OT: Advice....

[Renegade 13]

Slynky said:
Well, no one here can advise you perfectly. We/they can only make suggestions and give life examples. But, they may not pertain to you exactly.

So, without knowing a whole lot about the two of you, I can offer this:

(1) You are young. I suspect, being hasty, perhaps, that you might be more interested in the "thrill" of a sexual contact than just remaining friends. Having said that, I'll back it up with some wisdom (that the elder around here can most assuredly attest to)...that first year or two with your love is exciting but it will fade and the both of you will need to have friendship as your "anchor". Being married (or with) your best friend is about as good as it gets. Just ask anyone who has been with a girl for a long time (married or not). WHEN you can say, my girlfriend/wife is my best friend, you will most likely be about as happy as you can be. So, considering she is already a good friend, I'd say "go for it". But, choose your words carefully...which leads to item #2.

(2) As I said before, I don't know you two. Not sure what is between you two more than just a friendship. If it were me, I'd say something like: "I've known you for a long time. You're my best friend. I'd never want to do anything to hurt that connection we have. But, I have other feelings, too, and rather than let them be neglected, I thought it was important to see if you had any additional feelings as well. You see, it's hard in this world to find people that you feel might be your soulmate and it's stupid to pass up a chance to see it "this" is the one because you are scared. So, there it is! You can always count on this...that I will be your best friend regardless of how you feel about me and my words...because I care about your happiness and friendship."

Well, it might not be the exact words you would say but it's an example. All in all, I've found truth is the best thing to pursue.

Let us know what you do and how it turns out.

I would reply to this in more length, but I'm running out of time for the moment. So I'll simply say that I appreciate all the thought you've put into this reply, and thank you for the good example of what to do/say. I never would have thought of that particular approach myself!

[Renegade 13]

sachmo said:
Tell her you would like to take her on a date. Try to have a good time. Date for a while. THEN tell her about your feelings. If you play all of your cards up front, there is nothing to build on.

Sometimes the simplest approaches are the best, eh? I find myself agreeing with this approach a lot. Thanks so much for your wise words. But as mentioned above, I'm running out of time for now. Or else I'd write more

[PvK]

sachmo said:
...
My experience has been that if I try to tell a woman how I feel, I either end up screwing it up and looking like a psycho, or sounding like an idiot. I feel that in some instances, if I had just started with something low pressure like, "I want to go out with you" then the object of my affections would have an easy time of just saying yes or no, with no hard feelings. If I sat down and composed a love poem to her, and then asked her out at the end (like I've done), they usually run away screaming.

Yes, I've seen this happen from several perspectives before (from my own effort, to hearing about it happening to someone else from the girl herself), about six times that I can think of. The very best reaction to honest disclosure of strong feelings I've seen is polite, "sorry, no", and the worst was savage, "I hate you!!! Leave me alone!!! etc. etc." Success rate 0 for 6 tries. However it seems you _can_ say they made a great impression, and that can work well. You just can't let on that you already have strong feelings, because girls tend not to understand that, and not to want it until they've been going out with the guy for a while.

[Slynky]

No need to reply, R-13 (I like that name...LOL). I know you are rushed for time. BUT, don't rush into anything.

I will share THIS about girls/women as I understand it.

Men/guys think more about sex...women/girls think more about feelings (etc.). I'll explain it with this example:

3 girls ring your doorbell and when you answer it, you see them in bikinis and they ask if you want to party all night. Typical answer for the single guy? "COME IN!"

BUT, 3 guys dressed in tight speedos ring the doorbell of a girls house and say the same thing...the girl is most likely to slam the door.

That's the difference between guys and girls.

So, girls will (usually) treasure feelings more than sex. So...this is not to say girls don't have sexual feelings...it's just that they usually need to feel something special for the guy. Otherwise, there'd be as many male prostitutes trying to satisfy the "female need" for sex...LOL.

[President_Elect_Shang]

Um, I think your statement needs a little more clarification Slynky. Ladies don’t think about having sex with strangers as much as men. In my experience girls like sex just as much as guys they just have more restraint. After ten years with my wife our sex life is still strong. I still find her very appealing but any guy who has been married will tell you that the appeal for his wife will drop off (sometimes a little others a lot) after a few years. If my wife is any indication ladies keep the desire level up year after year. Either that or I am just THE MAN!

Anyway R13 I stick with what I said, tell her but don’t put it in a manner were it sounds like you are actively (stress on actively) looking for more. Respect her and let her make the choice.

[Slynky]

President_Elect_Shang said:
Um, I think your statement needs a little more clarification Slynky. Ladies don’t think about having sex with strangers as much as men. In my experience girls like sex just as much as guys they just have more restraint.

Not sure we can chalk it up to restraint. While I will readily agree that there are some women who will meet a guy, decide they like him and that he is sexy (and take off for a night of fun), ON AVERAGE, females usually need to have a bit more "attachment" to someone. Hence, as I stated, the reason there is more of a demand for female prostitutes than male ones.

And no argument about how much females like sex (I'd just say it is usually with someone they have a "connection" to). As my Grandpa used to tell me (grin), "Son, let me tell you about marriage. That thing is there when you want it and it's there when you don't want it."

[bearclaw]

Heard a quote once that sums it up nicely.
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."

[President_Elect_Shang]

Slynky said:That thing is there when you want it and it's there when you don't want it."

Wise man, I like him already!