Jokes and Riddles Centre

[Atrocities]

Does any one have the complete CURRENT list of You Know Your Addicted to SEIV When: laying around?

[Wardad]

Kind of a pointless joke, but I like it anyway. hehe!


While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Texas rancher (whose hand had caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor and the old man were talking about George W. Bush being in the White House. The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was. The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor stupid bastard get down."

[narf poit chez BOOM]

http://www.pvpOnline.com/archive.php3?archive=20001215

[narf poit chez BOOM]

Alright, somebody, top this: http://www.dilbert.com/wash/bonanas/...-20040420.html

[Suicide Junkie]

http://schlockmercenary.com/d/20040426.html
http://schlockmercenary.com/d/20040427.html

[David E. Gervais]

Great links SJ, thanks.

Cheers!

[Wardad]

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting to St.Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.
"Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "what is happening?"
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "It's only someone having the holes bored on their shoulder blades for the wings."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more bloodcurdling screams.
"Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
"Not to worry," says St.Peter, "they are just having their head drilled to fit the halo."
Shaking her head, the old lady says, "I can't do this. I'm off down to hell."
"You can't go there," says St. Peter, "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Sure" says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that!"

[Growltigger]

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.
Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought.
By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand
morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation,
where you will have to make a decision one way or the other.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for
the test to work accurately.

You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact...

There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and
severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a
CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and
people floating around you, disappearing into the water.

Nature is showing all its destructive power and is ripping everything
away with it.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying
not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud.

You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is - it's George W. Bush! At the same time you
notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever.

You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of
your life.

So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer
prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the
world's most powerful men.

And here's the question (please give an honest answer):


Would you select colour film, or rather go with the simplicity of
classic black and white?

[Wardad]

I would spell "colour" correctly.

[Jack Simth]

Originally posted by Wardad:
I would spell "colour" correctly.

How colour is correctly spelled depends on which side of the pond you are on. In this case, it specifies the USA side, so "color" is the correct spelling.