320.2! 301.5, 311.3, 65.4

[Puke]

you cant believe its not bUDDER?

[TerranC]

The funniest joke in the world:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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Funniest joke in the states:

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.

His friend says, "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies, "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
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Funniest Joke in Uk, Germany, Belgium: Respectively:

A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.

This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
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Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.
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Funniest Joke in Canada and Australia: Respectively:

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 Celsius.

The Russians used a pencil.
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This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight ..."
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It's sad isn't it?

[ October 04, 2002, 03:22: Message edited by: TerranC ]

[Ragnarok]

Those are some good ones. Althought I don't agree with the first joke being the funniest in the world. It's close but not the best... I heard one the other day that is one of my most favorite now. It goes like this...

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his pants. The bartender notices this and says, "Excuse me sir, but did you know you have a steering wheel hanging from your pants?" The pirate looks up at the bartender and says, "Arrr, it's driving me nuts!"

That is one of the best jokes I have ever heard. I died forever when I heard that one.

[Taera]

why do you all post jokes here? its a thread about milk, butter and emptiness isnt it?

[Ragnarok]

Originally posted by Taera:
why do you all post jokes here? its a thread about milk, butter and emptiness isnt it?

No... the greatness of this thread is a topic only Last a couple Posts... Then it changes without warning. We were talking about cows a few minutes ago, now we're on to different jokes. That's what makes it so much fun, is to change the subject without warning.

[Grandpa Kim]

Originally posted by Taera:
why do you all post jokes here? its a thread about milk, butter and emptiness isnt it?

Then why the hell am I here looking for golf tips???

[Baron Grazic]

Then why the hell am I here looking for golf tips???

You want a golf tip?

Hit the little white Ball into the hole that has the flag in it. If the ball doesn't go far enough, just pick it up and throw it.

That's how I play golf at any rate...

[Ragnarok]

Originally posted by Baron Grazic:

quote:

---

Then why the hell am I here looking for golf tips???

You want a golf tip?

Hit the little white Ball into the hole that has the flag in it. If the ball doesn't go far enough, just pick it up and throw it.

That's how I play golf at any rate...

---

Heh, good tips...

[Baron Grazic]

Heh, good tips...

You only learn those tips after years and years of being a bad Golfer.

[mottlee]

Well I see we had another name change, just how DO you change the name IF you did not make the topic?