Ye New Galactic Bar & Grill & Phong's Head Cantina - After Hours

[Power Man]

Thank You DG.
Boy what an entrance. I'll have to get Spork down here to meet you. With your taste in clothing and music you two would hit if off right away.

I think I will get some of those tribble wings. I hear tey taste a lot like chicken. I need to get something to get the metal dust taste out of my mouth. Besides I never did get to finnish my lettuse.

Power Man gets a double order of tribble wings with a large ale. He sits down by the small cantina model.
As he eats his wings ( RD they are VERY GOOD) he looks at the fine model. Now that the falls are running clean one can get close and look into the tiny windows.
Inside the model it looks much like the original Phong's Head Cantina as it was described so long ago (some 193 pages and 2800 replys). Too bad Power man did not get here earler. The small tent and portable bar is just not the same.

But wait... What is that tiny half seen shade I see flitting around inside the model????

[dogscoff]

*dogscoff strides into the temporary cantina. Well, I say strides... he's only a baby, so it's more of a waddle on little baby legs. Still, he looks pretty cool with a ceremonial silk nappy (diaper), swishy purple cape and big ceremonial hat. He orders a pint of breast milk before making his announcement. He is trailed by a crowd of adoring cult followers who cower and wail in his presence.

"I am Reborn" he announces. "Prostrate yourselves before me, for I am the holy one."
Everyone looks a bit bemused as he explains his new cult. He got the idea from S_J over at Plato's pub, and has decided to get himself a load of cash by exploiting cult-groupies.

It's simple really, it's called the Church of Divine Non-Intervention. The basic premise is that God created the entire universe and set events in motion, and hasn't done anything else in this universe since. It explains why God allows wars and plagues and famines to happen, because he's just not looking.

And since God's not looking, we can do whatever the hell we want to.

To prove this point, dogscoff boks Powerman across the back of the head with his holy sceptre and grabs lewdly at a passing Anna Kournikova clone. Quarian Rex grabs dogscoff by the throat in defence of his AK clone, but the little baby begins to cry and while QR is feeling guilty one of dogscoff's new disciples boots Rex in the groin.

Now, let us pray- just to prove that no-one's listening.

[Power Man]

Who let the Kids Out ?? WA WA WA WA.

I thought Minors were not allowed in the Cantina?
Now we have a mob of little children yelling in here.

The Quintet of Anna K's all run over to dogscoff.
"Oh what a cute little baby. Isn't he SWEET!! "
He's making the funniest baby sounds. It's almost as he is trying to tell us something.
OH he must need his nappy changed!!! He needs A BATH !!!!

The Anna K's sweep up dogscoff and take him outside to the model cantina. They they give him a much needed bath in the fountain. ( And it was finally running clean too.)

Power Man suggest they "Give the kid a tribble wing to chew on. Maybe that will Shut Him Up"

(By the way He is always watching. He is just Very Very sneeky.)

[Raging Deadstar]

*Raging Deadstar looks over from his table bemused by the little baby dogscoff and realises the terrible plan that he is beginning!!!*

*RD works over the details and realises that since dogscoff is a supposedly cute baby, and is dressed in a ridiculous ceremonial silk nappy (diaper), swishy purple cape and big ceremonial hat. This means that every self respecting female in the vicinity will fuss all over him, it's like moths to a flame, he's a bloody women magnet now!! Sure that means ugly women as well, but this is the cantina where said women are FBW's and celebrities. Sure he can't get "it" up at the age he is now and in a couple of years women will avoid him like the plague because he's a toddler but think. All the women will be drooling at the mouth to cuddle and pamper him, they join his cult and you lot won't have the fbw's to oggle and serve your drinks, now i don't mind fetching my own drink and i have my girlfriend at home to keep me happy, but the rest of you won't have such perks. Think...

Primitive: No FBW's to rub lotion over your body in the shower!

Quarian Rex: Your Anna clones will become obsessed with dogscoff, no attention for you!

Ragnarok & Powerman: No FBW's cleaverage to stare at as they lean over to serve your drink!

Mac: your liz hurley clones will no longer be interested in you, only dogscoff!

The future of the cantina is on your hands! Unless Growltigger returns from beyond the grave we must band together and fight this horrible threat to the good life we lead here!

OR

We admit defeat and join dogscoffs cult, less casualties, we'll be under control of an megalomanic baby from bournemouth and no doubt he'll keep the woemn locked away in the room his crib is in, and use them all the breast feeding. Also it wouldn't be as much fun as laying down a testosterone driven attack upon the young baby...

*Raging Deadstar whistles and calls for people to take up arms with him, a giant fat bastard clone from austin powers burst through the tent door and begins chasing dogscoff round the cantina, trying to eat him! RD's battle trained female bodyguards grab their bladed staff's and stand by either side of him, ready to fight to the death and a bunch of overweight yodelling leiderhosen clad belgians line up behind him! Let the battle begin...*

Yeah i'm such an antagonistic little...

[Power Man]

I don’t think we have to worry about dogscoff. Right now he thinks he is “Hot Stuff”. But like that earlier dancing baby on the internet he will get old very fast. The first 2 AM cry for “Breast milk” followed by a 2:30 AM cry for a new nappy will end even the Cute Quint’s infatuation with the little Brat.

As much as I would enjoy a good testosterone driven attack , launching such an attack on a group of little babies, even though one hit me with his rattle, is just too much.
Lets try this instead.

Seeing that the little Brat is about to be eaten by the fat bastard clone from austin powers
Power Man exclaims “OH God, don’t kill the baby !!”

At that the sky is darkened, a beam of light splits the tent.
A booming voice is heard “OK. I WILL SAVE THE LITTLE BRAT.”
A small nun with a very large hat flies in and grabs dogscoff from the clone.
She takes little dogscoff and flies up into the sky.
The beam of light snaps off, the tent is un-split and a hush falls over the cantina.
Dogscoffs little friends forget all about him and go out to play with the toy cantina. They make mud pies in the fountain. (That poor fountain)

The bunch of overweight yodelling leiderhosen clad Belgians see the Anna K clones and start wanting one each for them selves.

dogscoff finds himself in the custody of the orphanage of the Little Sisters of Devine Intervention. There he can coo and cry all he wants. The nuns there (cute or ugly who can tell in those habits) will give him all of the milk (cow) and nappies (cloth) he needs. Why there is even room there for all of his little friends. There doscoff will learn how to be “Good Little Boy” and never bother anyone again.

Have a Good Life little dogscoff. Remember “He is with you, Always”.
Also Remember When one prays He always listens. It is just that He doesn’t always Answer.

And you DG, stop being so antagonistic. Chill out. Why don’t you go Paint a Fence. ( I have one that needs painting.)

[mac5732]

Mac, while lounging in his chair at his table watches the shenanigans going on when all of a sudden a light breeze wafts thru the cantina tent... oh my.. snif, snif, D... Dogscoff I think you filled that diaper your wearing and need a changing, Mac yells as he turns colors, with tears runnning down his cheeks. "Someone take that baby Dogscoff into the inner sanctum and get him cleaned up""" as Mac ever so slowly passes out from the wafting odors carried downwind from the Scoff

sleeping like a baby Mac

[dogscoff]

*dogscoff soon settles into his life under the care of the nuns, but never forgets the wrongs committed against him. He soon senses the need to move on, and shortly afterwards the orphanage is burned down while all the occupants are away on a trip. All the children are moved on to the orphanage in the next town, which is run by the same order. All the children, that is, except one...

Due to a strange anomoly in the orphanage's records (almost as though someone had hacked into their computer, but why would anyone do such a thing?) dogscoff is re-homed with a slightly different group of nuns. The Sisters of Shrieking Plasma are a little-known order, dedicated to the teaching of God's word and pursuit of divine understanding through chastity, good works, devout prayer and breaking heads.

Mother Superior Mary Ballgrinder is on the convent's firing range when she receives a letter instructing her to collect a baby and bring it up in the ways of the lord. She shoulders her napalm-spreader, and interrupts one of the younger nuns who is in the middle of her morning weightlifting session. She sends the novice to pick up the youngster, then she offers a quick prayer and goes about ordering all the things they'll need to accomodate the infant and instruct him in the ways of the order: Nappies, milk, a cot, a baby sized grenade-launcher, some miniature automatic weapons and a teeny tiny cute little training-body for hand-to-hand combat and bayonet training.

*baby-dogscoff smiles to himself, hiding his cult's ceremonial robes under his bedding. Patience. Patience is all he needs and soon he will have everything he requires to exact his revenge.

[QuarianRex]

QuarianRex casually enjoys his beverage as he watches the recent spectacle. The arrival of the baby cult, the (temporary) desertion of his Anna K clones (heaven help the man who gets in the middle of those maternal instincts), the arrival of the fat cannibal, and then the apparently divine ascention of that messianic snottling.

Fascinating resolution. Glad that I didn't have to intervene. It wouldn't do to show my hand too early. No, that wouldn't do at all.

Now what's going on with that bunch of overweight yodelling leiderhosen clad Belgians? Are they trying to grope my Anna Quints? This should be interesting.

Ouch...Did ya have to hit him there?...oh...didn't see that coming...was that a squish?...he'll be walkin' funny...eww...that won't heal right...so much leiderhosen...Ohh the Humanity!

Well, it seems that the quints enhanced combat training was quite worth the cost. That'll teach those dirty Belgians not to grope what's not theirs. Now to dress the Quints up like naughty schoolgirls...heh-heh...

[Kamog]

A new cult? What does this cult believe in... oh, we can do whatever we want! Hey, I like that philosophy: no rules, no regulations forbidding us to do things, no requirements on what we have to do? Hey, but this Order of Shrieking Plasma sounds cool, too. You work out a lot and get tons of combat training! Becoming a highly trained super-warrior might be kind of fun.

[Raging Deadstar]

*Ponders to himself the idea about dogscoffs cult*

If we're allowed to do anything we want doesn't that mean that we don't have to worship you but still do what we want? So technically we don't HAVE to worship you!

*suggests that dogscoff puts a rule in saying all cult members must serve dogscoff faithfully and care for his every whim!*