigger · #**2174** January 13th, 2003, 12:54 PM

"Cheers Kamog" says Growltigga, currently sitting in a large bath of imported glacier water which is being kept at sub-zero temperatures by the FBW's..... "the problem I am encountering now is that my plums appear to be growing, in fact my happy sacks are getting unfeasibly large and trying to sit down is like riding a space hopper" - the FBWs and even the Kylie clone have vetoed me going anywhere near them as any application of my lovepump is liable to cause a structural breach to the cantina... ooh aah me plums are really stinging...."

Where is that dratted Rags and his testicle enlargement device when you need them????

HELLPPPPPPPPP as the bath water proceeds to steam......

dogscoff · #**2175** January 13th, 2003, 01:53 PM

Desperate to make amends before GT is back on form, Dogscoff tries ot think of a suitable tribute. Trouble is, what do you get the Kat who has everything? He already has all the FBWs and female celebrity clones he could ask for, he has his own brewery so booze won't go down too well, I'll have to appeal to his megalomaniacal side. He already has at least one army, so I can only think of one thing to out-do that.

By means of some prudent bribery, extortion and assasination, I've managed to get you something really special 'Tig: I've manged to secure for you a guaranteed winning ticket for this week's Big Red Button Lottery Draw.

Use it wisely, and enjoy.

*Knowing how 'Tigga's mind works, Dogscoff decides to stay away from any potential Big Red Button targets for a while...

David E. Gervais · #**2176** January 13th, 2003, 04:35 PM

Ahem, the idea is NOT to pop them, just release some of the pressure!.. and when done right you will hear a prolonged hisssssssing noise, not a loud pop! I sure hope you don't suffer the agony of the pop the whole pop and nothing but the pop!

Cheers!

dogscoff · #**2177** January 13th, 2003, 04:43 PM

*dogscoff really doesn't want to see this. He downs 2 bottles of ouzo and immediately passes out under a table, thus rendered blissfully unaware of the impending groinal catastrophe.

With a bit of luck I'll wake up just too late to help with the clearing up.

Growltigger · #**2178** January 13th, 2003, 05:47 PM

The cantina goes quiet, an ethereal drumroll resounds around the cantina and a variety of faces peer over hastily dislodged tables at the sight of the mighty kat holding a knitting needle in the direction of his oversized happy sacks...

The needle is applied, a vibrant hissing, as if from a very large anaconda, can be heard and the susurration of quite of lot of breaths, held in by the frightened patrons, being let out can be heard....

Oh my god, goes Growltigga, I am losing them, and with a bLast of actinic fire.. the unfeasibly stretched testicles explode, the cantina roof is rocketed up into the sky and all that can be heard is a feline voice, crying in the distance.....

OOOH MY PLUMS

dogscoff · #**2179** January 13th, 2003, 06:36 PM

*Dogscoff wakes up, abruptly. He grabs hold of his head as the hangover kicks in, then immediately grabs his nose instead.

What's that smell? Kind of like cat fur, but also like unwashed underpants and fish...

[ January 13, 2003, 16:38: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

Growltigger · #**2180** January 13th, 2003, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dogscoff:
but also like unwashed underpants and fish...

I am shocked Dogscoff, I will have you know that my underwear was fresh on everyday... you never know when you may get run over by a car and would die of shame if the doctors ever saw you in dirty trollies...

and as for the fish, well cats are famous for liking fish so what do you expect?

Ooh my poor aching exploded glands, my poor knackered knackers, my poor wobbely dangely ones