Bar Trek: The Next Generation. Episode 4: Sore Leave - Page 37

Kamog · #**361** June 15th, 2003, 07:27 AM

"We have to stay focused on our mission! Everyone, remember we are here to recover Mr. S'Katchoo's brain! Our duty is to -..."

At that moment, across on the other side of the fountain, Kamog catches a glimpse of the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. Kamog is tranfixed. She turns her face towards the door, and their eyes meet. It was like magic. Suddenly, time stood still. Mission, duty, responsibility - all these things faded away. The only thing that mattered was to be with her - and deep inside he knew it that it was right, that it was meant to be. The room, the other crewmembers, and everything else became a formless blur, as Kamog walked towards her, as if in a trance.

A thousand visions flash in Kamog's mind: romantic candlelight dinners, hiking in the mountains with her, going shopping together, quiet moonlit walks in the park, the wedding day, their first baby...

Looking into her eyes, Kamog hands her the bouquet of flowers, as she smiles radiantly. "I have been waiting a long time for you", she says, "and I have found you, and I will never let you go."

dogscoff · #**362** June 15th, 2003, 02:13 PM

*dogscoff, transfixed by the beauteous creatures before him, tries to resist. Somehow, he summons up the will power required to smash himself repeatedly in the groin with the butt of his flamethrower.

When he recovers consciousness he finds himself in a considerably less amourous mood and therefore temporarily immune to the enemy's allure. His plan succeeded, he proceeds to assist the rest of the away team in the same fashion.

Raging Deadstar · #**363** June 15th, 2003, 04:02 PM

*Senator Deadstar watches on through the security camera, wincing with every blow dogscoff delivers to his groin. He watches intrigued as Jean luc Le Grand Chat moves in, holding the kylie clone in his arms and about to whisk her to the "private back room" when dogscoff appears and painfully hobbles over before ramming Jean Luc in the testes with the butt of his flamethrower repeatedly. Jean Luc can be heard shouting obscenities in a high pitched squeal*

Personally i think thats a breach of protocal, I know i wouldn't let my first officer ram me with the butt of a flamethrower in my happysacks, unless it was absoloutly, unavoidably nessercary!

Anyway you have 38 Posts to find s'katchoos brain, surely enough time for the Captain to have his way with the clone. Boy are you in for it now Dogscoff

*Suddenly the amorous beauties begin pulling phasers and bLasters out from under the silk duvets that line the floor and aim at the away team!*

"Captain Jean Le Grand Chat, you will surrender yourself and your team and drop your weapons. You are now priosners of out exalted empire!"

Kamog · #**364** June 16th, 2003, 12:10 AM

Kamog is sitting with his girl by the fountain... he pulls her closer... just as they are about to kiss - *WHACK!!* Dogscoff unexpectedly comes up from behind and smashes Kamog in the groin with his flamethrower. From the force of the blow, Kamog bonks his head onto the girl's face, knocking her onto the tiled floor. There is a big splash as Dogscoff hits him again: Kamog falls into the fountain, his face contorted in pain.

Kamog drags himself out of the water and struggles to his feet with great difficulty. He can barely stand up. Then he peeks inside his pants to check his bruises - it looks bad.
"Commander! Sir, I must protest! - "

Next thing he knows, he's looking down the barrels of several bLasters held by scantily-clad females. Uh-oh, what's going on?

Erax · #**365** June 16th, 2003, 02:53 AM

Erax took a wrong turn somewhere, went straight past the harem and ended up in the Medical Lab and Brain Storage Area. He looks around and finds what appears to be some kind of life support device hooked up to a supercomputer.

"Erax to Power Man. Looks like I've found Mr. S'Katchoo's brain, could you please send his body down, together with Dr. Geo ?"

Kamog · #**366** June 16th, 2003, 11:07 AM

Several girls, grinning evilly, walk right up to Kamog, holding their bLasters pointed directly at Kamog's head.

"OK, OK, I'll drop my weapon!" Kamog drops his phaser rifle to the floor. "But tell me one thing..."
"What?" asks one of the girls.
"Do you like... ONIONS?"

Suddenly, a large hatch flips opens up in the ceiling, releasing a gigantic pile of the vegetable. Kamog dives into the fountain, and the girls look up just in time to see a huge truckload of onions fall on their heads. Within seconds, the room is filled to shoulder-height with the vegetables. There are arms and some nice-looking legs randomly sticking up into the air, flailing, as the girls struggle from under the pile.

Kamog is bruised, as a particularly large onion bonks him in the head just as he comes up for a breath of air. In the confusion, however, Kamog manages to grab one of the girls, pull her out from beneath the vegetables, and drag her to the door on the other side of the room. Pulling her by the arm, Kamog runs down the hall and turns left - and arrives at the Medical Lab.

Running into the lab, Kamog sees Chief Engineer Erax. He also notices in the room a chair, and hanging above it is a metal helmet-looking device with many wires and antennae sticking out. There's a sign on the helmet that says "Teacher".

Kamog draws his samurai sword and points it at the girl. "All right. Tell me how this equipment works."

Girl: "You sit down and put on that helmet, and you can learn all sorts of things instantly... "
* She picks up some data crystal-looking things.*
"I'll be your operator... Now, we're supposed to start with these operational programs, but that's major boring stuff. Let's do something more fun. How about combat training... go ahead, put on the helmet."

Kamog: "Jujitsu? I don't need to learn jujitsu. I'm not putting on that weird helmet. Just tell me how you removed Mr. S'Katchoo's brain, and how we can put it back."

Growltigger · #**367** June 16th, 2003, 02:37 PM

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!

The underground bunker echoes to the wretched screams of Captain Jean Luc Le Grand Chat, nursing his nackered happy sacks and gazing wrathfully at Commander Dogscoff...

"oOOOoooOOOOOhhh are you going to get a medal for that heroic action, as well as a random kicking from parties unknown when we back to the Phong's HEad"

The Captain surveys the room, Kamog's excellent use of the "O word" has meant that beauties are concussed under a pile of O's...

Right chaps, no need to bLast this totty to kingdom come, Mr Power Man, beam these ladies to the brig, leave their weapons behind and pump them full of docility gas - we will save them for later, but dont beam up the young lady answering our questions about S'Katchoo's brain... I want to have a word with her...

OoooooOOOooh my nadgers, this shouldn't happen to a cat

Erax · #**368** June 16th, 2003, 03:45 PM

The Captain, Scoff and Taz limp along the underground corridor and join Erax and Kamog in the medical lab, where the two are questioning the girl.

"For the Last time... how did you remove Mr. S'Katchoo's brain ?"

"I don't know any Mr. Scotchoo ! Let me go !"

"Very well... Lieutenant Kamog, what are the ways in which a warp engine can be jump-started ?"

"Well, you can reroute the warp core distributor negative power coupling to the secondary dilithium array outlet, but first you have to disable the safety override by sending a signal through the lateral nacelle adjustment circuit, so that the computer will think the drive is on. Then you..."

The girl begins to go slack-eyed at this relentless stream of Trek technobabble and her head slumps forward.

"Ah, hello, Cap'n. We were using our interrogation techniques on this prisoner. You will find that she will now answer any of our questions."

[ June 16, 2003, 14:51: Message edited by: Chief Engineer Erax ]

Power Man · #**369** June 16th, 2003, 04:25 PM

Power Man beams just the beauteous creatures into the brig. He leaves behind all of their wepons and most of their costums. The brig is filled with a special blend of docility gas and Spanish Fly. This should make them Really Ready for the Captain's "questioning session."

The good Doctor has Mr. S'Katchoo ready to go. On Mr. S'Katchoo's head is a pretty little hat with lots of little blinking lights. The doctor has an old TV/VCR remote that he can use to tell Mr. S'Katchoo's body to go forward, rewind-er Back and a special everything else button.

Power Man beams the Doctor and Mr. S'Katchoo's body down to the away team.

"Good luck finding and replacing Mr. S'Katchoo's brain Guys"

"Captain, I would like to report that the SSS (Ship Surface Scan) has found "Nothing Un-Expected". I am starting a SSSS (Sub Surface Ship Scan).

Growltigger · #**370** June 16th, 2003, 05:14 PM

The Captain finds himself nodding off after Kamog and Erax's bLast of Trekkie technobabble..

Bugger, they will be learning klingon next and translating the barsnacks menu into it - what is tribble wings in klingon anyhow?

The brave captain looks up as Dr Geo (who has been awfully quiet recently) and the body of Mr S'Katchoo beam in..

Right young lady, answer me this. Why have you stolen Mr S'Katchoo's brain? how did you do it? and do you on a first date?