Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave

[Taz-in-Space]

The transporter room briefly becomes a trifle breazy as a minature whirlwind spins into view.
Suddenly the whirlwind resolves itself into - the Taz.

Taz is wearing - well, his usual fur...

And he is armed with - His usual 6 inch fangs and (if necessary) a temperment that would make a crazed wounded rhino seem positively mellow.

He is also carrying a sachel loaded with various ACME gadgets and his favorite noise maker: an antique .50 cal gold-plated Desert Eagle Revolver. (He just loves the 'booming' sound it makes! )

"Taz reporting duty, Captain!"

[Growltigger]

Captain Slog, stardate 08.54 GMT, my brave away party are assembled in the transporter room. It does my heart proud to see the chaps standing there ready for anything and as focussed as a kittne in a feather factory. Whatever happens to us on the planet, I know that the honor of the Galactic Federation will be upheld. I am impressed at their ingenuity, my engineer has even bought a bunch of flowers in case the mysterious young totty who stole S'Katchoo's brain can be wooed that way. Nice touch..

Mr Transporter operator, beam us down.

The away team appear on a frozen, miserable looking rocky landscape, half in shadow and looking as forlorn as the Last puppy in the shop window.

Mr Power Man, please give us bearing to those life signs you discovered earlier on. Commander Dogscoff, please take tricorder readings of our immediate surroundings.

Mr Power Man, please ensure that the TSSS Phong's Head is at red aler and is ready for full planetary assault mode. I want a phaser strike on a second's notice should any horrible vanesa feltz clone thingies turn up...

[dogscoff]

*dogscoff, a trifle twitchy after staying awake all week with the aid of various stimulants in order to watch the four "alien" films back-to-back 16 times in a row, clamps a cigar in his teeth and takes some tricorder readings.

"Another goddamn bughunt..."

[ June 06, 2003, 09:19: Message edited by: dogscoff ]

[Growltigger]

The Captain fires up "Bertha" and lets loose a torrent of plasma bolts and whatever was moving...

"Yeee hawwwwww, eat hot plasma you muthersucking alien scum, this'll hurt, yeehawwwwwwwwwwwww"

[Erax]

Erax hits the deck, just in case 'all directions' means what I think it does.

He opens one of his pockets and pulls out a motion detector.

"Cap'n, whatever it was, it's stopped moving."

[ June 06, 2003, 15:09: Message edited by: Chief Engineer Erax ]

[dogscoff]

*dogscoff, breathing heavily, takes his finger off the trigger and allows the gun to spin down. The long barrel pings quietly as it cools.

Oh, I feel better for that. And it only cost us 3 ammo crates and a half-dozen redshirts. Let's get on with this mission shall we? Tricorder readings indicate a society of dirt-tech humanoids living on the surface, why don't we go see if they'll sell all their womenfolk in exchange for a bag of cheap pLastic jewelry and a nintendo gameboy.

Erax, have the crew back on the ship prepare the turbo-showers.

[Raging Deadstar]

*Deep down in a science lab on the said planet an evil looking scientist marvels at his creation. There were 10 of them, all looking like black Versions wof the bluey alien off farscape just with large claws and fangs to rival taz's. The strange thing about this female aliens are they also have 6 breasts and male wedding tackle . He smiles, inspecting them all maybe a bit too closely (the deadstar continuum dosen't really question our scientists turn ons, it would take piles of paperwork and thousands in therapist bills)They all smile seductively when a voice comes over the intercom.*

"Doctor, we have a reported sighting of Galactic federation away teams on the planet. We need your most evil, beastly, rabid creatures you can find to attack them!"

*The scientist begins to cry thinking about sending his beloved "beauties" to their deaths. He equips them with a couple of machine plasma rail guns and tosses them a few pulse grenades. To get them in the mood to kill he quickly brings up his dossier on Jean Luc le Grand Chat...*

"This...Cat thingy....*sob* *sniff* Killed your mother!!! But not before raping her and using her as a sex toy!!! Ummm *sob* *sniff* Anything he says is a lie and you must exterminate with extreme prejiduce and pleasure!"

*The creatures, non too bright, believe him and storm out the room leaving the scientist to cry over a lack of "bizarre pleasure" for the night before him...*

Ok guys, to keep Ratings up heres a bunch of evil aliens to kill. Although i think one of them has a thing for Kamog after seeing the flowers. Will Erax be jealous? what will he do? read the next post!

[Growltigger]

Oh goody, we are playing space marines..

Look alive people, this is hostile territory and I want everybody watching each other's back at all times. Remember your training everybody and if you see any tentacled monstrousities, I expect you to blow them away before you ask questions..

Growltigga puts on his forage cap, spits on the floor and cocks his gun...

Right, Mr Dogscoff, tell us where we need to go so those alien bastards can come get some!

[dogscoff]

*Suddenly, dogscoff sees -or maybe hallucinates- something moving from the corner of his eye. He immediately starts indiscriminately spraying bullets and harsh language in all directions.

"GET SOME! GET SOME! GET SOME!"

[Taz-in-Space]

Taz, due to his keen tasmanian hearing, is the first to note the charging alien women(?). He quickly takes in the formation that these creatures have assumed for the attack:

-> * * * *
--> * * *
---> * *
----> *

----> T

Looks like a good time for TAZ BOWLING!!

With a roar Taz spins madly and hits the formation head-on...

As the dust settles, Taz notes that he left a 7-10 split.

-> * . . *

Oh well, 8 out of ten isn't bad!

Heads up Kamog, I think one of those Last two is coming for some flowers!!

[ June 07, 2003, 03:49: Message edited by: Taz-in-Space ]