Jokes and Riddles Centre

[narf poit chez BOOM]

http://www.ucomics.com/calvinandhobbes/1993/04/09/

[Wardad]

Take a look at this - it's not just a dog on a skateboard it's a skateboarding dog!
Go to http://www.skateboardingbulldog.com/picsandmovies.htm
then click on "Click here to view a video of Tyson skating."

[Wardad]

A priest, a rabbi and a Pentecostal preacher all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk "shop". One day someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. Well, one thing led to another and before it was over they decided to do a seven day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it.

It's now 7 days later and they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father O'Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages goes first. "Wellll," he says in a fine Irish brogue, "Ey wint oot into th' wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Chatecism. Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi' me und begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gintle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation."

Reverend Billy Bob speaks next. He's in a wheel chair, with an arm and both legs in casts and an I.V. drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaims, "WELL brothers....you KNOW that we don't sprinkle........WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God's HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come to a crick. So'se I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An' jus like you you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God's HOOOOLY word."

They both look down at the rabbi who's laying in a hospital bed. He's in a body cast & traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. The rabbi looks up and says

"Oy! You don't know what tough is until you try to circumcise one of those creatures."

[Randallw]

A primary school teacher is teaching her small charges about politics. Being a good Democrat she explains how sensible the Democratic platform is. At the end of the lesson she asks her pupils
"now, who thinks they are a Democrat?"
all the little boys and girls eager to please their teacher puts up their hands, except one little girl.
"Suzie, why don't you want to be a Democrat?"
"Because my daddy is a Republican, and my mommy is a Republican, and they raised me to be a good Republican"
Angry at this dissension the teacher says
"Thats silly, what if your mother and father were stupid"
"Then I'd be a Democrat"

Now I'm neither a Democrat or a Republican, I'm not even American, but you probably wouldn't understand if I said Labour and Liberal. All you Democrats can change it to Democrat if you want to. I read it on a Republican endorsement website.

Edit: And I was worried about being offensive till I went back a few pages and saw wardads republican post.

[ April 23, 2004, 09:31: Message edited by: Randallw ]

[Wardad]

Originally posted by Randallw:
Edit: And I was worried about being offensive till I went back a few pages and saw wardads republican post.

HOT LAVA!
DUCK AND COVER!!!

[Wardad]

The SECRETS of the MATRIX revealed!

http://www.jokaroo.com/ecards/funny/the%20matrix.htm

[narf poit chez BOOM]

http://www.pvpOnline.com/archive.php3?archive=20030513
http://www.pvpOnline.com/archive.php3?archive=20030512

[ April 24, 2004, 02:01: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Randallw]

Originally posted by Wardad:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randallw:
Edit: And I was worried about being offensive till I went back a few pages and saw wardads republican post.

HOT LAVA!
DUCK AND COVER!!!

---

sorry Wardad, I didn't mean to imply anything.I didn't consider what I was saying. I've been sick lately. I just meant I thought I might be chewed out for making a political joke disparaging Democrats. Once I saw you post about Republicans, I saw that you didn't get criticised for it.

[Wardad]

Originally posted by Randallw:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wardad:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randallw:
Edit: And I was worried about being offensive till I went back a few pages and saw wardads republican post.

HOT LAVA!
DUCK AND COVER!!!

---

sorry Wardad, I didn't mean to imply anything....

---

Oh now, don't go and get all serious on us.

Besides, some of my best friends are republicans. I have no problems socializing with those people, as long as they act democratic in public.

[Randallw]

, ok. I am just a bit wary. I once, on another forum, tried to make a joke and spent the next week defending myself from accusations of insulting the targets of the joke.