The Funniest Canadian Joke.

[tesco samoa]

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

That is a good one

[tesco samoa]

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
''Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''

Poor Couple
A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.''
The woman replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?''

The man replied, ''No, I'm turning the heat off.''

TEXAN: "Where are you from?"

HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions."

TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?"

[Fyron]

Due to the massive state budget defecit created by our Democrat friend Gray Davis, the California Humor Compliancy Commission no longer receives any funding. We will no longer be able to spend the time and money required to analyze and rate your jokes.

[Kamog]

Some of these jokes are really good! I'll try to remember some of them so I can tell them to my friends! Thanks for posting these.

[Fyron]

Yes, some are. Some are terrible. But do to lack of funding, we can no longer help you to see the truth.

[Fyron]

Originally posted by tesco samoa:
jimbob

it is most likely posted here

but again... a nice joke

A couple of Cali hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

I fail to see why that has to be about californians. People all over the US (and in many countries) are like that these days...

[David E. Gervais]

Aaah, Fyron! I was sure that the '**** List' would have at least made you smile! Here's a 1000 Mineral donation so that you can rate it!

Cheers!

[tbontob]

How about a fyronometer to rate our jokes?

F <==funny
y <==yes, somewhat funny, but needs a bit of work.
r <==run that by me again?
o <==only the mentally deficient will see this as being funny.
n <==nope, no way Hose.

Rating Fyrons response for the first three jokes, I get:

n for the lighthouse joke
n for the pen/pencil joke
o for the drunk superman joke

Using the fyronometer scale to rate my own funny bone, it would be:
f for the lighthouse joke
f for the pen/pencil joke
y for the drunk superman joke

What do you guys think?

[primitive]

Back to the Canadian theme, here's one for the Fyronometer.

In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft.
After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, EU decided to do their own study. After €250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

The Canadians, dissatisfied with both these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of the quivalent of a crate of beer they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

Edit: Twas an old joke, just upgraded a little.

[ January 25, 2003, 12:41: Message edited by: primitive ]

[primitive]

tbontob: The Fyronometer deserves a F all by itself

Going for an O with this one:

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?". "No. What did that stupid **** do this time?", says the patron. "Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole", says the bartender. "Yeah, well I hope it kills the little ****er because he's been driving me nuts", says the patron. The guy finishes his drink and leaves.
Two weeks later he comes back in with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a grape on the bar. He grabs the grape, sticks it up his ***, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?", he asks. "What now?", responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a grape up his ***, then pulled it out and ate it", says the barkeeper.
"Well, what did you expect?", replied the patron. "Ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"