Ye New Galactic Bar & Grill & Phong's Head Cantina - After Hours

[mottlee]

OK OK OK Just HOW IN THE HE** Did I get in this CLOCK?????

[dogscoff]

*Crazy dogscoff, now stripped down to a shamanstic loincloth, cavorts impishly on the bar. With a stamp of his feet Taz's fur turns purple. Crazy dogscoff bulges his eyes, wiggles his fingers and suddenly Powerman is shrunk to just 6 inches tall, trapped inside a pint glass.

Crazy Dogscoff howls with laughter and jumps up and down on the bar like an excited chimp. He stops, then does another peculiar little dance, this one culminating in him urintaing on the floor, carefully tracing out some arcane symbol of anarchy. As soon as this feat is concluded, a herd of stampeding buffalo sweeps into the tent. Crazy Dogscoff leaps from the bar onto the back of the nearest animal and is carried swiftly away with the migration, shrieking and gurning devilishly from atop his bovine steed...

[Atrocities]

NEWS YOU CAN USE

The complete second season of Babylon 5 will be released at the end of this month. Cost between $75.00 and $100.00.

Stargate SG:1 Complete Season 3 DVD will be released in June 2003. (About fricking time.)

Star Trek Nemesis is due out on May 20th in both Wide Screen and Standard.

[Raging Deadstar]

*Raging Deadstar smiles tom himself and begins to laugh outloud manicaly*

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! !

*Then he realises maybe he shouldn't be so joyful But as the Gay men move into torture him he catches the eye of a very familliar looking succubus. A beautiful women with long firey red hair, eyes that the very ocean blue would cascade from in a wave and a very nicely shaped figure. RD smiles to himself, this succubus will help him a lot, as this succubus is his girlfriend, whom being extremely evil and kinky, has some control over hell in her spare time. The only downside about this is Her dad is ruler of all Hell and absoloutely hates RD!! After wondering whether to leave her beloved boyfriend to suffer for a while she decides against it, and Raging Deadstar is transported to a nice bedroom, with the sweet soothing sounds of placebo playing and his girlfriend about to give him a welcome only she can offer! *hours later**

*Raging Deadstar strides back into the cantina and sneaks over to Ragnarok, who is enjoying a beer and laughing to himself. Suddenly a strong scented rag (no pun intended) is throw over his mouuth and after some struggling he passes out...*

*Ragnarok eventually comes through, weary eyed he feels drugged, that cloth must have been drenched in some sort of spirit! He looks around and is tied down. But theres something different about him, he feels extremely heavy, as if he has put on weight, for some reason his hair keeps coming over his eyes.
Wait, they weren't his thighs, they were to fat and large?
Why was he wearing a skirt?
Did he have breasts?
At this point a mirror comes down and Ragnarok screams, shame his vocal choards have been changed so it is a high woemns scream. Just then William Hague slips seductively through the door in a leopard skin thong, his bald head shining in the romantically lit room, it's only then he relaises he is anne widdecombe!!!*

And just for everyone else who might not know who anne widdecombe and william hague are heres a picture!



Widdecombe = Obese women in middle, Hague = bald man on the right!

Check Mate Ragamuffin!

[Ragnarok]

Doh! I knew I was forgetting something when I put you in the firey depths. I forgot that your girlfriend has partial control down there in her spare time.

Rags/Anne is still tied down being tortured by this Hague feller and he can't do nothing about it. Stuck in a womans body and can't do nothing about that either. Rags/Anne is truely in a awful situation. With a bald guy in a leopard skin man thong about to attack him; Rags/Anne has to think fast before it is too late. He decides that he is going to have to play this out to his advantage.

As the bald man continues to make his way in a suductive way over to Rags/Anne, Rags/Anne begins to speak, in a not so pleasant voice mind you. "Hey mister Hague, before you get over here why don't you untie me so I can get these clothes off."
Hague - "But I'll take care of that."
Rags/Anne - "No you won't. Trust me, this will make it more fun."
Hague - "Well in that cause let me get you untied."
The second the Last rope came off Rags/Anne kicked Hague a good one in the stomach. Rags/Anne then proceeded to run and jump on Hague, killing him in the process. "Hmmm, doesn't that just stink!" exclaims Rags/Anne. "I've got to get myself out of this horrible body!" thinks Rags. But before I do I have to do a few things.

Rags/Anne hires a person to go into the Cantina and claim to be a ship inspector that made a suprise visit to RDs ship. This person approached RD in the tent cantina while RD was laughing away and drinking his little glass of orange juice.
SI - "Mister RD?" (SI = Ship Inspector)
RD - "That's me."
SI - "My name is mister Soso and I'm with the suprise ship inspection company."
The second he said that a horrified look came across RDs face.
RD - "Ok, what'd you find then?"
SI - "Well, if you would come with us and we'll take a look together at what I found."

At that the two left and got on RDs ship and began looking at the problems they found. Before they got there, however, Rags/Anne took the liberty to drill a few holes in RDs ship floor to give something for the SI to look at.
On board the ship the SI had RD look into one of the drilled out holes and told him that there was some illigal drugs underneath the flooring. RD couldn't believe this so he decided to take a gander himself. RD layed down as flat as he could get so he could get his eye up against the floor to look into the hole. Still looking Rags/Anne came running into the ship, shaking the ground the whole way. RD looked in the direction he was coming from and there was no time to react. Rags/Anne jumped onto RD just about breaking every bone in his body. Rags/Anne continued to jump up and down on top of RD until RD could barely breath anymore. Rags/Anne then just sat on top of RD as it was worse then tieing him up.

That's what you get for making me a fat lady RD!
I'm afraid you missed the counter move you left open when you declared check-mate.

[Raging Deadstar]

*Ragaing Deadstar returns to the cantina extremely obese! Luckily Lieutenant Leyasu repaired his body and refitted some gadgets, most noticably the large lifelike sumo wrestling suit he was wearing. Rags has no time to react as the giant wobbling RD slams into her, sending her flying. The trick is that RAging Deadstar is now twice the body mass of Anne widdecombe and twice the size. Rags is slammed around the cantina from each thrust of Rd's chest (yeah, paints a very disturbing image ) Rags falls back and runs straight into RD and falls falt on the ground, thusly getting squashed and breaking almost every bone in her body. Then Raging Deadstar pulls out a pin and deflates the gigantic suit, very slowly so he doesn't fall for that trick and explode and doesn't blow away! Then with the huge excess of flabby skin he swings himself round slapping Raganrok with the force of an 18 wheeler truck with each slap of the flabby skin. WHOOSH SLAP, WHOOSH SLAP. Ragnarok falls over and is left defeated by Raging Deadstar who then gets out of the suit and buries raganrok with it. When ragnarok comes throuhg RD lifts him up and burries him in a coffin full of wallpaper paste. Rags splutters and tries to object but Raging Deadstar nails it shut, then puts it ina water filled metal box which he welds shut and loads it on board the ship and encases it in a fire prof shell. A couple of Minutes later. Ragnaroks box is fired from high velocity from a torpedo laucnher on a Anathema class battleship and RD watches as it burries itself 20ft underground! The cavern caves in and rags is left suffocating, he has mere hours before the paste hardens and he is encased in solid paste and is burried many ft under ground!*

Enguard!!!

[mottlee]

LOL You ALL have way too much time on your hands but hey I enjoy the HE** out of it

[dogscoff]

*Dogscoff, gibbering insanely in the corner, looks up from the arcane symbols he has been drawing on the floor in bbq sauce. He throws the tribble wing he had been using as a pen over his shoulder and stares intensley at Mottlee.

There is a disturbing look (and, if you can stand to hold his gaze long enough to see it, a faint but unearthly glow) in dogscoff's eyes. The accumulated wisdom of several lifetimes compacted into a few weeks and various occult energies acting upon in his soul during his various travels through the spiritual realm have left him utterly demented, but possessed of awesome magical powers which can be unleashed upon any crazed and random whim.

LOL You ALL have way too much time on your hands but hey I enjoy the HE** out of it

"Time? Time to go, time too slow, time flies when you're having fun. Heeheehihiheee...."

*dogscoff performs an unholy little dance, then giggles mischeviously and claps his hands together. Mottlee instantly blinks out of existence, much to the shock and amazement of onlookers.

*Mottlee immediately finds himself in a featureless grey limbo, with only the sound being an insane cackling, which soon fades to nothing:
"Time? Now you have time on your hands too... time on your feet, time on your mind, time in front and time behind, hihihheehhehehhhihi...."

[Power Man]

Power Man calls his ship. In a tiny voice he says “Spork beam me out of here.

The heard of buffalo dogscoff is with leave the tent. They Panic at the sight of Barry.
They immediately stampede toward the crater and they go over the edge.
Dogscoff and the buffalo he is on fall into the center of the crater, right in the lake of
Liquid Barry Poo that Taz flushed into the crater.

Dogscoff tries to get out but he is nearly drowned by the splashes of the other buffalo falling into the lake and also trying to get out.

Power Man gets to his ship. There he uses his matter in-larger ray to return him to his former size.

Now let me see what I can do to “help” dogscoff.
A few button pushes and one big lever throw later.

As Dogscoff struggles in the “Lake of Poo” the air above him shimmers.
A giant ACME PAPER WEIGHT 20 Tons, (or is that Tonnes for you in the UK?) appears over him.
With a giant SPASH ! it lands on dogscoff.
The weight and dogscoff sink into the bottom of the crater.
One Last bubble breaks the surface of the lake with a wet BLORT “

[Taz-in-Space]

...As the fat ladies fight and Dogscoff struggles to lift the 20 ton weight off him before the Lake of Poo congeals around him, Taz decides that purple is not really his color.

Fumbling around in his fur, he reaches the hidden zipper tab and with a flourish steps out of his purple fur! ( For all concerned, Taz is now wearing his usual brown fur.)

Ahhh, much better! Since Dogscoff was management of the old Cantina, Taz reluctantly decides he should help him.

Hmmm....

Reaching under the bar, Taz searches among the various equipment and supplies. Finding what he was searching for, Taz then tosses the round cylindrical object into the Lake of Poo.

The object floats down and settles beside the 20 ton weight.

There you go Dogscoff - A large can of spinach...
THINK POPEYE