Ye New Galactic Bar & Grill & Phong's Head Cantina - After Hours - Page 242

primitive · #**2411** February 2nd, 2003, 02:49 AM

primitive enters the cantina together with his 2 gigantic Kylie clones after a long day of bullying milk-money from kids.
Looking like his old brutish self, except that his new arm and leg has a pinkish color, instead of his custumary gritty tan.

He sees a beautiful ( Egyptian ? Elfish ?) lady at the bar and walk over to her while the 2 gigantic Kylie-clones walks over to RDs table.

" Eeh lady."
" Yes." The stunning beauty looks coldly at the Barbarian.
" I hear you are interested in some protection."
" Maybe."
" Well, for just a tiny fee of a few thousand minerals a month, I can almost certainly guarantee that You will not experience what Mr. Deathstar is experiencing right now."

Over at RDs table, the 2 gigantic Kylie's are handeling out huge amounts of cartoon violence. Setting RD on fire, beating RD with with gigantic hammers, putting RD's fingers in the electrical outlet, and so on.

" But why are they doing that," asks the lady" Isn't RD their creator."
" He is, " answers the brute." But RD played a very cruel joke on them.
It's those golden hot-pants you see. They don't come off. When RD resized Kylie he also made the hot-pants an integrated part of the Kylie's bodies, and now they are terribly constipated."

"And you ?" The gorgeous lady ask the barbarian.
" I have to admit I was disappointed Last night, but the future is looking brighter by the minute."
primitive inces himself closer to the lady.
" Can I buy you a drink ?"

Meanwhile at RDs table.
His body caught in a gigantic mousetrap, and with smaller mousetraps on all his smaller appendixes, RD finally gives up and promises to fix the hot-pants problem free of charge.

Raging Deadstar · #**2412** February 2nd, 2003, 11:58 AM

*Raging Deadstar picks himself up and decides that he must do what he has to do. He orders the two Kylie clones to follow him and he takes them back to his ship. Primitive watches outside as he can see the windows lighting up in RD's ship, large grinding and hammer noises can be heard and eventually when the suns gone down Raging Deadstar returns. Flanked by two Talena Atfield and Jytt Hyden Clones (dressed in short black dresses and carrying lethal looking staffs) the two kylie clones walk over to primitive and link their arms under his.*

Hmm must have been a design flaw, they are fixed and they also have some new tricks, let me demonstrate!

*Primitive eyes widen in anticipation when he is promptly thrown to the ground and held down by the two kylie clones. Also Primitives giant 300 foot long genetically enhaced giant battlesquid wlaks over and holds primitive down*

"Ahh you didn't read the contract, when signing you gave your battlesquid over to me! I increased Kylies strength as well Mr Primitive Barbarian, now lets see how you like my friends, how will i put it, newly aquired flexibility?"

*The two Klie clones, with the aid of the 300 foot long genetically enhaced giant battlesquid begin to put Primitive in yoga positions, the cracking and popping of Primitives bones and joints can be heard around the cantina, but primitive as a barbarian should, holds back his tears and screams*

"Now my norweigan friend, lets see how you enjoy my two bodyguards methods of protection!"

*Talena and Jytt pull out a jumpstart lead and a portable electric powered whisk. In a censored scene Jytt attaches the jumpstart leads to Primitives nipples and Knocks on the thermonuclear generator. Primitive is electrocuted but still he refuses to scream or cry. So RD pulls out his Last idea. As The battlesquid and Kylie hold down the barbarian so he is bending over Talena sticks the electric whisk where the sun don't shine and knocks it on. The resulting scream can be heard around the surrounding area and Primitive shakes violently and cries. Seeing this Raging Deadstar lets primitive go and orders the two Kylie clones to take him upstairs and show him a good time. They carry the defeated Barbarian up the stairs along with some massage oil and some ointment for his behind*

Now go and "test drive" the new kylie clones out Primitive, and remember. "You must go and train with a wise master, paint a fence!"

F Te antKe · #**2413** February 2nd, 2003, 07:17 PM

primitive,

1) Don't decide what I am going to do
Correcting History > Barely glances at this thing
2) Don't speak for me, I have a voice and a superb vocabulary.
Correcting History >
"Eeh lady"
Actual Response > Total silence
" I hear you are interested in some protection."
More silence
" Well, for just a tiny fee of a few thousand minerals a month, I can almost certainly guarantee that You will not experience what Mr. Deathstar is experiencing right now."
Response > Disdainful bemused look,
Are you threatening me? Is that an ultimatum? If so it is a decidedly serious miscalculation.
" But why are they doing that," asks the lady" Isn't RD their creator."
Correcting history >
Actual Response > Total silence.
"primitive inces himself closer to the lady."
As you move closer a stiletto appears out of no where and is pointed at your heart.
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." True, but their pelts sell for a good price on a certain planet. Are you a weasel?
Looks up briefly as primitive is dragged away. Too bad, I was just getting to like him.
primitive, come on over and have a seat when you are done. I'm sure we will get along just fine.
I'll buy my own drink thanks.

Raging Deadstar · #**2414** February 2nd, 2003, 08:36 PM

*Raging Deadstar walks back in after giving Primitive a good old english beating. He walks over to the bar and orders himself a fizzy orange juice, being as he is a non-alcholic (

Gasp!) He also buys himself a brewski and pours it into a vial to feed his plants with, the plants he some day thought he would unleash on a handful of the government. He then notices a young woman by the bar, the likes of which hasn't happened since, well ever! Taking note from Primitives advances RD Smiles to himself and opens his mouth!*

"That was great how you handled Primitive. I laughed quite hard there. You said you've been lurking, how long for? Oh if you havn't been here often heres a card..."

*Raging Deadstar is promptly slammed against the bar with a stilleto aimed at his throat*

"(Choking sound)No I'm not trying to....chat you..up! Look on...the....back!(Yet more choking noises)"

*The young lady, or F Te antKe if she prefers turns the card over and reads it*

Rules Of the Cantina
1. Buy drinks on anyones but your tab
2. Insult Growltigga and prepare for a chase
3. Watch out for gryphin aka the Boston Sex fiend
4. For free Avatars, ask David Gervais
5. Cloaking Devices don't work in the Cantina
6. Don't say Onions, Carrots, in fact just don't mention vegetables
7. Cartoon Violence is a must
8. Don't play golf with flaming baguettes with abdul the villager (i'm guilty of this one)

"Theres plenty more but i can't remember them! Oh for the hilarious way you dealt with primitive i offer you a free clone of your choice. Anyone in the world and he/she/it is yours."

*Raging Deadstar waves good bye nursing his throat and heads for his dreadnought, there were some members of his molerat army that needed training*

primitive · #**2415** February 2nd, 2003, 09:34 PM

Primitive comes downstairs again after some hours absence. He has left the 2 Kylie clones and the battlesquid to sleep off their exhaustion.

This must be the best day of his life. RDs unorthodox treatment has cured his long-term backproblem, and the Kylies had been fantastic.

He only has one slight problem, his memory of his conversation with the beautiful lady is somewhat blury. There seems to be 2 Versions of their conversation (Could someone have used a temporal shifter on him?).

Never one to give up easy, primitive walks over to the Lady's table. The quick draw of a stilletto, makes it clear once and for all which Version of the conversation that's for real.

Well, at least I don't have to buy her drinks.

Raging Deadstar · #**2416** February 2nd, 2003, 10:16 PM

Hey primitive, glad to see your in order, though how an electric whisk up the rear back passage cures back pains i don't know! Lol

Buy a drink on my tab, but no expensive bottles of champagne please, i'm not falling for that trick again!

David E. Gervais · #**2417** February 2nd, 2003, 10:56 PM

..I walk into the Cantina and sit at my usual table next to the fake window with the fake rain that gently splashes on the glass creating a soothing sound. I quickly order an Ameretto di Sarono on the rocks and give the Kylie Clone waitress a generous tip... "Be careful, the full moon is fast approaching!"..

I notice a new face in the crowd, I believe I heard someone whisper her name.. 'F Te antKe' I raise my glass and nod in her direction thinking.. {..a woman who can hold her own in here and with an extensive vocabulary to boot!.. I like her already!}

I hand one of the Kylie clone waitresses a note to give to her.. it simply says.."Hi, if you'd like a nice new avatar pic, feel free to browse my emporium or put in a request. Cheers!"

..I lean back and relaxe my eyes exhale long and deeply and let the tension from a tiring day seep away.

Cheers!

[ February 02, 2003, 20:59: Message edited by: David Gervais ]

F Te antKe · #**2418** February 3rd, 2003, 02:09 AM

Primitive,
Please come on over and have a seat. I like the way you take a beating. It is very impressive. Don’t mind the stiletto. It won’t hurt you.
Takes the card from RD as he is slammed against the bar by an invisible force and a stiletto appears suddenly floating a millimeter from his throat. This is one weird place. Needless to say that is not something I did. No one here will ever post what I will do after I made it very clear to primitive,
“1) Don't decide what I am going to do”.

Thanks for the card RD. I had pretty much picked up on the “Rules of Engagement” for the Cantina.
About #3. Why?
As for number #7, It may be a must for you macho testosterone driven guys. You may ask primitive. My stiletto speaks for me.
No need to hurry off. Please have a seat.

Accepts the note from the Kylie clone waitresses > A lingering calculating gaze assesses the gentleman near the phau window > Inverts the note > Taking out the stiletto > Writes “Thank you for the generous offer. Please feel free to join me at this table. I won’t let these other entities interfere in your relaxation”.

Sends the note back to its origins and Orders a dry chardoney from Earth circa 1992 from the Kylie clone waitresses

David E. Gervais · #**2419** February 3rd, 2003, 04:17 AM

..after reading the note from FTeK I open up my portable portfolio and do a quick scan.. Satisfied with the results, I walk over to her table. "Hi TeK, it's good to meet you. Do you mind if I call you TeK?" while waiting for a response, I activate my portfolio and slide it over for inspection..

1042544770.gif
1042389371.gif
1041080604.gif
1040132512.gif
1040132533.gif
1040043313.gif

..these are the results of a quick scan of my avatar portfolio, if you see one you like just feel free to use it. (fyi the links above the pictures are in the same order that they are displayed below!) Perhaps you have a suggestion for a custom avatar? I'm usually pretty quick on the draw and get requests done in a matter of hours (minutes if I happen to be Online when you make the request!) "Can I buy you a drink? Or have you had your fill for the day?"

..I lean back in my chair,relax, and slip back into 'lurk mode'.. giving you a chance to browse the portfolio..

[ February 03, 2003, 02:20: Message edited by: David Gervais ]

Growltigger · #**2420** February 3rd, 2003, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Gryphin:
We have decided to accept Shania Twain's offer to move in with us.

Gryphin, that don't impress me much..

Hey everybody, there is some new blart in the cantina. Thank god for the fairer sex, an old misogynistic feline like myself was getting a bit tired at gazing at the rest of your faces....