Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave - Page 32

Katchoo · #**311** June 3rd, 2003, 05:49 AM

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Kamog · #**312** June 3rd, 2003, 06:23 AM

Uh-oh, did somebody mention the o-word in the ingredients of Dave's Insanity Sauce?

Kamog goes to Ten Forward to try some of the hot sauce on tribble wings...

Growltigger · #**313** June 3rd, 2003, 09:38 AM

Awooga Awooga Awooga Awoooga

The proximity alarm screams as the Captain runs from his ready room onto the bridge.

Shields up, charge phaser banks, go to red alert. Mr Power Man report.

Captain, out of nowhere, a large number of asteroid side vegetables have appeared in space right in front of us. I suspect someone mentioned the "o-word" aboard the ship....

Mr Power Man, launch photon torpedoes and destroy those vegetables...

and can someone tell me why I heard a banjo sounding from the sick bay, and our doctor saying "dammit, I'm a doctor, not an inbreeding specialist"

Erax · #**314** June 3rd, 2003, 03:51 PM

"Chief Engineer Erax, who is your loyalty to? I also want access codes to Jean Luc Le Grand Chats log, i believe you have something that could help me?And is it true you're having an affair with Kamog down here...? "

Erax valiantly tries to resist, although the flashing lights are worse than the time he turned on Katchoo's disco simulation in the Holodeck by mistake. In desperation, he concentrates on the first thing he can think of.

"If we... integrate dee-theta from zero to theta... that is equal to MCp over UA times dt over T minus t... integrated from t1 to t2... which comes out to... theta equals..."

The flashing lights grow dim and then go off. Erax has put the probe droid to sleep ! He tries to drag the chair he is tied to, but it's bolted in place. Fortunately, the droid forgot to remove the tools from his back pockets. A few minutes of sawing at his bonds with a pocket knife and he is free. He quickly stabs the intercom.

"Engineering to Bridge, we have an intruder aboard ! Send security doon here immediately !"

Not wanting to be around when the red-shirt ensigns arrive and start shooting, Erax quickly leaves Engineering.

[ June 06, 2003, 15:00: Message edited by: Chief Engineer Erax ]

Growltigger · #**315** June 3rd, 2003, 05:04 PM

Captain to Erax, my nastiest, most vicious, evil minded sadistic violent and extremely attractive Liv Tyler clone space marines are on their way down...

Each of them is wearing a very tight red shirt indeed!

I would stay and enjoy the view if I were you.

PS but actually, if YOU ARE having an affair with Kamog down there, please dont hang around - leave's more red blooded totty for us real men

[ June 03, 2003, 16:08: Message edited by: Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat ]

Erax · #**316** June 3rd, 2003, 06:05 PM

Acting on the Captain's advice, Erax hides behind a control panel, just as the probe droid begins to stir. It gets up and begins to scan the area just as the space marine squad arrives. Having been discovered, it sprouts several arms, each of them equipped with a different deadly-looking weapon.

The Liv Tyler clone space marines quickly damage, disable and dismantle the droid with a series of awesome space karate, space kung fu and space aikido moves.

Erax downloads the whole scene (filmed from several angles) from the security camera network into an engineering tricorder and leaves via a side exit.

"Engineering to Ten Forward. Lieutenant Kamog, there's some cleanup work fer you doon here. I'll be wi' ye later, I have, um, some things to take care of."

Growltigger · #**317** June 3rd, 2003, 06:49 PM

So Chief Engineer Erax, I think the crew of the TSSS Phong's HEad have the right to know whether or not it is true that you and Kamog have been, ahem, having a few "intimate moments" together.....

Damn, we are being distracted from the prime mission which is to recover Mr S'Katchoo's brain (awww, wont a butternut squash from Taz's kitchen due the same thing?)..

Captain to Mr Power Man, if you have finished vapourises those vegetables, please set a course to chase that alien ship at warp 9.

Captain Slog, stardate 17.51 GMT - I must catch up and subdue that alien ship. No alien must be allowed to board a Galactic Federation Starship and steal the organs of its senior officers. And anyway, no good looking peice of tail should be able to get on this ship without least one of us getting hot and sweaty with it! if Starfleet find out about this, we will be the laughing stock of the fleet!

Erax · #**318** June 3rd, 2003, 09:26 PM

So Chief Engineer Erax, I think the crew of the TSSS Phong's HEad have the right to know whether or not it is true that you and Kamog have been, ahem, having a few "intimate moments" together.....

No, Cap'n, my only love is this ship, I could never betray her (although that alien ship with the ion drives looks veeery tempting).

[ June 06, 2003, 14:59: Message edited by: Chief Engineer Erax ]

Raging Deadstar · #**319** June 3rd, 2003, 09:30 PM

*Luckily the 4 other probe droids had attached themselves to the ships hull and now one of them is destroyed another one comes Online. It sprouts 2 mechanical arms and begins to search the ship for an entrance. It finds one of the few holes left by the boarding party and after much hassle burns through the duc tape, it seems that kamog has neglected his duties for some reason!

The probe droid quickly hooks himself up to the computer with some footage from the engineering department. It comes up on the main viewer on the bridge with some cheesy music you usually find in porn flicks and a big title comes up. Erax and Kamog... The Truth. The crew watch on in horror as two people who look like erax and kamog get intimate with each other and Jean Luc turns it off less than 1/4 way through in disgust. Is this an altered fake designed by deadstar intelligence to cause mutiny, or was it stolen from the ships cctv camera system.... an official investigation must be "mounted" *

Power Man · #**320** June 3rd, 2003, 09:58 PM

Power Man dodges the large number of asteroid size vegetables �lean left, Right, Left�.
With phasers set to �Chop and Dice� the massive orbs are cut into nice size chunks.
Two of the cold storage cargo bays are filled with the chopped On- er vegetables.
�This will keep Taz in tribble wing sauce for a Long Time.�

Captain: I have tracked the alien ship to a rough, frozen world in the Sigma Draconis star system. It must have landed because I cannot detect it any more.

Scanners are not picking up any signs of advanced civilization on the surface. The world seems to be a deep Ice Age.
I have detected some ruins on the surface.
We are now in orbit over the ruins. I can detect only limited life. (After all Mr S'Katchoo is the science officer. Not me.)

Captain: I seem to be getting a strange reading from something just outside of the ship. I will need to do a surface scan to determine what it might be.
Captain� Captain�.? What are you looking at on the main screen?
OOOOh AAAAH EccccK!! What are erax and kamog doing to each other???

So that�s were kamog went.