Ye Olde Phong's Head Cantina and Bierkeller - The rebirth - Page 33

Growltigger · #**321** November 18th, 2003, 02:50 AM

OH MY GODDDD, it shouldn't happen to a cat.

I have just been mooned by two people who have absolutely no idea what the concept of bottomly hygiene means!

I mean really, Gryphin's back passage is like a sludge pit, a gaping cess pool that looks like one of those sticky toffee puddings you used to get given at school. It really is the jaws of hell - yuk, and as for the stench?!!!

I mean, you would have thought that a purveyor of the "Gryphin position" would know that airtex Y fronts are meant to be changed at least once a month, and not left to harden until they need remving with a blow torch and a welding gun.

YYUK

and as for Mac's fudge tunnel, you would have thought that the colostomy bag would stop a lot of problems there, but rather than cobwebs, we have a gaping pit of bottomly doom!!!!! rectum? too damn right after seeing that aging withered knackered old ring piece. His backside looks like a bloody pizza, one with extra anchovies and bits of pineapple (I dont want to even know what they are!!)

I swear I saw Amelia Earhart, Buster Crabbe and Lord Lucan waving at me from there

I am frankly scared to assault either of the filthy swine with the red hot poker handcannon as the methane gasses obviously evident in their back passages could lead to a violent catastrophic explosion...

and shouldn't someone tell them that underwear should be laundered occassionally, and not held together by funny yellow marks and stubborn understains...

Growltigga leaves the cantina and sounds of violent puking can be heard

Yuk

[ November 17, 2003, 12:52: Message edited by: Growltigger ]

mac5732 · #**322** November 18th, 2003, 05:21 AM

CNC, sorry havn't tried it, but will ck with my 2 sons

just some ideas Mac

Narratio · #**323** November 18th, 2003, 05:29 AM

Narratio, a new comer to the bar sits nursing his beer (it's an orphan... poor thing).

"Bartender! A refill here if you would, and get a dozen fresh humans for the horde of Aliens in the corner would you. Oh, and do you know the number of the Customs and Immigration boys? I think some of those Aliens are lacking in Green Cards."

dogscoff · #**324** November 18th, 2003, 11:52 AM

Quote:

Horde of aliens ... Customs and Immigration ... Green cards

* A gang of C&I officers enter the room and set about the Giegeresque gaggle with rubber gloves and probing devices. What follows can only be described as... messy.

*Meanwhile, on a fairly-close by beach where the horrendous screams and hissing of the forementioned event are but a mere whisper above the roaring of the ocean, dogscoff awakes to the smell of roasting meat. He's gone and passed out with his face in the embers of the campfire again.

'Ugh... ouch... why is everything green? Bloody absynthe, never again I swear. I need some breakfast... and a skin graft.'

Dazed, confused and still seeing everything through a chemically-induced green filter, he staggers back toward the Cantina in search of Tribble wings, antiseptic cream and maybe a small shot of absynthe to smooth out some of the rough edges.

Gryphin · #**325** November 19th, 2003, 02:38 AM

Walks in having been through the Reffresher unit. Hears the sound of the kat retching. I wonder what caused that.
Checks in with mac
how ya been Doc?
Really, don't tell me my evil discusting twin was here? Ugly was it? ewwww. I can imagine. Our mama tryed to teach him better but her pleadings he dnyed, that leaves only him to blame casuse mama tried.

Too bad I did't think of it. Would have been fun to moon the old 1kitty. Must be ruogh being a daddy though I would thnk father hood would have prepared him for my evil twin
Oh well,
< bends over :: moons mac with my spotlessly clean cheaks >

Growltigger · #**326** November 19th, 2003, 05:11 PM

"Ooohhh" cries Growltigga as he is subject to another violent spasm of vomiting, "your cheeks may be sparkling clean (if spotty, hairy and crinkled like sandpaper), but your back passage is full of tagnuts, whinnets and hairy crusty bits which is just puke-inducing.

And as for the Eye of Set winking at me, YURRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKK, huck huck a hucka hucka buick buick buick buick"

Growltigga continues throwing up the contents of the world in the corner.

Note to self: new rule in wrecked cantina - anyone flashing the "eye" is Banned for life

mac5732 · #**327** November 19th, 2003, 06:15 PM

I have done some research into this phenom of "mooning" at the University of Alogramis Cheeks. It appears that this custom started sometime back in ancient times, exact date unknown, but does appear in many records handed down thru the ages. It began as a sensual act and was considered most sexual in nature. It was usually done in pagan rites during a full moon, thus the term "mooning". It was also used in battle among the more civilized tribes and was used as a weapon against their opponents. The process was that before a battle, the army would indulge in a horrendus orgy of gluttony of various concoctions. On the following morning as the enemy advanced, they would lift their kilts/drop drawers, turn around, bend over and then at the order, produce an extreme amount of methane which was aimed toward their foe. Of course this depended on the wind at the time. Alas, sometimes when the wind was wrong, the army would have to withhold their combustional attack, which in turn made for a very "long" day. There are documented facts concerning this, where whole armies disintegrated just due to wind change. The concept is forthright and interesting as to the varius aspects of mooning in ancient times to the present. Further research shall enhance many many hours of study, however, Due to other commitments I shall have to put it off as I have other pressing research projects to complete.

The 2 moons over the British Isles as illustrated by the most recent expose, have been heralded by many as the shining light upon the waters. It apparently has been mentioned as a form of artistic expression and many photographs of the moons have been taken and have been sent to the Furry Feline to adorn his established residence, so he may fully capture the true essance. I understand that some photos have been encrusted with a tinge of lamperous settings to make them seem alive for the beholder.

just some ideas mac

Growltigger · #**328** November 19th, 2003, 06:39 PM

Cue even more horrible sounds of vomiting from the great cat.

Not fair, not fair, at no time have I resorted to showing Gryphin and Mac my rectum, or any other person's bottom that wasn't nice and peachlike like those of the FBW's.

As for pictures of the bottoms in question, you can stick them up your, ahem, back passage.

Revenge will be sweet, and will most definately involve a deoderiser

Gryphin · #**329** November 19th, 2003, 07:54 PM

Realizing the cat is still in dire straights
Rapidly assessing the situation.
Clearly he has been infected with a hallucinogenic virus that causes him to see his worse nightmares.
Reaching into nowhere I pull out a syringe firing pistol
Whossh
The great cat is now vaccinated and will recover in 2 seconds. Undoubtedly he will be grateful to me for assisting in his recovery and will bestow upon me unlimited free drinks for mac and me. It helps that it was part of the cure I programmed in along with knowledge of how to do the Gryphin Position

Growltigger · #**330** November 20th, 2003, 01:44 PM

Hmmm, strangley enough I feel better, and I seem to have developed a whole new level of understanding of the carnal acts!!

But worryingly, the recent torrent of bottoms being flashed at me seems to have steered my normal manly genes toward fancying blokes.

In fact, I have never realised how attractive old Gryphin is, may be I should give him a big wet kiss on the backside. That moustache is rather cute.

Come here you little cutie you!