OT: Somebody's critique of my story

[tesco samoa]

You might not like his points.... But remember this he is reading your stories. And taking the time to actually write you in the attempt to help you. Perhaps you should take these points and ask someone else who has not read your story to read it and see if they notice these things. Do something constructive with it instead of what your doing now.

[Starhawk]

Or better yet get the oppinions of people who HAVE read my story and see if they can find these problems in my story....like I did and yah know what it worked fine so far and most of his "problems" these folks have even stated are just nitpicks.

As far as his legitimate points go well then the kind folks here pointed those out as well except they also gave advice on how to fix it not just belching out insulting rhetoric.

There is a difference in pointing out errors and solutions with those errors and just pointing out pet peeves.

[tesco samoa]

well if you want to get into writing get used to it. And this person is reading your chapters. As far as i can see here. the dudes comments made some sence to you so you posted it here looking for some support before you began attacking them. You attacked me for posting that you should take something positive out of the situation. Stories are about Conflict and Growth. As is writing.

[Hunpecked]

El-Phil writes:

"Well you wouldn't need full DNs everywhere, just in your main fleet(s). There would be smaller ships for anti-pirate duty, convoy escort, etc."

Perhaps. On the other hand, there's something to be said for having one ship that can fill BOTH roles vs 2-3 that can fill only one, and then only against similar-sized ships.

"...your aren't going to waste space on a ship of the line with too much anti-fighter weaponry are you."

Depends. In strategic combat, with its brain-dead AI, there's no guarantee the anti-fighter/missile ship(s) will always be where it's needed (e.g. it could be dead or out of position).

"For ships of the line, if you want to use the Royal Navy system then Dreadnought is big primary gun only while Battleships have primaries and smaller secondaries for taking out yappy things."

Actually, it seems BOTH the primary (12 - 13.5 inch) and secondary (6 - 9.2 inch) batteries of pre-dreadnoughts were intended for the enemy's battleships, with the tertiary battery (3 inch and below) targeted on "yappy things" (LOL) like torpedo boats. At the expected engagement range of 3,000 yards or so, the secondaries would theoretically shred the lightly armored parts of the enemy battleships while the heavy guns delivered the death blow. In practice, however, the shell splashes from the secondaries tended to interfere with spotting for the big guns. Moreover, after the Battle of Tsushima, where much of the firing was at two to three times the expected range, it was recognized that the secondaries would be ineffective at "modern" distances. Dreadnoughts of the early 1900s basically dispensed with the intermediate guns and mounted a secondary battery (6 inch and below) for torpedo defense. HMS Dreadnought herself was built with 18 12-pounders to deal with "yappy things".

Reference: http://www.gwpda.org/naval/pdredmdg.htm

As I've read on this forum, the SE IV strategic battle AI also has something of a problem handling ships with mixed-range batteries. I've even seen this myself in a strategic battle with a TDM AI. Each of the AI's BCs, apparently using a Max Range strategy, closed to the range of its single range 7 weapon (shield depleter?), ignoring its three range 6 weapons (acid globule?). After an ineffective enemy salvo, my own BCs (also Max Range) closed to range 6 and fired 6 PPB V each. The 6 to 1 exchange of fire essentially decided the battle.

[Starhawk]

tesco samoa said:
well if you want to get into writing get used to it. And this person is reading your chapters. As far as i can see here. the dudes comments made some sence to you so you posted it here looking for some support before you began attacking them. You attacked me for posting that you should take something positive out of the situation. Stories are about Conflict and Growth. As is writing.

First of all i didn't see "sense" in most of them I saw an insulting bunch of nitpicks that I was worried about because I was afraid maybe I had written my story wrong because I tend ot lack confidence in my non-school writing.

Secondly, I did not "seek support" I saught advice and when people stated that most of his comments were bull then I learned to lighten my attitude towards them a little and have fun at the expense of what was really hurting my feelings.

Third: I did listen to what the folks said was good points accept stated badly and you know what I've already stated I am going to fix what I can, but it will take a little bit of time for me to learn to "mature" my writing to the point I really can find satisfying.

Fourth: You stated nothing to actually help you basically just came in and said "Yeah he was rude and insulting but he was right." so you're the one who came across as attacking.
I just stated that for me it makes more sense to have people who have already watched the writing evolve and improve as time goes by and see what they think of the story as a whole and if they can find these problems.

Okay my story is over 200 PAGES WITHOUT the footnotes and excluding some of the chapters that I had to post directly to the net, and thus people who have read up to most of it are much more effective with seeking advice then someone who is going to have to start all the way from the beginning.

Now if you saw me stating these as attacks maybe your the one who's a little sensetive eh? I have no problem with constructive criticism but CONSTRUCTIVE means that you give a means or at least try to give advice about how to solve the problem you are criticizing it does NOT include simply stating
"I don't like the names
"I don't like this your admirals are retarded blah blah."
the reason I posted here seeking advice was because as someone who has read a lot of sci-fi and found a lot of names involved stupid sounding "Grgnr" I wondered if mine could fall into that catagory.

As well as the "traditionalist" approach to naming my regiments I wondered if other people shared his impression of "I don't get it" or just thought it was lame.

The rest as I said I was more worried about as this is the first Completely attack mode review anyone has ever given me, I've even had some of the folks here critique my work and you know what? That's fine because they try to help me work through what I did and actually tell me when I reached a good point or if it still needs polish so I actually learn something from the experience and yeah sometimes it hurts my feelings but in the end I realize that it will improve me in the end.

[Hunpecked]

Starhawk writes:

"5. Well to be honest with you Hunpecked I'm not all that experienced with romance as I've only asked two girls out since I reached dating age..."

Not to worry. I dated 3 GF and married the 4th; I figure in another 100 years or so I might have an iota of an inkling of an understanding of romance.

And when personal experience is lacking, there's plenty of second-hand information out there, if you keep your eyes open. Fantasy romance, as portrayed in movies, TV, and romance novels, is readily available. But more realistic or "scientific" information can be found in newspapers, news magazines, and Web articles. Some random examples and observations (though I can't vouch for their accuracy):

People tend to choose spouses whose "overall social value" (a composite of beauty, wealth, intelligence, personality, age, etc.) is roughly equal to their own. Serious mismatches (e.g. Hunpecked and Catherine Zeta-Jones) are rare and pretty much doomed.

In "good" marriages (as judged by trained observers), spouses exchange X number of little affections per day (gift, phone call, caress, slipper fetch, even a glance); in "poor" marriages spouses exchange Y affections, where Y is much smaller than X.

In "good" marriages the husband accedes to the wife's wishes more often than vice-versa. BTW, Mrs. Hunpecked's pet name is "Yes Dear".

Peacocks have outrageously long and gaudy tail feathers because for ages peahens have preferentially mated with long-tailed males. Human females have (proportionately) the largest bosom among primates because men bred them that way. Human males are aggressive scum-sucking pigs because for some unknown reason females bred them that way.

The song "B###h" by Meredith Brooks is in my experience an amazingly concise yet accurate description of female behavior.

Hope this helps.

*** Change of Subject ***

I think tesco samoa has a good point. On the internet it generally costs nothing to be polite even in the face of perceived rudeness. Though the Unknown Critic makes few valid points, I think his/her comments have a certain minuscule value. If nothing else, they stimulated some self-analysis that might not otherwise have occurred.

BTW, it's also polite to ask permission before posting another's E-mail; I hope that was the case here.

[Atrocities]

I just want to say that we all use elements of our lives in our stories. I did with Once Upon The Stars, and I know many others have with their works. When I am in a full blown depression, I find it a lot easier to write with meaning than when I am say in a semi optomistic mood about life.

I have seen, and read, a lot of sci-fi shows and books in my life and I can tell you that some of the writing on this site rivals some of the best writing I have read from pubilished authors.

When it comes down to the core of the story, its the process of writing it that brings the joy, the reward is that people enjoy what you have written and want more. Starhawk, keep writing.

[Starhawk]

Hehe well Hunpecked that is actually really helpful thanks I mean the only "personal" references to "romance" that I've been able to observe for long periods, in my personal life are guys my age that date 10-12 girls a year because they just want to get laid as fast and often as possible and don't give a damn about the girls they are with and when those girls figure it out they ditch the jerk.
So I didn't want to use that as a reference point obviously, the other true romances I've seen are usually only brief because unlike the above people they don't tend to brag or spout everything and everyone they've been doing that year.

And I actually did mix a wee bit of holywood in to the "romance" which I guess is what helped make it a little cheesy huh? Aw well live and learn and improve as I go.


As far as Tesco goes, I'm sorry I was rude and it was probobly unintentional of you to come across as rude.

Regarding the self analysis, I suppose you are right his hurting my feelings that severely did certainly cause me to analyse my story in a way I had never done before though for the most part it just made me really afraid my writing really did suck.


AT: Thanks that's actually quite helpful and uplifting I tend to be very judgemental about everything I do when it comes to writing or stoytelling.....oddly enough I can lead a class of people in difficult things yet when it comes down to writing what should be a simple thing I tend to analyse and look at it so much I freak out a little heh

[tesco samoa]

its ok no offense taken. was just trying to help you see something positive out of the whole thing. that was my intent.