Jokes and Riddles Centre

[Kamog]

Flying cars? That would be soooo nice! No more getting stuck in traffic jams.

[Suicide Junkie]

The best thing is that wreckage automatically removes itself from the flow of traffic after a collision

[Loser]

Top Ten Christmas Flicks

Personally, I don't care for A Christmas Story, but the others are good.

[Wardad]

Top Ten Signs you've Hired a
Bad Department Store Santa

10. He recently starred in film called The Full Santy.
9. Asks all the mothers, "How 'bout a little lap action for mommy?"
8. Was recently suspended from NBA for choking his coach.
7. Beard catches on fire whenever he lights his crack pipe.
6. Every few minutes, his beard rustles, and you hear a muffled meow.
5. When kid asks for a bike, he says, "Good luck -- your parents look like cheap bastards."
4. He's doubled over, gasping for breath, after the second "Ho."
3. Amuses kids by demonstrating the "sleeper hold" on an elf.
2. His "beard" consists of a dozen styrofoam peanuts glued to his face.
1. Always starts off by asking, "You ain't Jewish, are ya?"

[Loser]

Great Quotes

[Loser]

Vaporize your Babies with Vicks!

[Kamog]

LOL! What is that thing, some sort of high-energy plasma chamber?

[Wardad]

Freaky American History
(Fact or Fiction?)

Here's a little part of history which makes you go h-m-m-m-m-m-.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners.

Both successors were named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are comprised of fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theatre named Kennedy.

Kennedy was shot in a car called "Lincoln".

Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse.

Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.



And here's the kicker....

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland.

A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

[geoschmo]

Both Presidents were shot in the head.
And if they had been shot somewhere else, they probably wouldn’t have died.

Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
This is false. Lincoln had no one in his staff on record named Kennedy.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Booth was from Maryland. A border state, but remained part of the Union during the war.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Booth was born in 1838.

Lincoln was shot at the theatre named Kennedy.
Uh, Ford’s theatre dude.

Booth ran from the theatre and was caught in a warehouse.
That’s a stretch. It was a barn being used for storage. Not exactly a warehouse.

A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Cute. I think you meant to say he was in Marilyn Monroe. But that is false as well. She died over a year before the assasination.

[ January 03, 2004, 05:20: Message edited by: geoschmo ]

[Kamog]

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Booth was born in 1938.

That's a typo, right?